March 5, 2009 5:30pm

Some dates are stuck in your mind, a permenant fixture for life.  You remember where you were, what you were doing & who you were with.  I have several that are like that... but one particular is March 5, 2009 5:30pm.  That was when my precious grandma became an angel.

I was lucky to be blessed with the sweetest grandma in the world & she was everything to me.  My entire life my grandma told me that I was her angel & that I was a true blessing from God.  We always had a strong bond together.  When she had a stroke & her health immediately took a downhill slide, it completely tore me apart.  Grandma was so special to me & then when my dad called to say that she had taken her last breathe... I felt like my chest was going to collapse.

It's never easy to let someone go, to say goodbye & know in your heart that it's forever. The last time you will hold their precious hand in yours & tell them how much you love them.  The last time I saw my grandma I had that tight knot in the bottom of my stomach... I knew she wasn't happy to continue on like she was.  Unable to speak clearly or even at all sometimes.  Not able to move around on her own without a wheelchair or help with everyday tasks.  Helpless I guess you could say.  It was just sad & very hard to witness.

The memories I have in my heart will always be there & it's not something anyone can ever take away from me.

Even though I wished so much that my grandma could have been at my wedding & been there for the birth of my daugher... I felt her there as my angel.  I know she was there in spirit & that gives me comfort.

My grandma was just an amazing woman to say the least.  She was so strong, proud & always said exactly what she thought without caring what anyone around her thought.  I learned a lot from her.

When my grandpa passed away I was so scared that it wouldn't be long before I would lose her too.  After 73 years of marriage... she said that she felt like she was married her entire life & that's all she knew.  The adjustment for her after my grandpa's death took awhile.  She wasn't use to sleeping alone or being alone & it was extremely hard for her, but after some time... she eventually said... "I'm ok to be alone now, so you don't have to worry anymore".  I knew that she meant what she said.  What I thought was so amazing was the fact that the year following his death she told me on their anniversary... we've been married 74 years now.  She explained that even though he's passed, doesn't mean that she's still not married to him in her heart & since one day they would be together again... their marriage wasn't over & it wasn't til death do us part because she didn't believe it had to end there since her love didn't end there.  Brings tears to my eyes just writing that.  Now... that's true love.  REAL LOVE!  That's the kind of love that everyone wants to have with someone.  Knowing that when you take your vows it's forever & no matter what you will stand beside each other throughout life until even after you take your last breathe.  That's pretty rare in my opinion, but that's the values I grew up with.  Love has no end.

I've been wanting to write a tribute blog to my grandma for awhile now, but just couldn't.  It's still hard sometimes.  It's hard to know that all I have is the memory of her voice telling me she loves me or the memory of her kissing me hello & goodbye each time she saw me... even if she saw me more than once that day.  She always said that you can never tell someone you love them to much because you never know if it will be the last phone conversation or the last hug you have with them.  How true that is.

I love you grandma!

Formula disaster...

Just thought I would throw this out there as a heads up for everyone...

Before dumping the powdered formula in to the bottle... make sure you have a drop in liner in first... otherwise you make a mess all over the counter & waste formula.

Just a little FYI... just sayin'.  Good info to keep in mind.

First night in the crib

Well after many hesitations... I decided tonight would be the first night Kayla would sleep in her crib all night long & see how she does.  She was a little restless earlier this afternoon/evening but after fighting back sleep she finally gave in & I put her in her crib to sleep.

I have a feeling she'll do just fine & probably sleep a little better with a little more room to stretch out, but I can't help but be a little sad.  She's already growing to fast & we've only just begun.  We're quickly approaching the 4 month mark now & I'm already questioning where the time has gone.

On the bright side... today has been a productive day.  I cleaned & picked up the house, did a few loads of laundry & me & Kayla played, relaxed & watched a little TV together.  Then my friend Pam stopped by this evening & spent a few hours with us.  She hadn't seen Kayla since she's been born, so I was happy they finally got to meet.

Tomorrow my plan is to work on the den/office/Abigail's domain.  It looks like a tornado came through there in the worst way possible.  Every time I walk down there it's a little overwhelming to think about where to even begin, but tomorrow I'm going to attempt to conquer it once & for all.

Another wonderful thing happened today!  My friend Krissy & her husband finally got to welcome their new sweet baby boy Tate into the world.  A complete blessing from God.  This has been a long awaited arrival & every one's so ecstatic about it!  He is so lucky to have two wonderful big sisters to look after him too, I know the girls are so extremely happy right now.  I can't wait to give little Tate a big ole' kiss!  He's blessed to have two wonderful parents.  God knew exactly what he was doing there's no question about that.

Krissy... sorry I just had to steal this picture from you, so I could share & blog about it!  I didn't think you would mind.  (smile)  I love ya'll.

I long to have stuff hanging on my walls... right now it's so plain, bare & kinda boring.  Believe it or not, I own tons of pretty, nice things to hang all over the walls, but it's just a matter of unpacking them & then getting them hung up.  I need a handy man fairy or something.  Wait... that probably doesn't or shouldn't go in the same sentence... handy man & fairy.  Anyways... I need to just say "hang this or that" & it magically get done with out me having to beg, plead or keep reminding over & over again until I finally give up.  Giving up is kinda where I'm at right now.  I have curtains to be hung in the living room... they're just lacking the hanging of the horseshoes in order for the curtains to be hung.  Ugh.  At least the horseshoes have made it to the living room... but that's as far as they've made it at this point.

