Easter Bunny

Easter Day was great!  Kayla was so excited that the day was finally there... all she cared about was that the kids (2 nieces & nephew) were coming over and they were going to hunt Easter eggs.

We had everyone over to our house for lunch and the afternoon and I know the kids had a blast playing and hunting eggs.  Needless to say, by 3pm... I was exhausted though.

I picked Fred up from the airport the night before so it was a nice surprise for her to wake up and daddy was home.  I could tell that he was happy he made the decision to come home and be with us for Easter Day.

I was determined after everything... everyone was going to have a great Easter this year!  I do believe we were successful at that.

Our next appointment with Paula is this Thursday evening.  So I'm hoping we can really get on the road to recovery and start with one foot in front of us in a positive direction from here on.  There's a lot of work to be done in our marriage and in our family for sure.  I just hope that I can keep the faith and that he puts forth the extreme effort it will take to repair our marriage and our family.

One day at a time... one day at a time.  That's all you can do sometimes.

One foot in the right direction

Let me just say that our meeting with Paula on Wednesday didn't go quite like I had hoped it would.  I knew there was a chance things wouldn't go well... however I will admit I had high hopes.

We discussed the current issue at hand, which was the South Carolina trip that was planned over Easter weekend.  I had major issues with this.  Not the trip itself... just the timing of it and the fact he would be gone on Easter.  Ugh.

Here's a breakdown of my issues revolving around this:

• His family (Kayla and I) weren't considered or consulted in the decision, I was just "told" this is how it is and will be.
• He would be missing Easter when Kayla's been looking forward to daddy hiding Easter eggs for over a week now.
• Not standing up to his dad and telling him that he wanted to be with his family for the holiday and to reschedule the trip for another time.
• Trying to convince me that there was nothing that could be done to change the trip and that he was going no matter what because that's what his dad had arranged and we never go against what dad wants of course.

The ultimatum I gave him:

• Go on the trip and move out.
• Not go on the trip and spend Easter with his family.

It didn't take long after we started talking to Paula, that I realized it was time for me to hang my head in defeat.  It was the most emptiest feeling I think I've ever felt in my life.  No matter what Paula said or tried to talk to him about - he continued to argue in favor of the trip.  The problem is that this goes much much deeper than just this trip and this instance we're currently having the issues with.  It always revolves back around to the fact he never puts his family (Kayla and I) first for anything.  His parents always consume 90% of his time - weekdays and weekends included.  This is the heart of our problems... not putting effort into our marriage and our family except from time to time or when it's convenient.  When ever his dad barks orders, he runs... and that's every time.  I can't think of any instance in which he said "dad, I'm spending time with my family today so it will have to wait until tomorrow."  If he calls and tells him something needs to be done and he wants it done today or right this minute... well off he goes.  It's as simple as that.  This is how it's always been - us taking a back seat to everything else.  Well I'm tired and fed up with it and the South Carolina trip just completely put me over the edge.  I couldn't take any more of this back burner bull shit from him.  That's why I gave him the ultimatum... prove to us that you want our family and that we are what's most important to you.

Paula tried very hard to convince him he would be making a big mistake and would regret later on for the decision of leaving his family behind.  Unfortunately it didn't work.  He threw money down on the table next to her and walked out the door as he said "if you're going to throw our family away over a trip then f*ck you."

As he walked out the door... I could feel him pulling my heart on a chain behind him.  Dragging what pieces were left at that point.  I felt sick.  Totally sick.

Paula immediately started talking to me and trying to comfort me.  She said that she was sorry and that she knew he was making a mistake but that sometimes people who are solely on someone else's lead, cannot see things any other way until later on down the road.  She told me that she knew that he is torn between trying to do whatever his dad wants or says and being with his family too.  Unfortunately we always end up last.  Paula said I was a good woman and that there's not many women who would admit when they're wrong and apologize for it when it's brought to their attention - she said she admired that about me.  She said I am strong and to keep my head up because there's someone out there who would appreciate, admire and respect me as I deserve to be.

It's nice to hear positive things about yourself when you're at the bottom of the barrel.  However, it's hard to swallow when your completely empty inside.

She gave me a big hug as I was leaving and said that she was there if I needed her.

Back up for just a minute... over the past 2 1/2 years, we would meet at Braums up the street from Paula's house and ride together for our appointments, then I would drive him back to his truck afterwards.  This time was no different... we met at Braums and rode together to Paula's house for our appointment.

