the end of 2010

Well this is it... the end of the year 2010.  This will be my last blog for the year.  Crazy to think that another year has whizzed by so fast.

Our New Years evening consisted of hanging out at home, just the three of us.  I made cheese dip to snack on for dinner.  My hubby came home from being out west & I was ready to bring in the New Year with him when he got here.  Miss Kayla was a little fussy today & it was just one of those days.  I'm pretty exhausted & could use about a 10 hour nap, but somehow, someway I'm still functioning at this point.  I was hoping to not colapse before the clock dings midnight.  Then again... what's the big deal about staying up until midnight anyways?

I guess the older you get, the urge to party your ass off right up until midnight just fades away.  I remember those days, or should I say I lived through those days.  I look back & wonder how I did manage to survive all my New Years partying days, but I'm just sure glad that I did.  Heck, I haven't even had a drop of alcohol since somewhere around January-February 2010... that's almost a year!  It doesn't even bother me anymore.  Don't get me wrong, once in awhile a beer sounds damn good though.

I've had this re-occuring headache for the past few days, ugh.  I take tylenol & it goes away briefly but then returns hours later.  It's very annoying & I'm ready for it to go away & not come back again.  Maybe it's the lack of sleep, stress... who knows?  God knows I could use a nap right now, that's for sure.

Oh how I long for a long soak in a hot bath these days!  A shower would even be nice at this point.  I use to be one of those people who showered twice a day but since I've had Miss Kayla... well let's just say that I haven't showered since Wednesday night & this is now Friday.  I know, I know... everyone is probably saying YUCK right about now & I totally agree with you, trust me.  Even though I haven't done anything except sit here at home, starring at the same walls, just me & Kayla hanging out.  So it's not like I've really done anything to get dirty, sweaty, but still.  Truthfully, I long to have a large bathtub big enough for me & hubby to soak in together... now that would be nice!  Ok, lets not talk about that though.

However, I did manage to get my hair done yesterday, woohoo!  My roots were so long it was sad looking.  I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror without screaming in terror.  But now... my hair is looking good again, thankfully!

What are the odds that I will wake up tomorrow & 50 lbs would have magically fallen off while I slept?
Ok, I'll settle for 20 lbs falling off in my sleep.

No I'm not crazy, I'm just dilerious!  Surely I've mentioned that I could use a nap by now, right?

Well I guess that's my last post for 2010 everyone.  Woohoo for 2011... ready or not here we come!

a new body

With the birth of our precious baby Kayla... came a new body for me.  I have to admit that the first time I took a peak at my incision from my c-section in the hospital, I had a small emotional break down.  I guess it was just a little overwhelming for me at that moment.  The tears just poured down my face without control & as I walked out of the bathroom I saw Fred & I just cried even more.  As he put his arms around me trying to assure me that everything was ok & it would be ok, I felt a little relief but not completely.  The moment soon passed & I started thinking about the reason for the scar in the first place & how it was all well worth it & how I would do it again in a heart beat for my precious baby Kayla.

As the days have passed since that moment... I would still do it all over again because we have this most precious baby as a result.

Ever since I started gaining weight & my body started making adjustments to accommodate Kayla's home in my belly, my self esteem bottomed out & it's been rather hard to part with the fact my body will never be the same as it was once before.  I know losing the weight will be the hardest challenge for me & the question I keep asking myself over & over is... will I ever be sexy again?  Will my wonderful husband think I'm sexy or desire me as he once did?

After years of seeing all my good friends & family have babies & hearing all the emotions they've gone through... now I can understand it first hand myself.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade a moment of what I had to go through to bring baby Kayla into the world.  I just have this overwhelming desire to wake up in the morning & my body to have it's structure back & the pounds just have fallen off magically somehow.  I know, it's a dream world I guess, but that's just my thoughts.

I think we all question whether we will be good parents, when we haven't had the experience before.  Even I, who have taken kids under my wing as my own over the years, questioned myself as well.  Having the opportunity to become a mother is the greatest gift of all I strongly believe.  That overwhelming feeling of love you have for your child is just simply amazing to experience.  I can sit & stare at her for long periods of a time & just think of what a wonderful job my husband & I did to make this beautiful girl.

With all of that said, I'm learning to cope with all of the emotions that rush over me dealing with my new body I've been handed.  My goal is to be healthy & to lose the pounds that I should've kept off over the past two years to begin with.

