the end of 2010

Well this is it... the end of the year 2010.  This will be my last blog for the year.  Crazy to think that another year has whizzed by so fast.

Our New Years evening consisted of hanging out at home, just the three of us.  I made cheese dip to snack on for dinner.  My hubby came home from being out west & I was ready to bring in the New Year with him when he got here.  Miss Kayla was a little fussy today & it was just one of those days.  I'm pretty exhausted & could use about a 10 hour nap, but somehow, someway I'm still functioning at this point.  I was hoping to not colapse before the clock dings midnight.  Then again... what's the big deal about staying up until midnight anyways?

I guess the older you get, the urge to party your ass off right up until midnight just fades away.  I remember those days, or should I say I lived through those days.  I look back & wonder how I did manage to survive all my New Years partying days, but I'm just sure glad that I did.  Heck, I haven't even had a drop of alcohol since somewhere around January-February 2010... that's almost a year!  It doesn't even bother me anymore.  Don't get me wrong, once in awhile a beer sounds damn good though.

I've had this re-occuring headache for the past few days, ugh.  I take tylenol & it goes away briefly but then returns hours later.  It's very annoying & I'm ready for it to go away & not come back again.  Maybe it's the lack of sleep, stress... who knows?  God knows I could use a nap right now, that's for sure.

Oh how I long for a long soak in a hot bath these days!  A shower would even be nice at this point.  I use to be one of those people who showered twice a day but since I've had Miss Kayla... well let's just say that I haven't showered since Wednesday night & this is now Friday.  I know, I know... everyone is probably saying YUCK right about now & I totally agree with you, trust me.  Even though I haven't done anything except sit here at home, starring at the same walls, just me & Kayla hanging out.  So it's not like I've really done anything to get dirty, sweaty, but still.  Truthfully, I long to have a large bathtub big enough for me & hubby to soak in together... now that would be nice!  Ok, lets not talk about that though.

However, I did manage to get my hair done yesterday, woohoo!  My roots were so long it was sad looking.  I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror without screaming in terror.  But now... my hair is looking good again, thankfully!

What are the odds that I will wake up tomorrow & 50 lbs would have magically fallen off while I slept?
Ok, I'll settle for 20 lbs falling off in my sleep.

No I'm not crazy, I'm just dilerious!  Surely I've mentioned that I could use a nap by now, right?

Well I guess that's my last post for 2010 everyone.  Woohoo for 2011... ready or not here we come!

a new body

With the birth of our precious baby Kayla... came a new body for me.  I have to admit that the first time I took a peak at my incision from my c-section in the hospital, I had a small emotional break down.  I guess it was just a little overwhelming for me at that moment.  The tears just poured down my face without control & as I walked out of the bathroom I saw Fred & I just cried even more.  As he put his arms around me trying to assure me that everything was ok & it would be ok, I felt a little relief but not completely.  The moment soon passed & I started thinking about the reason for the scar in the first place & how it was all well worth it & how I would do it again in a heart beat for my precious baby Kayla.

As the days have passed since that moment... I would still do it all over again because we have this most precious baby as a result.

Ever since I started gaining weight & my body started making adjustments to accommodate Kayla's home in my belly, my self esteem bottomed out & it's been rather hard to part with the fact my body will never be the same as it was once before.  I know losing the weight will be the hardest challenge for me & the question I keep asking myself over & over is... will I ever be sexy again?  Will my wonderful husband think I'm sexy or desire me as he once did?

After years of seeing all my good friends & family have babies & hearing all the emotions they've gone through... now I can understand it first hand myself.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade a moment of what I had to go through to bring baby Kayla into the world.  I just have this overwhelming desire to wake up in the morning & my body to have it's structure back & the pounds just have fallen off magically somehow.  I know, it's a dream world I guess, but that's just my thoughts.

I think we all question whether we will be good parents, when we haven't had the experience before.  Even I, who have taken kids under my wing as my own over the years, questioned myself as well.  Having the opportunity to become a mother is the greatest gift of all I strongly believe.  That overwhelming feeling of love you have for your child is just simply amazing to experience.  I can sit & stare at her for long periods of a time & just think of what a wonderful job my husband & I did to make this beautiful girl.

With all of that said, I'm learning to cope with all of the emotions that rush over me dealing with my new body I've been handed.  My goal is to be healthy & to lose the pounds that I should've kept off over the past two years to begin with.

2011 is going to be life changing for me & for our family for sure.  I'm not yet 100% sure that I'm quite up for the challenge just yet, but I'm definitely going to give it my all... as I always do.

I want to be the best wife I can be to my wonderful husband.
I want to be the best possible mother I can be to my precious baby Kayla.
I want to lose weight & obtain some type of desireable figure once again.
I wish to be successful at my new job & earn a decent income in which to help support my family.

All of these things & more are what I have on my goal list for 2011 & really... my goals for the rest of my life, how ever long that may be.

So my fingers & toes are crossed, hoping that I'm successful at everything I wish to accomplish for the upcoming year.

Christmas 2010

What a wonderful Christmas this has been for us.  So many wonderful things to be thankful for.

Christmas Eve...
We went to my brother's house for lunch at 1pm.  My parents brought along Uncle Earl & that was great to have him join us this year.  Otherwise he would've been sitting at home alone & well who wants to do that on the holiday.  This is my great-niece Katie's first Christmas, our first Christmas being married & our baby Kayla's first Christmas also.  So many great things to celebrate this year!

It's hard to believe the year is almost over already.  This year has gone by fast, very fast!  We've had ups & we've had downs this year, that's for sure.  I'd like to think there have been more goods then bads though.  I guess that's just life though.

All in all we have a lot to be thankful for.  Two things especially... our wonderful marriage & the birth of our first baby.

Christmas Day...
We spent the day at Fred's parents house with all of the family.  It's been a great Christmas this year.  I have to brag & say we both have wonderful families.  It's just nice to spend time with everyone for the holidays & be able to celebrate a new little life, baby Kayla.

This is officially our first Christmas as a married couple & to me that's very special.  To be able to spend the holidays with the love of my life, that's just priceless.  We have our moments of course that we want to ring each other's neck, but really there's no other person I can imagine spending the rest of my life next to.

Kayla had a great time getting to meet everyone & spend time in everyone's loving arms.  I could tell she was worn completely out by the time we retired back to home, but I know she had a good time.

I'm starting back to work this week... working from home part time that is.  I'm very lucky to have that option & I can't say how thankful I am for the loss of my last job to allow me this opportunity to arise.  It's amazing how things somehow just work themselves out... & like the saying goes... "everything happens for a reason".  So true... so true it is.

To all...
Merry Christmas with love from our family to yours!

12 days

Well today marks Kayla at 12 days old.  Whew... what a fast 12 days this has been.  I have a feeling time is going to fly by even faster now with a child.

She's just as precious, sweet, loveable as ever too.  It's amazing what kind of love you have in your heart, isn't it?  I just love her with all my heart & more.

Kayla has her first dr appointment tomorrow.  I'm hoping she gets a good grade & passes all her tests!

I'm starting to realize how hard it's going to be to go back to work again & leave her.  Ugh.  I knew long before she arrived that there's no other option then for me to go back to work & honestly it would be stupid for me not to.  I guess since she's just so little, it's hard to think of leaving her, I don't know.  Mixed emotions I guess.

On the flip side to that... I'm about to lose my mind here at home.  I'm lonely being at home by myself every day... all day.  Starring at the same walls day end & day out.  It kinda gets to you after awhile.  I'm one of those people who need civilization & to interact with people.  Don't get me wrong, I love being at home with Kayla, but just having visitors & not actually physically leaving the house is taking it's toll.  I love when visitors stop in to see us.  I look forward to the day I can physically lift the car seat & Kayla to put in the back seat of the truck to go somewhere!  Approaching two weeks after c-section, I feel like I'm healing pretty good.  Once in a blue moon it hurts or I can tell if I've over done myself, but other than that I feel good.  We made a trip to Target Sunday night so I could get out of the house & then yesterday I was sore all day.  Ugh.  That sucked.