As I walked out of her house to my truck I quickly realized he wasn't anywhere in sight, so I knew he had probably started walking.  Of course he didn't take our usual route through the neighborhood, so I had to drive down a street or two before I finally saw him walking.  I drove up to him and stopped, rolled the window down and told him to get in.  No matter how badly I was hurt, I wouldn't have let him walk all the way back to his truck.

Long story short - we sat and talked in my truck at Braums for awhile with no resolution.  After we both left Braums in separate vehicles, I headed home to let the dog out real quick then go pick up Kayla from my parents house.  As he was leaving he said he would be home shortly.  I could only assume where he was going.

Now everything goes down hill...

After I was home and had let the dog out, I headed down the street to my parents house.  As soon as I walked in the door - my dad proceeded to tell me that Fred's mother had called him and had told him that I was going to divorce Fred if he went on this trip and wanted to know what was going on.  At that point my whole body went completely numb.  My first thought was, "SERIOUSLY?"  I mean, what the hell - why is my mother-in-law calling my parents talking about our marriage, wondering what they think?  It doesn't matter what anyone thinks except for the two of us.  It's our marriage, our family and our problems!!  We will either resolve them or we won't - no need to go dragging parents or anyone else for that matter into it.  That only makes things 100% worse.  I was only aware that marriage had two people in it and that's it - apparently I missed something somewhere along the way.

Anyone who knows my father, can only imagine how not-very-happy he was about the fact Fred's mother had called him and then decided to bash me... "she doesn't cook, clean or do his laundry like she should be."  According my father he fired back at her, "well he needs to help her around the house, he never mows the lawn, etc."  I guess his mother hung up the phone and that was the end of their conversation.  Ugh.  After my dad told me about their short phone conversation - I felt ever more sick to my stomach.  I couldn't believe that everything seemed to be going to hell so fast.  How could someone's life fall completely apart within a matter of a few hours not to mention having our parents yelling at each other - and we are grown married adults?  I was just clueless.  Needless to say my parents were wound up so I bailed out of there as quickly as I could and headed home with Kayla for the night.

What a day.  What a total and complete flipping mess.

I managed to hold myself together while in Kayla's presence, but I knew she knew something wasn't right.  As we were going through our usual nighttime routine, in a very quiet voice she asked me where daddy was.  Before I could answer, she said, "he's working isn't he?"  I said that he would be home after she went to bed and that maybe she would get to see him in the morning.

As I was waiting for Fred to come home.  I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind in order to make the decision to take the trip and leave his family in the dust.  I felt so defeated and beaten down.  Like what's so wrong with us?  We deserve far better than that.

I read a few things just the other day...

• "Sometimes the person you want most, is the person you're best without. Let go of what you feel and remember what you deserve."
  
• "When you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you.  No excuses, no lies, and no broken promises."

When I read both of those the other day I thought - wow... amazing how true those are.

Before we got married - I knew marriage wasn't an easy road however I couldn't have predicted the hurdles we've had to endure so far.  My climbing boots are in shreds by this point.

When Fred finally arrived home that night - we sat in silence for awhile.  I think both of us were trying to process the day and everything that had happened between us.

I finally broke the silence and we talked off and on until we went to bed.  As I was crawling into bed next to him I had so many emotions running through me... thinking this could be the last time we slept in the same bed together.  We continued to talk some while laying in bed.

Then from out of nowhere it was like a light bulb had came on in his head - he asked "If I can be here on Easter, will that make it ok?"  I reiterated to him that was the reason I was upset and mad in the first place because he wasn't going to be here for Easter with his family.

That's when he managed to come up with a plan.  He said that he could fly his brother out to South Carolina on Saturday to drive his dad home and he would fly home Saturday evening so he would be here for Easter with us.  I would be lying if I didn't say that I felt a little hopeful it would work - however in the back of mind I kept thinking to myself that I shouldn't even get hopeful until I see proof.  As he was on his Kindle looking up flights or whatever - I ended up passing out.  My body was done, I was completely exhausted.

The next morning, Kayla had a little bit of a hard time with him.  Just wanting her mommy - so I had to merge the two together like I sometimes have to do.  He left the house a little after 8 am to head out and I wasn't sure what to expect after that.  He called around 10 am to let me know that he had bought the plane tickets and everything was arranged so he could be here for Easter with us!  I was excited that he had even made the effort and had came up with a plan to somehow make everything work out.  They were already on the road and said he would call when they settled in for the night in Tennessee.