2011 is going to be life changing for me & for our family for sure.  I'm not yet 100% sure that I'm quite up for the challenge just yet, but I'm definitely going to give it my all... as I always do.

I want to be the best wife I can be to my wonderful husband.
I want to be the best possible mother I can be to my precious baby Kayla.
I want to lose weight & obtain some type of desireable figure once again.
I wish to be successful at my new job & earn a decent income in which to help support my family.

All of these things & more are what I have on my goal list for 2011 & really... my goals for the rest of my life, how ever long that may be.

So my fingers & toes are crossed, hoping that I'm successful at everything I wish to accomplish for the upcoming year.

Christmas 2010

What a wonderful Christmas this has been for us.  So many wonderful things to be thankful for.

Christmas Eve...
We went to my brother's house for lunch at 1pm.  My parents brought along Uncle Earl & that was great to have him join us this year.  Otherwise he would've been sitting at home alone & well who wants to do that on the holiday.  This is my great-niece Katie's first Christmas, our first Christmas being married & our baby Kayla's first Christmas also.  So many great things to celebrate this year!

It's hard to believe the year is almost over already.  This year has gone by fast, very fast!  We've had ups & we've had downs this year, that's for sure.  I'd like to think there have been more goods then bads though.  I guess that's just life though.

All in all we have a lot to be thankful for.  Two things especially... our wonderful marriage & the birth of our first baby.

Christmas Day...
We spent the day at Fred's parents house with all of the family.  It's been a great Christmas this year.  I have to brag & say we both have wonderful families.  It's just nice to spend time with everyone for the holidays & be able to celebrate a new little life, baby Kayla.

This is officially our first Christmas as a married couple & to me that's very special.  To be able to spend the holidays with the love of my life, that's just priceless.  We have our moments of course that we want to ring each other's neck, but really there's no other person I can imagine spending the rest of my life next to.

Kayla had a great time getting to meet everyone & spend time in everyone's loving arms.  I could tell she was worn completely out by the time we retired back to home, but I know she had a good time.

I'm starting back to work this week... working from home part time that is.  I'm very lucky to have that option & I can't say how thankful I am for the loss of my last job to allow me this opportunity to arise.  It's amazing how things somehow just work themselves out... & like the saying goes... "everything happens for a reason".  So true... so true it is.

To all...
Merry Christmas with love from our family to yours!

12 days

Well today marks Kayla at 12 days old.  Whew... what a fast 12 days this has been.  I have a feeling time is going to fly by even faster now with a child.

She's just as precious, sweet, loveable as ever too.  It's amazing what kind of love you have in your heart, isn't it?  I just love her with all my heart & more.

Kayla has her first dr appointment tomorrow.  I'm hoping she gets a good grade & passes all her tests!

I'm starting to realize how hard it's going to be to go back to work again & leave her.  Ugh.  I knew long before she arrived that there's no other option then for me to go back to work & honestly it would be stupid for me not to.  I guess since she's just so little, it's hard to think of leaving her, I don't know.  Mixed emotions I guess.

On the flip side to that... I'm about to lose my mind here at home.  I'm lonely being at home by myself every day... all day.  Starring at the same walls day end & day out.  It kinda gets to you after awhile.  I'm one of those people who need civilization & to interact with people.  Don't get me wrong, I love being at home with Kayla, but just having visitors & not actually physically leaving the house is taking it's toll.  I love when visitors stop in to see us.  I look forward to the day I can physically lift the car seat & Kayla to put in the back seat of the truck to go somewhere!  Approaching two weeks after c-section, I feel like I'm healing pretty good.  Once in a blue moon it hurts or I can tell if I've over done myself, but other than that I feel good.  We made a trip to Target Sunday night so I could get out of the house & then yesterday I was sore all day.  Ugh.  That sucked.

Last night was the first night for me & Kayla to be by ourselves all night & that sucked too.  Until I'm fully healed, it's nice to have Fred there to get up & down to make bottles or throw diapers in the trash for me, so I'm not having to do everything just yet.  All in all, we made it through the night & survived so I guess we did good, ha ha.  It's just been a long two days without him here & I'm patiently awaiting his arrival home this evening!  I'm sooo ready to see him!  Visitors are great, but there's nothing like having your husband home.

I love you honey & I can't wait for you to walk through the door!

Now introducing Miss Kayla

Miss Kayla decided to finally make her appearance on Thursday, December 9th at 4:11am.  She weighed 6lbs 14oz 20 inches long.  So today it's officially been one week.  Hard to believe it's already been a week, everything's gone so fast since then.