Last night was the first night for me & Kayla to be by ourselves all night & that sucked too.  Until I'm fully healed, it's nice to have Fred there to get up & down to make bottles or throw diapers in the trash for me, so I'm not having to do everything just yet.  All in all, we made it through the night & survived so I guess we did good, ha ha.  It's just been a long two days without him here & I'm patiently awaiting his arrival home this evening!  I'm sooo ready to see him!  Visitors are great, but there's nothing like having your husband home.

I love you honey & I can't wait for you to walk through the door!

Now introducing Miss Kayla

Miss Kayla decided to finally make her appearance on Thursday, December 9th at 4:11am.  She weighed 6lbs 14oz 20 inches long.  So today it's officially been one week.  Hard to believe it's already been a week, everything's gone so fast since then.

I have to brag though, I think she's the most beautiful baby girl in the entire world & I was head over heels in love with her before she even got here.  Now that she's here, those feelings have only gotten stronger.

Her daddy & I are definitely proud parents without a doubt.

Being induced & labor was not exactly what I had pictured in my mind.  It was an extremely long 20 hours.  I was really crossing my fingers & praying that I wouldn't have to end up having a c-section, but that's exactly what the end result was.  Miss Kayla just wasn't wanting to come out naturally no matter how hard I tried.  By the time 3:30am Thursday morning arrived... I was absolutely exhausted & worn completely out.  The nurses & doctor made the decision that it was time for a c-section, which of course I agreed to at that point.  The number one most important thing was that Kayla arrived here safely & obviously if she wasn't willing to come out naturally I didn't want her to indure any further stress.

Kayla came out with her eyes wide open & ready to take on the world.  Totally amazing.  The c-section was a little emotional for me & I'm just so thankful that Fred was there with me thru every step & was so great to stand beside me thru all the pain & uncomfortable-ness I went thru in that 20 hours.  I honestly couldn't ask for a more supportive husband during that time, he was just wonderful.

The end result was the arrival of our precious baby Kayla & wow how emotional that was.  To know that she was finally here & within a few minutes I would be holding her in my arms.  Just simply amazing.  After they stitched me up & it was time to roll me back to my room for recovery, they laid her next to me in my arms to hold on my way back to the room.

I ended up staying until Saturday & then luckily we were released from the hospital to go home!  It just so happens they were doing construction on the roof directly above my room & I basically didn't get any sleep the entire time I was at the hospital.  So by the time Saturday rolled around I was more then ready to make a b-line for the door.  I knew I would be able to get a lot more rest in the comforts of my home.

The recovery of the c-section is a little more trying that I ever imagined it would be.  Pain pills have definitely been a blessing to help take the edge off so that I could function the first few days & slowly but surely I'm starting to heel & not have to take the pain pills as often anymore.  I'm not a fan of taking pain mediction anyways, so the faster I can deal without it the better in my opinion.

Life at home with baby Kayla has been great so far.  Lots of sleepless nights/days of course, but all in all, she's just a doll.  I guess when you cross a point in your life that your not real sure you'll ever have children of your own... & then you actually bring something so precious home... your just so thankful to have her... the sleepless nights/days are all more than worth it.  We're still making adjustments & trying to obtain some sort of schedule or routine in our day to day lives.  Fred has had to be gone to work a lot & it's just been Kayla & I hanging out during the days, but lil' peanut & I have become quite a team.

Since baby Kayla is resting I decided while I had the chance I would blog & brag.  I really should be napping though, considering the lack of sleep is catching up with me.  I have lots that I should be doing, but nothing I feel up to at the moment.

Don't worry I will be blogging again soon with more updates!

Kayla finally within sight

Well after a very rough week has past... the dr officially scheduled us to go in Wednesday to be induced.  Kayla is finally within sight.  She's been quite stubborn in my opinion.  Everyone is wanting to have a chat with her once she arrives to let her know how stubborn she really has been & how much she's been making everyone wait for her arrival.  I'm totally on board with that.

I know everyone, including us have been not-so-patiently awaiting her arrival for some time now.  So it's a relief to know that tomorrow we will finally get to kiss, hug & shower her with love.

Everyone has been so supportive & informational during my whole pregnancy which I'm very thankful for.  We're so blessed & lucky to be surrounded by amazing family & friends.  Everyone is so willing to help out & just be there if we need them.  Who could ever ask for more, I mean really?

Instead of posting clipart of baby stuff, from now on I will have actual pictures to post of baby Kayla, which is a great feeling to have.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Abigail adjusts well to her new little baby sister.  I'm hoping that the transition goes well once we bring Kayla home to meet Abigail for the first time.  Since Abigail has been the only spoiled rotten 4-legged child in the house for so many years now... I worry about jealousy issues, but I'm keeping the faith that it won't take long for the adjustment to settle in & everything to be fine so I won't have to worry or stress about it.

We've been slowly making Abigail sleep in her new domain in the den on the love seat with her blankets & that's been going suprisingly well considering she's been used to sleeping in the bed with me all the years.  I will admit though, I'm kinda sad to not have her in the bed anymore, but I know it's for the best since Kayla will be sleeping in the bedroom with us now.

Just think... the next blog I will write, will be after we arrive back home with Kayla.  Everyone keep us in your thoughts & hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow.  Don't worry I will be blogging as soon as I feel up to it.  I know everyone couldn't live without my crazy writing.  ha ha

where's Kayla?

That's the question we're asking right now... where's Kayla?  Apparently she's being stubborn & hard-headed about wanting to make her appearance in to the world.

I personally think the stubborn & hard-headed-ness comes from her daddy... just my opinion.  (wink wink)
Ok... it might come from both sides, I'll admit.

So here we sit, not-so-patiently waiting the moment when we load up in the truck & make the drive to the hospital.  I'm really hoping & crossing my fingers that they don't have to end up inducing me & that baby Kayla makes the decision on her own between now & Monday.  Monday I'm scheduled for another dr visit & he told me last time that if I haven't had her by this appointment that we would schedule the day to induce.  So no matter what... within a week we will have Miss Kayla here one way or another.

Well I guess that's all for now.  Everyone just keep your fingers crossed & say a few prayers as well.

no progress

Well unfortunately I don't have any new baby Kayla pictures to post today.  She still hasn't decided to arrive yet.  After all the discomfort I went through especially yesterday... I was sure I would've been making a hospital trip before now.

I had another sleepless, restless night last night & I'm starting to think that's just how it's going to be until she gets here.  I just can't get comfortable or when I finally do, then I have to get up to go to the bathroom.  This happens about every hour of the night time.

Funny thing is that my body has kinda adjusted to the frequent bathroom trips all during the night.  It's almost as if I'm sleep-peeing, as I like to call it.  Some people sleep-walk... well I sleep-pee I guess.  I know, sounds crazy, but I swear it's true.

I guess I spoke to soon yesterday about Fred making a trip out west.  I was under the impression the trip out west was going to be a quick one today & he would hurry to return back home.  Unfortunately this is not exactly the case.  He left at 9am & yet it's 7pm in the evening & I haven't heard a peep from him today.  Not so much as one phone call to check in to find out how I'm doing or feeling, nothing.  Amazing isn't it?  I guess I'm confused wondering how he could spend the entire day, whether he's been busy or not... & not think about calling once.  If the situation was reversed, I would be beside myself just leaving town & being so far away in fear that I would miss the birth of my first child, considering the trip is a little over 2 hours.  I guess everyone thinks & feels differently though & I can't change that.

It's just really frustrating & stressful right now & I know I don't need to deal with this, especially now.
I feel like chopped liver.  Not that my self-esteem is at real high at this point anyway's & I guess what I need is him to be caring & loving right now.