Even though daddy was going to get to be here for Easter now... I knew there was another issue I needed to address in order to full fill our Easter plans completely.  His mother.  I ended up not going into work because there was no way I could hide my swollen emotional face from the day before.  Apparently I had cried so much that my eye lids were completely swollen up... it was a mess to say the least.  I didn't feel like answering questions about what was wrong at work, so I decided it would be better if I called in.  After laying down with an ice pack across my eyes for what seemed like forever - I felt presentable.  I managed to drag myself out of the house and to a few stores to get some things then back home.

After doing some serious thinking - I decided I needed to call his mother and ask her over to talk about everything.  I felt this was the right thing and the only thing to do.  Unless she feels otherwise, we've always got along in the past so I felt like the two of us needed to talk.  I called her and she didn't answer, but she called me back and I invited her over to chat.  Without hesitation she said she would and she came right over.  Since Kayla was still at my parents house I felt it was best for us to talk before I went to pick up Kayla.

At first we just talked about this and that - then I broke the ice and told her why I wanted her to come over.  She stayed for a few hours and in my opinion, everything went really good.  She said that Fred had called her after our appointment with Paula and told her I wanted a divorce if he went on this trip.  We talked about the fact that Fred runs to her and tells her every time we get into an argument or fight and always places the blame on me.  Everything is always my fault. We discussed the "lying" that goes on between her, Fred and his siblings to his dad.  I told her that lying has been an issue between us because I catch him lying about the smallest and stupidest things sometimes and I can't figure out why.  Apparently lying is second nature to them because that's how they've always managed to keep his dad happy.  I addressed the fact that no parents should be involved in our marriage issues, it only makes everything worse and only causes our parents to dislike each other and especially me or him.  Hence the whole reason I never run and tell my parents when we have an argument, fight or disagreement - both my parents love and respect Fred a lot and that could easily go the other direction if I ran to them every time I was pissed off at him.  I told her that I could understand why she would dislike me from him making me out to be the bad guy all the time.  She agreed that him telling her everything needed to stop and that he needed to spend more time at home with us.  Funny enough, she said that his "coming home so late" because he had to work stories... aren't exactly that.  She said he could get home a lot earlier if he wanted to.  All in all, I think we had a good conversation and got a lot of things out in the open and discussed.  I was very glad I called her to come over and we went to my parents house to pick up Kayla together.  Everything was fine and nothing was discussed in front of Kayla.  My parents and her just talked briefly before we headed back out the door for home.  She had to get going, so she left right after we got back to the house.

So much in just a short amount of time huh!

When I decided to sit down to blog about it, my head started hurting just thinking about everything all over again. What a total mess.

The brightest part is that we will all be together for Easter - minus Fred's dad and brother of course, who I wish could be here too.

I feel like in a way, we are starting over again from the beginning.  We have a long road ahead of us, but I'm going to try to focus on the positives and hope that someday we will be in a good place together.

Another crazy day

Monday was such a whirlwind for me.  Lots of emotions, lots of thoughts going through my head... and then to top it all off... there was a fraudulant transaction that attempted to hit my bank card!!  Yeah... unbelievable huh.  When I first got the phone call, I felt sick to my stomach.  Needless to say, I had to make a trip to the bank to get everything straightened out, however I am temporarily without a card until I receive a new one.  Ugh.

I pay all my bills online so this totally sucks.

When it rains, it pours!

Monday night when I finally laid my head down on my pillow... I prayed.  I will admit that I probably do not do that as much as I should, but sometimes when you get to that spot where you are not sure where else to go... you have to turn somewhere.  I prayed for so many things too.  I prayed for the strength to make the right decisions for my family, I prayed for my husband to be the strong man that I know he really is deep down, I prayed for my beautiful sweet daughter and her understanding heart through the tough times we are experiencing right now, for my friends and family as well.

My little sugar plum is so young, so she does not quite understand whats going on... I just want to make sure I keep a positive attitude from day to day so that she stays happy too.  The last thing I ever want to do is hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way.

I would have to say the most precious thing to me is my daughter.  I look forward to every morning when I go crawl in her bed with her to snuggle and wake her up... or when she comes and crawls into my bed to snuggle with me early in the morning.  That is totally priceless in my opinion! Simply amazing!

Well hopefully as the week continues... it will get better for us.

A cry for help

It's almost been two years now since we first started counseling with Paula.  Hard to believe its already been that long.  I'm thankful for counseling in many ways and I can honestly say that I've learned a lot about myself through this process.  It's been a tough road and we still have a really long ways to go yet.