Well I'm off to stare check on my beautiful sleeping angel then I'm going to attempt to retire myself because I have a feeling I will be up & down all night starring checking on my love bug.

All Girls Weekend

Well I've officially made it through another work-week & here it is finally Friday!

We have big plans this weekend... wait... not really.  Just me & love bug hanging out & well that's about it.  Honestly my plan is to work around the house organizing, unpacking, ya know... fun stuff.  I'm sure Kayla could probably care less about this.  Her main goals for every day include, eating, pooping, peeing & let's not forget the most important... sleeping.  She's starting to let out a few laughs with noise lately & that's just the cutest thing ever.  Just warms my heart when I'm playing with her & she starts laughing or she's smiling.

The weather is suppose to be a little chilly over the weekend, but I look forward to the nice weather coming so I can take Kayla outside to hang out.

I think I'm going to attempt an exact repeat of last Saturday morning.  Kayla woke me up early but then we snuggled in bed & fell back asleep for a few hours, which was nice so I could catch up on some much needed sleep.  So I'm hoping that tomorrow morning will go similiar.

I'm completely exhausted & the weekends are the only chance I have to play a little catch up on some zzz's.

Now I'm yawning... guess that's my cue that my head needs to go hit the pillow now.

13 lbs 22.5 inches

Last Thursday Kayla weighed in at a whoppin' 13lbs & 22 1/2 inches long now.  Amazing.

This picture is coming a little late, but oh well.  This was her precious Valaentine's Day outfit her daddy & I bought for her to wear.  I didn't realize until Sunday that I hadn't even taken any pictures of her in it.  What was I thinking... geez... I'm seriously slacking or something.

I have to say that I absolutely love her facial expressions.  I can just sit & watch her make facial expressions all day long.  With each day she's making more & more sounds too, which is way to cute.  I wish she could just stay this small for a long while, so I can soak up all this precious-ness she's giving out.

Kayla's had a lot of hair from day one, but now it's getting really long in the back.  In the sunlight her hair is extremely light but I think it's more of a sandy-blonde for the most part.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm obsessed or if I'm turning in to one of those picture crazed people.  I try to take a picture of her in almost every outfit she has & Sunday I caught myself taking pictures of her little sweet feet.

Really though, I don't care if people think I'm a picture crazed fool or not.  This is my sweet baby & if I wanna taken 100 pictures everyday of her, then I will.  I look at it this way... when she grows up she'll have plenty of memories to look back on.  I can't wait to get everything organized & be able to start her scrapbook.  I've started putting little things together in a picture box that I want to put in her book, that way when I am able to start working on it, everything will be in one spot.  I hate being dis-organized & it's truly driving me crazy that I have so many boxes to still unpack & go through.  Eventually it will get done.  My #1 priority in life is my family.  Everything else falls in to place somewhere after that.

I'm finding out that I've completely forgotten most of the nursery rhymes I used to know, so I need to brush up on these for Kayla's sake.  I'm in search of some good cd's that I can purchase to be able to learn these songs again & be able to sing them to Kayla.  The good thing is that Kayla doesn't realize that I sound like a sick dog on a broke fence when I sing... to her I sound just fine... at least at this stage of her life that is.  ha ha

Well it's getting late & my goal tonight is to lay my head on my pillow a little earlier than usual.

Heart Melting Smiles

When my Kayla smiles... she melts my heart every time.  Literally melts my heart like butter in a skillet.

It's amazing how that happens isn't it?  The thought of carrying a child in your body for 9 months & knowing that you will now be responsible for this little tiny human for the rest of your life... and then once they get here... you can't imagine your life without them.  I wouldn't want it any other way & some days I have no idea what I did before I had her.  She's my entire life & heart.

The other night I had a dream that I was pregnant again... yeah... UGH!  Even though I love my little love bug with my entire heart, I'm not even close to being ready for another one yet.  It will be awhile.  Like a few years.  I'm strongly considering doubling up on bc pills until then just to reassure this security.  No... I haven't lost my mind... at least not completely yet.  I will admit some days are questionable though.

Kayla's nurse comes tomorrow, so we'll see what she weighs again.  Last week I took her to the dr for her first set of shots.  Wow, what an experience that was.  I joked around leading up to that day about how I would cry for Kayla so she wouldn't have to... well... lets just say the first shot the nurse stuck her with, I've never heard her cry like that before & I completely lost it.  My heart broke in a million pieces seeing my precious baby cry like she was in serious pain & even started coughing & choking, we had to sit her up for a few minutes for her to catch her breathe.  Ugh... it was bad.  I felt sooo bad afterwards.  We scheduled her next appointment & I'm not looking forward to that at all.  I wasn't expecting to fall apart like I did the first time, but well... I did.  She weighed 12lbs 14oz last Thursday, so we'll see how much she gained in one week tomorrow.

I thought since it had been a few weeks since I blogged I would do a quick one tonight.  Now I must finish picking up the house so it's presentable for the nurse's arrival tomorrow.