Apparently that's asking way to much.  Ugh.  Someone just shoot me please.

another long day

After falling asleep in my chair watching Oprah late last night, I was sure that I was ready to snuggle up in my warm bed & get a good nights rest... but that didn't exactly happen.  Instead I had a restless night of not sleeping for any good length of time & the sun shined through the window before I was ready for it to this morning.

Walking was a difficult task, so I made the decision that motivating myself enough to get around & actually drag myself to work probably wasn't the best choice for the day.  Since I've never been through labor or any of this child birth process before, I'm not exactly sure what to do or think or when to actually make the the trip to the hospital.  There are moments when I think... just shoot me & get it over with.  I hate not being able to walk or move around like normal.

I'm not saying it's not worth it, because I know after baby Kayla arrives... I will probably forget all the pain & uncomfort that I had to deal with in the days leading up to her arrival, but for now... I'm just ready for her to get here so I can start to get back on my feet again.  I'm also anxious to see what our Kayla looks like.

It's hard to know what is going thru Fred's mind right now.  I know he has a job to do out west & to be honest the thought of him being 2 hours away scares the hell out of me right now.  Yesterday I was physically uncomfortable most of the day/evening but today... it's been a worse.  I just have this feeling I'm pretty close but then the thought crosses my mind what if Kayla decides to be stubborn & make me suffer for several more days?  Yikes.  Hopefully that's not the case.  I've had more contractions today then I had yesterday & even two that were about 30 minutes apart even, but then nothing after that.  How crazy, geez.

Luckily Fred decided not to go out west today & stay close just in case, which helped me stay more calm for sure.  Not that he has to be right next to me every second but just knowing that he's within minutes if I do call to say, "Ok It's Time"!  That makes me much more at ease knowing he's close by.

Let's all say it together now... "Kayla hurry up & get here, your making mommy miserable"
Not to mention I'm 100% positive that my entire body is completely falling apart the past two days!  Ugh.

still hanging in there

Whew it's been a little while since I've blogged.  Things have been busy & crazy to say the least.  I didn't get lost I promise... I've been around just haven't had time to sit & write for awhile.

Baby Kayla is scheduled to arrive any day now.  We're just patiently awaiting her to decide to make her appearance into this world.  The Dr told me yesterday that if I haven't delivered her by Monday when I'm scheduled for my next appointment... then we will be scheduling to induce next week for sure.  So one way or another she will be here in less than two weeks.

Apparently she's a little stubborn, who knows.  I'm going to assume she gets that from her daddy, not me.  (evil laugh)

Physically today has probably been the most difficult so far.  I went to bed uncomfortable & woke up the exact same way & throughout the day it's continued to get worse & hasn't let up what-so-ever.  I'm starting to think everyone keeps jinxing me by saying "oh she's coming tonight for sure".  People have been saying that for over a week now & so far... no baby Kayla.

I know each day gets a little more challenging & today... yikes... walking was just plain uncomfortable.  All I wanted to do was crawl in to bed & not walk.  I thought about staying home from work but well the painful truth is that the bills don't suddenly go on hold to accommodate these types of situations.  Wish they did though.  It would be nice to have the option of taking a break or being able to relax & maybe not force myself to work through it.  Today for sure I could've used that break.

If all goes as I plan... I will only get to spend approximately two weeks completely off work with baby Kayla then I will have to start back to work again in order to not fall to far behind on bills.  Again I wish I had the option of spending a little more time but that's only a dream right now.  The good thing is that I will be able to work from home for awhile so that will be nice.

Instead of blogging, I guess I should be packing my to-go bag for the hospital, since I probably should've already had that done at this point.  These days it seems like I always put everything off until the last minute.  One day that will catch up with me & bite me in the butt I'm sure.

Don't worry I will be blogging more at a later time for sure.

Makin' Plans

I love Miranda Lambert & I really like this song... so I thought I would share.  It's one of my favorite ones off her album Revolution.

Makin' Plans

If I ever left this town
I’d never settle down
I’d just be wandering around
If I ever left this town

If I wasn’t by your side
I’d never be satisfied
Nothin’ would feel just right
If I wasn’t by your side

‘Cause I’m not easy to understand
But you know me like the back of your hand
I’m your girl and you’re my man
And we’re makin’ plans

We can go on and on
Won’t ever feel too long
I’ll always call you home
And we’ll go on and on

‘Cause I know you like the back of my hand
Got a heart of gold and a piece of land
I’m your girl and you’re my man
And we’re makin’ plans

The weekend is here

Well it's Friday again, woo hoo!

This has been quite a crazy week to put it lightly, but I'm sure glad that it's Friday... the weekend is here & I look forward to spending some quality time with my hubby.

With so many things going on all at the same time right now it's hard to keep up.  Typically I'm a serious multi-tasker, but now days I'm finding it a little harder to do.  It's a wonder I can remember my name sometimes, it's just the craziest thing.

From everything I've read, apparently forgetfulness is part of pregnancy... but why?  Why does pregnancy make you lose your mind?  That's just not cool & definitely not a good side-affect of carrying a child for 9 months.  Not only do I have to deal with the weight gain, I have to worry about losing my mind too... PERFECT!

My appetite has changed a lot in the past few weeks.  Baby Kayla is hungry more often, except I can't eat very much at one time.  After eating a small amount I feel absolutely miserable, well at least for another hour then all of a sudden my stomach starts growling again.  What's up with that?  Needless to say I have two boxes of crackers in my desk at work so that I don't have to deal with the hunger pains Kayla causes throughout the day.

The elevator was broken at work this morning when I arrived so I had to take the two flights of stairs & wow... slowly but surely I made it & once I reached the top I wanted to pass out.  Am I out of shape or what, geez.  This is just sad.  I should exercise more or something.  I waited until I caught my breathe before I opened the door to walk to my office.  I was so glad to sit down once I reached my desk chair though.

For the most part, I guess I feel pretty good.  Once we get settled & moved, I think I will finally get anxious for baby Kayla to arrive.  Until then I'm hoping she hangs in there with me & doesn't decide to show up earlier.  All we want is for Kayla to arrive healthy!  We already know she's going to be absolutely beautiful, especially if she has her daddy's eye lashes.  Oh gosh... he has the most gorgeous eye lashes I swear.  I'm in trouble, that's all I gotta say.

It's 8pm do you know where your man is?  As a matter of fact... he's on his way home haulding a loaded trailer behind him.  I can only guess, but I bet he's dirty from working all day & yet still looking good as always.  It's amazing how when you love someone so much, they can be dripping with sweat & mud & you still think... damn he's hot.  Call me crazy I guess, but it's the truth.

Now I will depart to await my sexy hubby's arrival.

earth shake

And here's the headline... Earthquake rating upgraded to magnitude 5.1

Seriously...this is Oklahoma right?  I'm so confused!  We're not supposed to have earth quakes here.  In Oklahoma we have tornados.  Weird.

Funniest part, I had just sat down at my desk at work when the "earth quake" hit.  Shook the entire building.  I reside on the second floor.  I literally thought I was having a nervous breakdown, losing my mind or something.  My relief came when everyone around me starting talking about how it was really an earth quake that had just happened.  Whew... I'M NOT CRAZY!  Although it left me confused, how does this happen & why are we having earth quakes?  Oh well... anyways... here's the scoop on NewsOk.com

An earthquake that struck central Oklahoma today was the second-strongest in the state's history, the Oklahoma Geological Survey reported. No significant damage or serious injuries have been reported with the quake, which was felt in three states.

So there ya have it.  That's the big scoop of the day.  An earth quake in Oklahoma!

kick boxer?

Here we are approaching 32 weeks now.  Wow.

So what's going on with baby Kayla these days?
According to "WhatToExpect.com"...
Currently should be tipping the scales at almost four pounds and could be topping out at just about 19 inches.

In my opinion, I think Kayla weighs at least 50 lbs now & she's currently practicing her kick boxing techniques.