When we started counseling, I thought things could only go up from that point.  I didn't even think about it being such a roll-a-coaster ride, which is exactly what its been.

If someone were to ask me how I felt about the overall results from counseling, I wouldn't know what to say.  We still have a lot of the same issues we had when we started, and after all this time I'm starting to lose hope that those things will ever change for the future.  I tried so hard to be a positive person and work on things, however the continued neglect on the other side, well that's only made my heart harden a little more each day.

Our communication is for the most part one-sided.  I guess he feels that its not necessary I know whats going on or that its not a big deal.  He could go out of town and I wouldn't have a clue until later when he decides to tell me or if I ask him what he did or how his day went.  Every time I ask him why he doesn't call to let me know whats going on, his answer is always the same... "I didn't think it was a big deal" OR "I didn't think about it."

A simple phone call or a simple conversation can go a long ways - it's getting him to understand that communication is a HUGE part of a marriage or relationship.  When you don't have good communication... then what?

I would have to say the two biggest issues we have is communication and the fact that he's more committed to his parents then he is to his family (Kayla and I).  We could have plans already set, however, if one of his parents call, then our plans immediately go by the way side - no questions asked.  Of course he doesn't see it this way.  The constant response I get is, "It's my job" or "I can't help it, it's just the way it is and has to be."  Which is total bullshit in my opinion!  The truth of it is that he's too afraid to stand up to his father and tell him that he already has plans with his family.  He would much rather hurt or upset me and Kayla then to stand up to his father OR tell him no.

I beg for attention from him on a constant basis... for Kayla's sake as well as mine.  He doesn't seem to see or understand the big picture of what's happening to our family.  It's completely falling apart at the seems.

Just this morning, after taking Kayla to the bathroom - as we were leaving the bathroom I said "let daddy come put your diaper on because mommy needs to jump in the shower"... her immediate response was, "daddy is to busy for me."  If she were saying that about me, I would be heart-broken at the fact she would even think for a minute I was to busy for her.  Yet, even when I tell him what she's said - I don't see much of a reaction from him.  I don't always tell him everything she says when he's not here, but there are times when I will admit I shed a tear with the things she says.  At three years old - she knows and seems to understand so much.  She's told my aunt on more than one occasion that "daddy doesn't live here."  Which absolutely kills me to think she would say something like that.  I only witnessed her say that once and other time I was told about it.

Around Valentine's Day, he had a small fall out with his father and for a whole week I actually felt like I had my husband.  It was amazing - he was home early in the evenings, we talked constantly and I tried to be there to comfort him through everything he was going through.  I actually saw a different person come out in him.  I really can't explain how amazing it was to see him stand up to his father and I could see that it was a huge relief for him to have done that.  I was so proud of him in so many ways that week.  The man I know he is and the man I married was with us that entire week and I loved every minute of it.  Unfortunately shortly there after - things went right back to the way they were before though.  I've felt crushed ever since.  For a short week I really thought maybe the light had finally came on with him.  I was wrong.

I know the kind of person I am better than anyone else does.  I know where my limits and boundaries are and when to say "enough is enough".  That's the spot I'm in today.

I remember Paula mentioning at a session some time back, that over a period of time, continuous negative things can cause the heart to harden towards someone.  Unfortunately that's been slowly happening to me.

When we took our vows, the preacher read from the bible:
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

I never realized just how deeply those words would affect me at the time the preacher said them.

A line has to be drawn between work and family - period.
For the longest time I tried to make excuses to myself and say "he's just a guy."
That's such bullshit though - he's a guy YES however I know many men that have quit their jobs, moved, and done numerous things for the sake of their families.  Yet I'm married to someone whose last priority is just that - his wife and child.

All I know is that we have an appointment with Paula on Wednesday - 2 days from now.

God help me, if something doesn't change soon.

How do you really know when it's time to call it quits and move on?
How do you really know when you've given everything you can possibly give and it's time for a dramatic change?

All I know for sure at this point is this... I'M TOTALLY DRAINED!
I find myself depressed thinking about everything.  I want to run outside and scream to the top of my lungs in hopes someone would hear my cry out to save our marriage before it's to late.

I can't imagine not wanting to change anything and everything to be with our sweet little sugar plum... she's the total highlight of my life.  Every breathe I take, every minute I'm awake or asleep - it's all about her.

Say a prayer tonight for my sanity, my marriage and my little sugar plum.