I have to brag though, I think she's the most beautiful baby girl in the entire world & I was head over heels in love with her before she even got here.  Now that she's here, those feelings have only gotten stronger.

Her daddy & I are definitely proud parents without a doubt.

Being induced & labor was not exactly what I had pictured in my mind.  It was an extremely long 20 hours.  I was really crossing my fingers & praying that I wouldn't have to end up having a c-section, but that's exactly what the end result was.  Miss Kayla just wasn't wanting to come out naturally no matter how hard I tried.  By the time 3:30am Thursday morning arrived... I was absolutely exhausted & worn completely out.  The nurses & doctor made the decision that it was time for a c-section, which of course I agreed to at that point.  The number one most important thing was that Kayla arrived here safely & obviously if she wasn't willing to come out naturally I didn't want her to indure any further stress.

Kayla came out with her eyes wide open & ready to take on the world.  Totally amazing.  The c-section was a little emotional for me & I'm just so thankful that Fred was there with me thru every step & was so great to stand beside me thru all the pain & uncomfortable-ness I went thru in that 20 hours.  I honestly couldn't ask for a more supportive husband during that time, he was just wonderful.

The end result was the arrival of our precious baby Kayla & wow how emotional that was.  To know that she was finally here & within a few minutes I would be holding her in my arms.  Just simply amazing.  After they stitched me up & it was time to roll me back to my room for recovery, they laid her next to me in my arms to hold on my way back to the room.

I ended up staying until Saturday & then luckily we were released from the hospital to go home!  It just so happens they were doing construction on the roof directly above my room & I basically didn't get any sleep the entire time I was at the hospital.  So by the time Saturday rolled around I was more then ready to make a b-line for the door.  I knew I would be able to get a lot more rest in the comforts of my home.

The recovery of the c-section is a little more trying that I ever imagined it would be.  Pain pills have definitely been a blessing to help take the edge off so that I could function the first few days & slowly but surely I'm starting to heel & not have to take the pain pills as often anymore.  I'm not a fan of taking pain mediction anyways, so the faster I can deal without it the better in my opinion.

Life at home with baby Kayla has been great so far.  Lots of sleepless nights/days of course, but all in all, she's just a doll.  I guess when you cross a point in your life that your not real sure you'll ever have children of your own... & then you actually bring something so precious home... your just so thankful to have her... the sleepless nights/days are all more than worth it.  We're still making adjustments & trying to obtain some sort of schedule or routine in our day to day lives.  Fred has had to be gone to work a lot & it's just been Kayla & I hanging out during the days, but lil' peanut & I have become quite a team.

Since baby Kayla is resting I decided while I had the chance I would blog & brag.  I really should be napping though, considering the lack of sleep is catching up with me.  I have lots that I should be doing, but nothing I feel up to at the moment.

Don't worry I will be blogging again soon with more updates!

Kayla finally within sight

Well after a very rough week has past... the dr officially scheduled us to go in Wednesday to be induced.  Kayla is finally within sight.  She's been quite stubborn in my opinion.  Everyone is wanting to have a chat with her once she arrives to let her know how stubborn she really has been & how much she's been making everyone wait for her arrival.  I'm totally on board with that.

I know everyone, including us have been not-so-patiently awaiting her arrival for some time now.  So it's a relief to know that tomorrow we will finally get to kiss, hug & shower her with love.

Everyone has been so supportive & informational during my whole pregnancy which I'm very thankful for.  We're so blessed & lucky to be surrounded by amazing family & friends.  Everyone is so willing to help out & just be there if we need them.  Who could ever ask for more, I mean really?

Instead of posting clipart of baby stuff, from now on I will have actual pictures to post of baby Kayla, which is a great feeling to have.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Abigail adjusts well to her new little baby sister.  I'm hoping that the transition goes well once we bring Kayla home to meet Abigail for the first time.  Since Abigail has been the only spoiled rotten 4-legged child in the house for so many years now... I worry about jealousy issues, but I'm keeping the faith that it won't take long for the adjustment to settle in & everything to be fine so I won't have to worry or stress about it.

We've been slowly making Abigail sleep in her new domain in the den on the love seat with her blankets & that's been going suprisingly well considering she's been used to sleeping in the bed with me all the years.  I will admit though, I'm kinda sad to not have her in the bed anymore, but I know it's for the best since Kayla will be sleeping in the bedroom with us now.