As the weeks pass by, Kayla gets a little stronger.  It's a very different feeling to be lying in bed looking at my belly & watching her movements at this point.  Sometimes painful but still a really cool feeling to know that there's actually a human being in there that we've created.

When I think about the fact that last Christmas I had no plans, wasn't expecting or trying for children yet... and now this Christmas we'll have baby Kayla in our Christmas pictures & in our arms, that's just unbelievable.  It's wild how quickly life can change & how it seems to be that some things just happen for a reason without us understanding or knowing exactly why.

Yesterday I had a really bad day & unfortunately it continued thru the evening & into early morning as well.  For the most part I've been in good spirits thru the pregnancy, but of course I've had days of stress, depression & a roll-a-coaster of emotions.  Those few days that I experience those things, I tend to question myself in every way possible.

I've always wanted to be a mom & have children... but will I be a good mom?  Am I bad person for wanting to work a full time job & raise a child as well?  What if baby Kayla gets here & I have a hard time leaving her to go back to work?

A million questions that I'm sure go thru every pregnant woman's mind.  I guess when your going thru it you feel all alone for some reason.  Even though you know that close friends & family have been in your exact shoes before.

With the horrible day I had yesterday, followed a really rough day physically for me today.  This morning I questioned whether I could pull myself together enough to drive myself to work & make it thru the day without wanting to crawl in a hole.  Which I will admit was tempting several times.  Not sure why, but I was so dizzy this morning I just wanted to crawl back into bed & hope that it would go away.  It was almost 10am before I didn't feel as dizzy anymore, but when I got on the elevator to head downstairs for lunch break, the dizziness returned for a brief period.  Once I met my hubby for lunch & returned back to work I started to feel some better as the day progressed.

I realized today that my body is just not capable of being stressed out or upset like I was yesterday thru last night.  I had to drag myself thru the day with swollen eyes, a massive headache & hoping the knots in my stomach would eventually vanish completely.  It was just flat out rough in every sense & I know it's not healthy for me or baby Kayla.

I guess it really comes down to others around me realizing that right now is the time to make an extra effort to be kind & caring & to take care of me just like they know I would take care of them in return.  The last thing I ever want to do is cause anyone else around me severe stress or anxiety, so I hope that those closest to me feel the same way about me as well.  Physically I know that I can't experience another day like yesterday or last night.  It's just to much.  So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have to go thru that again.

On a much brighter note...
I'm looking forward to spending some much needed quality time with my hubby this evening.  Since his return from South Dakota we haven't gotten to do that & the only way to have time... is to make time, right?  I think sometimes we all let everyday life slip away to fast without taking a moment to stop & enjoy each other.

So that's my plan for this evening & I hope it works out.

support & understanding

Can anyone tell me that when you need comfort, support & understanding... it's no where to be found from the one person you need it to be from?  Am I losing my mind?  Ok... yeah maybe I am or hell maybe I've already lost it.

I've just had one of those days today.  One of those days where nothing seems to be going right what-so-ever & just continues to bottom out on me.  As a result, I've been extremely emotional.  One minute pissed off, next minute crying my eyes out & then feeling sorry for myself & wondering why me?

Where's the love at?  Where's the warm blanket that is supposed to wrap itself around me for comfort & make me feel better?  I can't seem to find it.

I feel like I'm typically a comforting person & try to be there thru thick & thin, but where is that in return for me?

My stomach has been in knots all damn day.  Twisting & turning sideways.  It just seems like if it can go wrong, it has today & it's completely out of my control, which makes it even worse.

The one good thing today... I received a buckle at the awards banquet & it's very pretty!  Unfortunately my current body shape will not allow me to wear it but hopefully a few months after Kayla arrives I will be able to.  Someone thought enough of me to order me a buckle this year & that means a lot to me.  I will write more & post pics later about it.

But for now... I'm venting & crying, so let's get back to that.

FYI, it's really hard to type when you can't see thru watery teary eyes.

Maybe I will get lucky & my knight in a shiny white dodge will arrive at some point & be here to snuggle & comfort me thru the rest of my evening before I decide to cry myself to sleep.  What are the odds that will happen... hell I'm not even sure.

Repeat after me... tomorrow is a new day & it will be much better... tomorrow is a new day & it will be much better.  Now if I could only believe that.  Ugh.

Time to blow my nose.

South Dakota jealousy

I'll admit it, I'm jealous.

I'm jealous that I don't get to go on road trips with my hubby.  First it was Montana a month ago & now South Dakota.

I wanna go on road trips.  I wanna get away & take a break.  When do I get to go?  Just the two of us.  A road trip... somewhere... anywhere.

We did go to Branson for our honeymoon & I enjoyed every minute of it, but I'm still jealous.  I wanna be the one going with him.

Maybe next time I will get invited to go.

I guess all I can do is keep my fingers crossed that I'll be included next time.

Glucose Drink

This has to be the worst part of the pregnancy tests you have to go through by far.

Several weeks ago I went through the first test & I found out last Monday that I failed my glucose test so I had to eat a special diet for 3 days & return Friday for additional glucose testing.  The first time around I had to drink a small bottle of this wonderful orange stuff & I was able to choke it down & get through the test fairly decent.  This time around I wasn't properly informed of what I would have to go through before I arrived.

The nurse told me to return first thing Friday morning for another blood test, but failed to mention that I was suppose to go directly to the lab which was across the street.  When I arrived at the lab, the sign on the door stated their hours were from 7:30am-1:00pm... I could have already been here, ugh oh well I guess.

I hadn't eaten anything since 6pm the day before so by the time 9am rolled around baby Kayla was ready for me to eat some breakfast or something.  As I sat down in the chair preparing to be stuck I made the comment that I was starving & the lab tech looked at me & said "well this is going to be a long day then".  So of course I'm thinking... what's that suppose to mean, so I asked what she was talking about & she informed me that this test was a 3 hour test & I wouldn't be able to leave the waiting room for that period of time.  I'm sure the look on my face was priceless but I was in total shock!  What... 3 hours... stuck here?  Then she followed up with the fact they would need to take my blood 4 times in that time frame.  Yikes.  Seriously?  Just shoot me.  I asked for a moment before I committed myself to this shocking disaster & called my new boss to ask if he wanted me to re-schedule or go ahead with the testing.  He said I should go ahead with it since I was already there & was very understanding, so as I hung up the phone I was thinking... great... I hate being stuck but I guess I don't have much of a choice.

I returned to my seat & informed the lab tech I was ready to get this over with.  She apologized & said that the nurse at the doctor's office should have told me before hand so I would be prepared.  She stuck my right arm first & was successful at draining a tube of blood.  Then my nightmare began!  She told me to sit tight & she would get me something to drink... I was excited for a moment thinking oh yeah a glass of cold ice water, or maybe some juice.  NOPE... I wanted to hit the floor when she sat that large awful bottle of orange stuff in front of me.  A much larger bottle than the one I had to drink before for the other test.  Yikes!  As I was trying to choke it down I didn't remember it being so thick or quick as yuck before either.  When I finished, they started my time since I had to get my blood taken exactly one hour after that for 3 more hours.  I was probably in the waiting room for a few minutes before I realized the orange yuck wasn't going to settle with me.  Baby Kayla kicked it back out immediately.  Then after exiting the bathroom thinking I was for sure dying... the lab tech told me I had to drink ANOTHER bottle & then they would re-start my time again.  You've gotta be kidding me!  Ugh.  I think my stomach felt sick again just hearing her say that I had a force myself to swallow another horrible bottle of that stuff.

I did it though & returned to the waiting room once again... this time praying baby Kayla would just deal with it & not make me run to the bathroom again.  Luckily there was another girl in the waiting room going through the same test as I was so we became 3 hour friends.  We chatted & talked the entire time about a bunch of nothing & it made the time pass by much easier for sure.

I have to say it was still the longest 3 hours ever though!  The other girl was about 30 minutes ahead of me so she was able to leave before I did.

Baby Kayla was not exactly pleased with this experience & she let me know about it too.  She kicked the entire time as I sat in the waiting room chatting with my new 3 hour friend whose name I shockingly never got.

Let's just say I'm very glad this experience is over with & now I await the results, hoping that the tests went ok & I don't have to go through anything else.  Worst case scenario they will say I have gestational diabetes & then I will have to stick my finger several times a day to check my blood sugar & what ever else I will have to do along with that.  So everyone better keep your fingers crossed for me.  I really don't need anything else to go sideways at this point, geez.

Now we barely have two more months to go before Kayla's approximate arrival time is here.  Wow.  Still so much to do between now & then.  I'll be surprised if I haven't pulled all my hair out from the stress by that point.

Oompa Loompa

I used to have this picture in my head of how I would look when I became pregnant someday & well I have to say my body is turning in to not exactly what I had pictured.  Maybe every woman goes thru this phase but wow, every pregnant woman I see I can't help but think how cute they are & how extremely huge I am.  When I look in the mirror it's like looking at a Oompa Loompa or a short giant elephant.  I wasn't in exactly great shape before I found out I was pregnant so this extra added weight is taking a serious toll on my body.  I'm currently at 30 weeks... yeah... 30 weeks... whew that doesn't even seem right does it?  Kayla is going to be here before we know it.

Everyone keeps telling me to not stress, relax & rest a lot... well that's easier said than done.  I have to depend on everyone around me to do things that I would typically do myself & get done & that's annoying to me.  I hate having to ask for so much help.  Ugh.

I never even knew what heart burn was until now.  Seems like every day I have it & according to my nurse it will only get worse the closer time closes in on baby Kayla's arrival.  That's just what I wanted to hear, great.

I think the stress factor will end once we get moved into our new home & get settled in.  Right now everything's just crazy.  Between wrapping up rodeo season with the banquet less than a week away, trying to get everything at the house done so we can move, starting a new job (again), quitting the other job (again), cattle auction a little over a month away & well... I will have to pack & move at some point I'm hoping in the very near future... equals stress... stress... & more stress.  What does relax mean?  Hell if I know at this point.

The good thing is that I landed another good job & so far I love it.  Today was my first day at just the new job & not having to travel half a day at one job & a half day at the new job.  I'm so tired though, worn smooth out.  By 2pm every day it's almost like my body wants to shut down & sleep or take a power nap.

Well I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that we'll have everything done at the house & be moving in another week.  Everyone else needs to say a prayer & cross your fingers too, because at the rate we're going I'm starting to think we're never going to get moved in.

It's 11pm & I guess I should be hitting the bed for some much needed beauty rest.  God knows I need it.

Long week

Where does the time go anyways?  Tomorrow is Wednesday already... half way thru the week & I'm wondering where Monday & Tuesday went.  Geez.

Yesterday I went in for my glucose test (blood work).  After drinking the yucky orange drink an hour before showing up at the dr office, they do blood work & that's always fun.  On top of getting two tubes of blood sucked from my left arm, they decided to go ahead & do my other blood work again since my paperwork was never faxed over from the other clinic on my initial blood work.  Which equals 5 more tubes of blood being sucked from my right arm.  Nice huh!  Then I received my RhoGAM shot in my "cheek" to top off the dr visit.  Whew, talk about a busy morning.

My wonderful hubby then took me to Ted's to eat some lunch, we came home & ended up taking a much needed several hour nap, which ended up being the remainder of the afternoon.  Oops.  We felt a lot better after getting a few extra zzz's though.

Our big excitement for the day yesterday was buying a couch for our soon-to-be living room!  Oh yeah.  Thank you to CraigsList.  Now we have more seating for our future home.  Tomorrow night we go pick up our new couch.  I'm so excited, I can hardly wait to move in to our new home & start getting everything organized & in place.  The goal is to be moved in by the end of the month & then hopefully early October have a baby shower!  Whew, lots to get done between now & then, I just hope everything goes smoothly & we get everything done in time.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this weekend we can get several things knocked out & move a little closer to finishing everything up!  If it wasn't for my wonderful bff Kat & her husband, I don't know what we would do.  They've been so much help I can't even explain.  Let's just say I owe them bigtime!  So a HUGE thank you to them & I love ya both.

Guess I better head off to bed before I end up over sleeping in the morning.  Yikes.

magic tan... not so magic

As we all know, I can come up with some wonderful ideas from time to time... except for the fact sometimes they don't end up as I planned it out in my head.

Take this for instance... Magic Tan.
I had this brilliant idea that I wanted to do a little spray tanning before I attempted to stumble or walk down the aisle for my wedding.  Since I was getting married on a Tuesday evening... I figured I would go in on a Thursday evening & get my tan on.

Did I mention that not all my ideas always work out as planned?

This is what I consider a complete & total disaster.

So I arrive at Tan & Tone all ready & willing.  I watched a 10 minute video with all the details of what is going to take place behind the Magic Tan door.  The nice lady took me back to the room, went over some instructions, then the door shut.  At first glance I'm not quite sure what to think of this glass coffin I'm soon to be standing in.  I remove all clothing & do all the proper preparations then step into the coffin.  When the door shut I immediately notice the air is very stiff & the smell was a little over powering.

FYI:  If you have severe Asthma... Magic Tan is not a good idea.

I should have immediately known without having even pushed the green go button & already having trouble breathing... this was a bad idea.  But what was my decision?  Yep... I assumed my robot stance & hit the go button.  My first chosen position was to have my back towards the jets of which would be spraying me with my new soon-to-be tan.  When it started it sounded like the air breaks on a semi or a jet engine taking off in flight... loud & scary to say the least.

I immediately went from my robot stance to having my hands & arms directly over my head, saying "oh shit".  Then immediately followed up with "oh crap" because I then realize I'm not in the proper position for the spray tan to be evenly distributed.  In the process of all of that I can't breathe!  The spray tan smells atroshish & completely takes your breathe away.  So I make the quick choice to open & close the glass coffin door a few times to gasp for a quick fresh breathe as best I could, then hurry to assume the correct position again.

In the process of attempting to assume all 4 robot positions correctly, I would open & close the glass coffin door each time in attempt to receive as much fresh air as possible.  Let's just say by the time the last spray had finished I was never so glad to bail out of the glass coffin in to clean air again.  As I look in the mirror I find to my horror that I have wonderful dark streaks running down my legs, arms, face, chest, etc.  Fantastic!  I immediately start the blotting motions with the towel hoping to not smear my new tan but hoping to not have crazy stripe marks all over my body.  Whew.

Unfortunately I've had swelling issues from the start of my pregnancy & by the time I had finished blotting my entire body... I look down & realize I had forgotten to put the correct creme on my toe nails so they wouldn't stain.  Having swelling issues, prevents bending over to that extreme unless I would like to lose what ever I had eaten that day.  I decide it's not that big of a deal, stand there for a few minutes to relax & dry.  As I'm re-applying my clothing I hear the nice lady at the door say "is everything ok in there"?  Which I'm immediately thinking... oh crap she probably noticed the poof's of tanning solution rising from atop the walls, from me opening & closing the coffin door gasping for fresh air.  Oops.  I nicely reply back, "yes all done, getting dressed & fixing to come out".  She says ok then I hurry to finish getting dressed & exit the Magic Tan room & head towards the front.

She stops me to ask how my "experience" was.  Um... how should I reply to this?  Well instead of saying everything was fine, I reply... "it was horrible, total disaster".  She looked at me like I had lost my mind, but I then followed up with the fact, it was loud, smelled bad & I couldn't breathe, but none the less was hoping my new tan would turn out good.  I could tell she was speechless, so I took the opportunity to thank her for her help & wished her a good evening, then hurried out the front door.

Wow what an experience.  Definitely not something I will be participating in again in the future.