Just think... the next blog I will write, will be after we arrive back home with Kayla.  Everyone keep us in your thoughts & hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow.  Don't worry I will be blogging as soon as I feel up to it.  I know everyone couldn't live without my crazy writing.  ha ha

where's Kayla?

That's the question we're asking right now... where's Kayla?  Apparently she's being stubborn & hard-headed about wanting to make her appearance in to the world.

I personally think the stubborn & hard-headed-ness comes from her daddy... just my opinion.  (wink wink)
Ok... it might come from both sides, I'll admit.

So here we sit, not-so-patiently waiting the moment when we load up in the truck & make the drive to the hospital.  I'm really hoping & crossing my fingers that they don't have to end up inducing me & that baby Kayla makes the decision on her own between now & Monday.  Monday I'm scheduled for another dr visit & he told me last time that if I haven't had her by this appointment that we would schedule the day to induce.  So no matter what... within a week we will have Miss Kayla here one way or another.

Well I guess that's all for now.  Everyone just keep your fingers crossed & say a few prayers as well.

no progress

Well unfortunately I don't have any new baby Kayla pictures to post today.  She still hasn't decided to arrive yet.  After all the discomfort I went through especially yesterday... I was sure I would've been making a hospital trip before now.

I had another sleepless, restless night last night & I'm starting to think that's just how it's going to be until she gets here.  I just can't get comfortable or when I finally do, then I have to get up to go to the bathroom.  This happens about every hour of the night time.

Funny thing is that my body has kinda adjusted to the frequent bathroom trips all during the night.  It's almost as if I'm sleep-peeing, as I like to call it.  Some people sleep-walk... well I sleep-pee I guess.  I know, sounds crazy, but I swear it's true.

I guess I spoke to soon yesterday about Fred making a trip out west.  I was under the impression the trip out west was going to be a quick one today & he would hurry to return back home.  Unfortunately this is not exactly the case.  He left at 9am & yet it's 7pm in the evening & I haven't heard a peep from him today.  Not so much as one phone call to check in to find out how I'm doing or feeling, nothing.  Amazing isn't it?  I guess I'm confused wondering how he could spend the entire day, whether he's been busy or not... & not think about calling once.  If the situation was reversed, I would be beside myself just leaving town & being so far away in fear that I would miss the birth of my first child, considering the trip is a little over 2 hours.  I guess everyone thinks & feels differently though & I can't change that.

It's just really frustrating & stressful right now & I know I don't need to deal with this, especially now.
I feel like chopped liver.  Not that my self-esteem is at real high at this point anyway's & I guess what I need is him to be caring & loving right now.

Apparently that's asking way to much.  Ugh.  Someone just shoot me please.

another long day

After falling asleep in my chair watching Oprah late last night, I was sure that I was ready to snuggle up in my warm bed & get a good nights rest... but that didn't exactly happen.  Instead I had a restless night of not sleeping for any good length of time & the sun shined through the window before I was ready for it to this morning.

Walking was a difficult task, so I made the decision that motivating myself enough to get around & actually drag myself to work probably wasn't the best choice for the day.  Since I've never been through labor or any of this child birth process before, I'm not exactly sure what to do or think or when to actually make the the trip to the hospital.  There are moments when I think... just shoot me & get it over with.  I hate not being able to walk or move around like normal.

I'm not saying it's not worth it, because I know after baby Kayla arrives... I will probably forget all the pain & uncomfort that I had to deal with in the days leading up to her arrival, but for now... I'm just ready for her to get here so I can start to get back on my feet again.  I'm also anxious to see what our Kayla looks like.

It's hard to know what is going thru Fred's mind right now.  I know he has a job to do out west & to be honest the thought of him being 2 hours away scares the hell out of me right now.  Yesterday I was physically uncomfortable most of the day/evening but today... it's been a worse.  I just have this feeling I'm pretty close but then the thought crosses my mind what if Kayla decides to be stubborn & make me suffer for several more days?  Yikes.  Hopefully that's not the case.  I've had more contractions today then I had yesterday & even two that were about 30 minutes apart even, but then nothing after that.  How crazy, geez.

Luckily Fred decided not to go out west today & stay close just in case, which helped me stay more calm for sure.  Not that he has to be right next to me every second but just knowing that he's within minutes if I do call to say, "Ok It's Time"!  That makes me much more at ease knowing he's close by.

Let's all say it together now... "Kayla hurry up & get here, your making mommy miserable"
Not to mention I'm 100% positive that my entire body is completely falling apart the past two days!  Ugh.