The best part is that it's been well over 2 months now since my "experience" with Magic Tan & my toe nails are still this awesome yellow color from the tanning solution soaking in.  Unfortunately there is nothing I can do to remove the yellow coloring, I've tried & nothing works.

So yes... I even walked down the aisle in my wedding with yellow toe nails, it was great, but my dress was long & I seriously don't think anyone noticed.

Some may ask why don't I just get my toe nails painted & well... I can't ever remember having my toe nails painted, because I'm just not that kinda girl.  In fact, I can't stand anyone messing with my feet at all.  I think feet are gross.  Don't touch mine & I won't touch yours, that's the rule.

Hopefully by this time next year, my toe nails will have returned to their original color & the fabulous yellow will be history.

Montana frustration

My hubby & his dad have been on a road trip to Montana since Wednesday.

I have to say I'm ready for him to return home now.

It's frustrating when the longest conversation we've had is approximately 6 minutes at any given time he calls, which is about twice a day.  I know he's with his dad & all.  I know they've been busy & tired.  It's just frustrating.

Especially when your ready to find out all the details of their day plus hopefully discuss the details of mine as well & it abruptly ends with "I gotta run, call ya tomorrow".  Ugh

I guess we're just different in that aspect.  Personally, I would make time every day to have a decent length of conversation with him if I were gone for that long away from home.

It just kind of feels like it's not a big deal to him if we even talk at all.  Or maybe he's so busy he's not missing me.  Heck I don't know.

I'm just ready for him to be home now.  Unfortunately that won't be tomorrow.
Guess I'll just have to deal with it.

Maybe someday I'll get the invite to go to Montana too.  Who knows.

Spike

Now introducing Spike!  He is our newly adopted four legged child.  He comes with the house we are in the process of buying.

What a deal huh?  Buy a house... get a guard dog too.  Awesome!  He's more like an over sized teddy bear, but hey for anyone driving by he has a deep bark & his size is intimidating, so it works.

We are in the process of buying my bff Kat's grandparents house, which happens to be right down the street from my parents.  Hence the reason why Kat & I are bff's... because we grew up down the street from each other.

Anyways... the house is in great condition.  A total perfect situation in so many ways.  Mr. & Mrs. O had to move to Houston to be closer to their daughter & to receive some much needed daily attention.  They've been able to live by themselves all this time, but it was time for them to move.  Of course they were hesitant about moving, but who could blame them for that, I know when that time comes in my life I'll be the same way too.  They really hated to leave Spike behind, but they just couldn't take him with them where they were moving to.  Before they moved, I promised Mrs. O that I would take good care of Spike & he would have a home.  The good thing is, Spike doesn't have to go anywhere.  We're buying the house, so Spike is staying at the home he's always known & doesn't have to be up-rooted & go anywhere else.

I have to admit though, it's kind of a bitter sweet for me.  It seems like everything is falling in to place like it's suppose to, but the sad part for me is that Mr. & Mrs. O don't live there anymore.  They've always lived there.  That house has always been like a 2nd home to me growing up.  Being pregnant, I'm way more emotional about things & saying my goodbye's the day before they left was hard to do.  We are family & the thought of not knowing when I would see these dear sweet people again, was just emotional & still is at times.  I try not to think about it in that way very often & I catch myself & try to re-direct my thoughts to something else.

My sweetheart & I getting married, baby Kayla will be arriving in just 3 short months & us not having real house plans up until the point that Mr. & Mrs. O decided to make the move to Houston... I just have to believe that it all happened for a reason.

On a different note, my bff Kat, her husband & kids have been making trips up here to help make some needed changes & updates to the house.  My brother & sister-n-law have came up to help as well.  Fred & I are very thankful for everyone whose willing to help & we can't wait to move in & finally have room to raise our family.  We are going to fill like we're living in a mansion compared to our 487 sq ft apartment that we've been occupying for the past almost 2 years now.  I wish I could help more with painting, cleaning & different things with the house, but in my current condition some things are just challenging these days.  Bending over makes me want to puke & to much of anything completely wears me out.  I feel like the biggest wimp right now, it's a very helpless feeling for me.

Today we moved the last of the furniture & things that needed to be donated & removed from the house.  Tomorrow we will finish painting the bedrooms & inside kitchen cabinets.  Our next project after that will be bathroom & kitchen flooring.  After that I think we will be ready to roll with moving in.  It's exciting to think that in less than a month we will be moving in & getting settled.  Then we can start getting baby Kayla's bedroom decorated & ready for her to arrive & we're both excited about that too.  Having things in place will make me a little more at ease with day to day life.  Right now I'm just stressed most of the time thinking of the time frame we're looking at before Kayla gets here.

It will also be nice to have room to have guests over for dinner or just to have guests over in general.

So all in all, everything's going up hill right now.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it continues.

Well I guess it's about time to crawl in bed & catch a few z's before the long day tomorrow.  Kayla forces me to sleep more than I typically would.  In fact, somedays I could easily stay in bed all day long I think.  Not really but it does feel that way.

So for now, good night.

day of firsts

Today I met with the nurse program to fill out paperwork, etc. & was assigned to a nurse that will start making home visits or meeting with me on a weekly or bi-weekly basis until baby Kayla is 2 years old & then we graduate from the program.  It seems like a good program.  I think it's a good program for first time mom's, but I'm thinking that it's really meant for mom's who haven't been around children or raised kids before, but I could be wrong.  I guess we'll find out the future we get into the program.  So far so good though.

Today was also my first day back at work part time.  I have to say I loved it.  I loved getting up this morning, getting ready & going to work.  Even if it was only for half a day, maybe that will change back to full time soon when they realize they need me there more than just half a day.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  Of course I'm back to making not as much money & trying to figure out finances, but something is better than nothing, so I'm definitely not complaining.  Plus I missed seeing everyone there, so it was just nice to be back.

I'm also been working on picking up the house & getting stuff cleaned... wow what a task all on it's own to put it lightly.  I've been slacking with cleaning house in the worst way possible the past few months & that's totally not like me.  I've just been over whelmed & now it's caught up to me big time.  Needless to say I have a ways to go before the house is back up to my standards again.  I've made a lot of progress tonight, but hopefully by tomorrow evening I'll have the majority of the house back in order again... fingers are crossed.

Tomorrow my hubby comes home & I'm excited about that.  I don't want to give him a big head... but I do miss him.  I just wish he would make more of an effort to call me when he's out of town & not wait until I call him.  It makes a girl feel good when her man picks up the phone first.

Guess I better start wrapping things up for the night, so I can hit the bed & get some rest for work tomorrow!  Woohoo!

marriage license disaster

So we went downtown to file our marriage license Monday & low & behold guess what...
I noticed they had mis-spelled my name on the marriage license that we had signed!  Apparently I should've looked a little closer when we got the license, but I didn't.

Needless to say, they had to reprint the license & now we have to get everyone to resign everything.  Great huh.  This is just how my luck seems to be running lately.

If it's not one thing it's something else.

We had an appointment to meet with a Family Expectations program today at 5:30pm but when I called hubby at 5:25pm to find out if he was rolling into town or not... he wasn't, he was still working on a tractor  & wasn't going to make it.  This morning he said he would call me later today to let me know how everything was going so I would know if he would be able to make it back or not.  After not hearing from him all day I decided to call at 5:25pm & I probably shouldn't have even bothered to call at all.  I cancelled the appointment & now they're wanting me to re-schedule, Ugh.  It doesn't seem to bother him to not call & let me know what's going on all day or wait til the last minute.  Why is that?

He was grumpy when I called & that drives me absolutely nutts.  Especially when I ask simple questions & get attitude or grumpy in return.  I don't think I deserve that, but whatever, apparently he does.

Ever since I lost my job over a week ago, I've been going absolutely crazy.  Trying to figure out what to do, being a little depressed, pissed off & upset at times too.  An emotional roll-a-coaster to say the least.

The good news is, tomorrow I start back to work.  Part-time at the company I originally left to take on the job that I thought was, to good to be true & ended up being exactly that.  We all learn from our mistakes & I learned a big one this time around.  The unfortunate part is that it's a really bad time to be making wrong decisions.  If I had known I was pregnant before I decided to change jobs... well I honestly wouldn't have made the decision to switch jobs.  What's done is done though & here I am.  I'm actually looking foreward to going back to work.  Something is better than nothing right?  I do miss the people I use to work with & I made a visit there today to go over a few things & get ready for my first day back tomorrow.

So I guess one good has happened this week.  I actually got a job.  Even though it's part time & not full time.  I'm just going to be thankful for what I've got & move forward from here.

Sometimes you just have to work with what ever is tossed at you.

lazy day

This has been an extremely lazy day for all 3 of us.  After getting home from the rodeo at 2am this morning... we ended up sleeping through church this morning by accident.  We were just absolutely exhausted.

We literally slept until almost 11am, then after rolling out of bed, we merged to the living room where we watched tv, ate lunch then about half way through the day we ended up taking a whoppin 3 hour nap.  Yeah... lazy I think is the word for it.

Abigail is known for her naps off & on throughout the day... every day.  She's the laziest dog I've ever known.  Today, both of us joined right in with her routine.  This is a picture of her at 8pm tonight, curled up in my leopard print snuggie on the couch right next to me.  To top it off, she was snoring.  Loudly.  Looks like she's had a rough day but in fact this is what she did all day, just like us.

I know, it's sad.

What can I say.  We never left the house today.  Well except to get something to eat at 9pm at Sonic which is only a few miles up the street.

Then around 1am Kev called to say bulls were out & we actually emerged from the house to find & return the bulls home again.  That was about the extent of our excitement for the day.  We were actually out of the house & did something half way productive.

Taking a 3 hour nap that late in the day, doesn't help with being able to get to sleep at a decent hour.  So here we are approaching 3am, watching tv & not ready to pass out just yet.  Go figure.

ouch

Being prego is an eye opener for how out of shape I really am.  I think I pulled some muscles yesterday & even though it hurt last night... when I woke up this morning it was extremely hard to roll out of bed without crying.  It feels like I ripped a muscle running down each side of my side/stomach or something.

Maybe it's how I lifted & carried stuff yesterday, hell I don't know.  Obviously I did something wrong.  I just know it's painful & all I wanted to do is lay on the couch & not move all damn day today.  Not to mention I learned that baby Kayla doesn't like frito chilli pie from the concession stand at the rodeo.  I didn't sleep very good because of it.  I've had a bowl of cereal today & lots of water, that's the extent of it.  I was hoping my hubby would be home in time to load the truck for me so I wouldn't have to strain those muscles that are already killing me today, but it doesn't appear that will happen.  He was supposed to be here yesterday in time to help me, but waited until the last minute to let me know he wouldn't be able to make it... and not enough time for me to call anyone to ask for help.  Unfortunately that's what happened again today.  5pm he finally called & said he was headed this way (2 hr drive) & I need to be at the arena at 6pm.  Which leaves me loading everything again.  Fantastic.

Apparently this week is just simply not going in my favor, period.

The high for today is 108... yeah seriously.  Feels more like 1,008 though.  As soon as you walk outside sweat starts dripping off you immediately.  These summer temps are ridiculous if you ask me.  This is the last weekend of rodeo before finals in two more weeks.  So we're wrapping up the season for the year.  This whole year has flown by so fast it's crazy.

Well I guess I better get ready & start hauling all the rodeo stuff to the truck in the million degree temp.  Oh fun fun.

Hopefully when my hubby does get to town, he's in an exceptionally sweet, loving mood & maybe I'll get lucky & he'll even bring me something good to eat, so I won't have to eat that wonderful rodeo food.

Fingers are crossed.

failing

So here's a brief run down of my current craziness...

After marrying the love of my life on July 27th, wonderful reception the Saturday following... we took a brief 3 day honeymoon to Branson, MO last Thursday through Saturday.  We had a great time.  We arrived around 7pm Thursday night... we got a later start then what we had originally planned, but the cabin we rented was totally awesome to put it lightly.  A total honeymoon dream.  We grabbed something to eat then retired to our room shortly after that because we were exhausted from the drive.  Friday we got up & hit the town til around 3pm then headed to Silver Dollar City where we stayed the rest of the day.  Needless to say... it was hot & my body was absolutely worn smooth out by the time we left there.  If anyone wants a true leg workout, Silver Dollar City is definitely the place to go.  I honestly don't think any walking path is straight, it's all up & down hill & sometimes pretty steep.  For this prego body, it was a true test & not being in exactly tip top shape carrying around what seems like an extra 90 lbs right now, whew... exhausting.  We ate at a nice restaurant after we left Silver Dollar, then retired to our room for a relaxing bath, then passed out directly after that.  Unfortunately baby Kayla decided she didn't like what I had eaten for dinner & woke me up around 2am, then off & on the remainder of the evening.  It was a very long night to say the least & Saturday morning came way to early for me.

When I finally made my body drag itself out of bed & get up & around, it was around 10am.  Check out was 11am, so I managed to get around, packed & ready to roll shortly before 11am somehow.  Then we headed back to Silver Dollar City for a few hours to finish seeing things we didn't get a chance to look at the day before.  After we left there, we grabbed a bit to eat, did some last minute shopping then hit the highway back to Oklahoma.

We got home at 10:30pm then after we un-loaded the truck, we headed to my parents house to pick up Abigail, then head back home to pass out.

Well after a wonderful honeymoon vacation with my honey... it was back to the grind stone.

It never fails that after a bunch of good things happen to me... something always has to go wrong somewhere I swear.

Monday, my new fabulous job that I loved so much... ended.  Yep, just like that.
Seemed like everything that could go wrong while I was working there in the past 4 months... did go wrong.  I guess some things are just not meant to be.

Monday I was on an emotional roll-a-coaster to put it lightly.  My moods changed from upset, to pissed off, back to upset again, etc.  I was a total & complete mess.  I have to admit I didn't see this coming & I was in total shock when I got the news.

So here I am, 23 weeks prego & job-less.  I can't help but think about how un-fair this is to be in such a spot.  Like why did this have to happen to me?  Being newly married & prego, this is a hard hit for us.

I've had very supportive friends & family this week, but I have to say that my #1 support has been my hubby.  He's been absolutely wonderful.  Monday night when all I wanted to do is crawl in a mud hole somewhere & never come back out... he took me to town, we grabbed something to eat, rented two movies, came home & stayed up until 2am hanging out watching movies together.  I honestly couldn't have asked for a better evening & I'm so very thankful for how supportive he was & has been.  I'm very lucky to be married to such a wonderful man.

I keep telling myself that this has all happened for some reason unknown to me & that somehow someway everything will work out the way it's suppose to.

one week

Well here we are... exactly one week to the day we say our "I do's".  I have to say the past week has flown by pretty fast.

Today had its ups & downs.
I started the morning off with no kiss goodbye or typical walk to my truck from my honey.
On my drive to work I decided today was going to be a good day at work... which for the most part was until around 4pm when it took a plunge into a mud pit.  We won't discuss the details though.  Let's just say it really sucked.

On the brighter side of the day...
After work I got the oil changed in my truck, to get ready for our Branson trip.
When I got home from work, I've spent most of the evening relaxing, watching tv.

Now I'm fixing to call it an early evening & retire myself to bed.

Blah... hopefully tomorrow is a better day all around.

officially official

Well it's officially official, we are Mr. & Mrs. Cowcatcher!  Woohoo!

I thought our wedding went really nice last night & we were happy with how everything turned out.

I didn't even so much as trip while we were walking down the aisle either.  That's always a bonus.  The best part was that my dad actually walked slowly with me... unlike his brisk walk during rehearsal the night before.

I think the only complaint I had was the hot beaming lights that were supposed to be adjusted before our wedding, which apparently didn't happen.  They felt like heat lamps from a tanning bed but with no fan to cool ya off.  Luckily we both made it through without completely melting in a pool of sweat.

Now we're looking forward to this Saturday for our reception.  My bff Kat is making our cakes & I can't wait to see them.  Her cakes are always awesome.  She should really consider doing it for a living, she'd make a serious stack of cash I'm positive.  I have to brag though... I have the most talented bff ever.  I swear there's nothing she can't do.  She's done so much for my wedding it's crazy.  If only I had half her talent, wow.  I'm just so thankful & blessed to have her as my bff & everything she's done for me & continues to do.  She's just an awesome bff!

Yesterday was such a long day!  I rolled out of bed way before I wanted to & then had a nail appointment at 10am.  After my nail appointment I went to my parents house to pick up a few things to take w/me to the church just in case they didn't get there the same time I did.  After that I ran into town to Parkway to look at a white dress shirt for Fred to wear with his suit.  He met me there to check it out & didn't like the shirt so he left & went to eat lunch w/his family & I headed north west bound to madly search other stores for the perfect shirt.  1pm & 3 stores later I found one & purchased it after calling to make sure he was ok w/what I had found.  Left the store immediately, ran back to Parkway to have them press it so we could pick it up at 4pm.  By this point the afternoon was closing in on me & I was starving!  I ran thru the drive-thru at Braum's & headed home to eat & relax.  After I finished eating, my Mary Kay lady called to say she had my make-up ready for me, so I jumped in my truck & drove over there to pick that up, then headed back home again.  At this point it was 3:30pm & I was exhausted.  I made the decision to lay down for a brief nap & ended up sleeping until almost 5pm.  Oops.  Supposed to be at the church at 6pm.  Fred got home right after I jumped out of the shower & somehow we made it to the church right at 6pm.

So that was the crazy day yesterday.  Needless to say we were both extremely exhausted by the time the evening was over.  After our wedding, we all went to eat at Mackie McNear's.  Fred & I went by my parents house afterwards to drop my dress off & for him to change clothes & leave his suit there as well.  By the time we got home for the night it was late & we were both totally wiped out.

I'm certain as soon as both our heads hit the pillows we were out like a light.

The alarm went off way to early this morning, then I started kicking myself for not taking a half day off work today so that I could let my body re-coop from yesterday.  Apparently I wasn't thinking about how drained I would be.

The sweetest thing happened this morning though.  When Fred walked me out to my truck as I was leaving for work, he had put his ring on!  Awe... just totally warmed my heart.  I wasn't expecting him to have it on that early this morning, but he did.  I melted a little.  Ok... I melted a lot.  Then I wanted to go back inside the house & curl up in bed with him... but unfortunately I had to go to work.

Tonight I plan on getting to bed fairly early to catch up on some much needed rest.  Baby Kayla is draining me of all my energy these days.  Today has been the biggest challenge so far.  I think I've dozed off over 100 times trying to be productive at work.  Hopefully this evening we'll have a nice quiet evening together... our first evening alone as Mr. & Mrs.  Awe.

I can't wait to post pics of my hott husband in his suit though, wow he was smokin hott!

going to the chapel

Ok... everyone sing it with me now...

Going to the chapel and we're gonna to get married.
Going to the chapel and we're gonna to get married.
Gee, I really love you and we're gonna to get married.

Going to the chapel of love.
Spring is here,
the sky is blue.
Whoa! the birds all sing as if they knew.
Today's the day, we'll say, "I do"
and we'll never be lonely anymore.

Because we're going to the chapel and we're gonna get married.
Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married.
Gee, I really love you and we're gonna get married.
Going to the chapel of love.

Bells will ring,
the sun will shine.
Whoa, I'll be his and he'll be mine.
We'll love until the end of time
and we'll never be lonely anymore.

Because we're going to the chapel and we're gonna get married.
Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married.
Gee, I really love you and we're gonna get married.

Going to the chapel of love.
Going to the chapel of love.
Going to the chapel of love

Well we're now down to less than a day away from becoming Mr. & Mrs. Cowcatcher.  Everyone keeps asking me if I'm nervous or getting the last minute jitters, but I'm not & I haven't had any of that.  The only thing I'm nervous about is walking down the aisle in my dress & hoping everyone likes the way I look in it.  As far as actually getting married... I'm not the least bit nervous at all.

I guess when you know in your heart your marrying the person whom you know for a fact you will spend the rest of your life with... maybe you don't get nervous or have the last minute jitters, who knows.

I've learned first hand... that even planning something simple & small takes a lot of planning & can be a lot more stressful then I ever imagined.  I can't imagine trying to plan some crazy huge ceremony like some of those shows you see on TV.  That's just not our style, plus why spend that much money on something that will only last for a day.  I'd rather save the money & purchase something we need or want.

I have to admit that it does kinda feel like we're in some type of dream right now.  This time next year, not only will we be celebrating our first anniversary together but we will also be holding our first child.  Kinda crazy to think about huh.

I know that I can't wait to see my honey all decked out tomorrow night.  He's gonna look hott.  Wait, what am I saying... to me he always looks hott.  Do you think it would appropriate for me to grab his butt when we have our first kiss as Mr. & Mrs.?  Nah... I'm just kidding.  Not sure the preacher would find that humorous & it would probably embarrass my honey as well.  I'll refrain.

Chances are, this will be my last blog as a single woman.  The title will officially fit after this.
"When Two Trails Become One Road"

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."


1 Corinthians 13:4-7

week 21

Well I'm officially at the 21 week mark with baby Kayla & here's her latest ultra sound pic.  When we went to the ultra sound on the 6th that's when we found out we were having a baby girl.

I've been set on the name Kayla Elizabeth for as long as I can remember.  My bff Kat & I always said we would name our children after each other.  Sure enough... the first baby she had was a girl & shares my middle name!  Of course I think that's totally awesome.  Elizabeth is Kat's middle name & it just so happens we're having a baby girl first.  I always wished that our kids would grow up together & become bff's too, just like Kat & I, but life didn't work out that way & that's ok.

There was a point in my life that I wasn't sure I would ever have children.  After a certain age you start to wonder if you'll ever find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with & have a family with.  Even though it's taken almost 33 years... I have to say I've never been happier!  In less than one week I will be walking down the aisle towards the love of my life to say our vows in front of our immediate family with our bff's standing beside us.  I'm so excited & not even the least bit nervous.  I think I'm more nervous about what everyone will think of me in my dress then anything else.  I just hope that Fred loves me in the dress & it brings tears of happiness when he sees me in it.  That's the reaction I'm hoping & praying for.

As far as baby Kayla... she's definitely in there, dancing around to hopefully country music, but somedays it feels like she's seriously breaking it down in there.  I'm sure Fred can't wait until the day he'll be able to feel her too.  For now, it's just me who feels her doing flips or dancing.  Sometimes it tickles, but I've been warned that eventually it will be kinda painful.  I'm hoping Kayla decides to go easy on me.

I feel pretty good for the most part.  I have these stupid swelling issues that I can't seem to get rid of & I haven't been able to feel 4 fingers on my right hand for a little over 2 weeks now, which is apparently due to swelling also.

If I had to pick two of my biggest issues it's my extreme back pain & sleeping!  It's so hard to make it through the entire day without wanting to lay down somewhere & take a nap.  I have a bad back anyways & being prego seems to be pushing me to my limits somedays on the pain scale.  I manage to hide it for the most part but using my HoMedics Lumbar Massaging Cushion has helped a lot thankfully & I try to use it in the evening time when we're relaxing, watching tv.

As far as sleeping goes... I just flat out need to get to bed earlier.  For example today I'm dragging bigtime because we didn't get home & get to bed until 11:30pm & now I'm dearly paying for it.

Oh how I long to crawl into bed & pass out.  Hopefully bedtime will come early tonight.