A Heavy Heart

My heart is crying tonight... my cousin Amy ended her life today.  I'm totally heart broken at the thought her life is now over.  I will never get to speak to her again or reminisce on all the years we ran around together back n the day and all the fun times we had together.  We were close once.  The pain our family feels right now is unspeakable.  It took a little while to sink and I'm still in some what disbelief.  This has to be some sort of nightmare that I'm in and surely I will wake up tomorrow and none of this would have happened.  I feel so badly for her sweet kids, grand kids, parents, brother, sister, nieces, nephews and everyone else that loves her so much.  Everyone loved her... she just had an awesome personality that drew people to her.  She had her struggles in life, there's no doubt about that, however she was always a person you just wanted to be around.  She was just so much fun!  Some of my best memories are hanging out with her.

My dear Amy... I love you so much, I regret that we haven't been as close the past few years.  I can't grasp why you made the decision that you have... however I will forever love you, miss you and always remember the great memories we made together!

Another day another diet

Well the past week has been interesting to put it lightly.  Some of which I can't discuss however I will just say that it's been trying in every way possible.

The crazy weather we've been having is totally nutts.  A little over a week ago I was in a short sleeved shirt pulling Kayla around the yard in her wagon having a grand ole' time outside... then the next day... freezing temps followed by snow & the temp in the teens.  I guess that's what we get here in good ole' Oklahoma huh!  Gotta love it.

So I started on yet another diet plan today!

I've read about it all over the internet and so far I hadn't read anything negative so I thought to myself the other day... "WHY NOT?"

It's called - Pure Cambogia.  Tons of celebs have lost lots of weight on it, so surely it should work for me too right?  I guess we'll see and I will keep everyone updated on the results as I go.  I ordered the free 4 week trial online, you just have to pay shipping... and no there's no other tricks that I've found.  You really just pay the shipping and nothing more - no future commitments or anything.  I was sold with that right off.  I figured heck if I try it and in 4 weeks I don't see the results I want then I won't mess with ordering more.

With this plan there's two bottles:

1.  Pure Cambogia Ultra

2.  Bowtrol Detox

I ordered both for under $10.00 in shipping and they arrived within 3 days.  Pretty awesome!

Even though I've already lost 33 lbs with another weight loss plan... I'm still to embarrassed to post my current weight for who knows who to see on here.  Through this 4 week process, I promise to be honest and post exactly how much I lose or (heaven forbid) gain.

My goal is not just losing the weight, but to feel better about myself and gain some of my self esteem back that I've lost through the past few years.  I've blown up over the past 4 years and I've been totally unhappy with not only the way I look but the way I feel on a daily basis.  I want to look in the mirror and be proud of the woman looking back at me.

I don't want my old body back.... I'm ready for my new body!

I want to get my sexy back!

Wish me luck, cross your fingers and toes... and please pray for me the next few weeks.

I'm going to need all the support I can get at this point!

Looking back on 2013 and today

Looking back on the year 2013 and today...

We've had a rough year to put it lightly.  Ups, downs... both good and bad times together.  I know that marriage isn't easy, however marriage is more challenging when the most effort is only one sided.  I took my vows seriously and refuse to give up easily... even though I will admit that it's crossed my mind more often in the past year than ever before.

If I had to sum up how our relationship is today - I would say we just live under the same roof at this point.  I know it's sad to say, however that's the cold honest truth.

We haven't been back to see Paula again together since 2012.  I went by myself a few times last year... in fact a little over a month ago I called her again for another appointment.  Paula has been a huge help for me personally in so many different ways.  It's no front page news that I've been unhappy for awhile now with the way things are in our marriage and Paula has really helped me cope with my feelings and understand that I'm not unjust in the way I feel.

One of the biggest issues I struggle with is his lack of priority for our family.  Kayla and I always come last if at all on his list.  The majority of his time is spent elsewhere catering to someone else's wants and needs.  I simply can't depend or count on him to be home when he says he will.  He basically sleeps here and is not an active participant in our household, relationship and especially his relationship with his daughter.  It breaks my heart to see the scar he's causing not only with me but mostly with Kayla.  I'm the one who always has to come up with the answer for why daddy isn't home or is never here with us.  The older she gets, she asks more questions and comes up with her own conclusions for where daddy's at.

Yesterday he went to help a friend and their children at an FFA show out of town... came home at 11pm, then fell asleep on the couch while we were watching tv.  Before we went to bed the brief conversation we had was that I needed to work from home today to catch up on things I was unable to get done this week while at work and he informed me that he needed to help his friend and kids again this morning with the show.  He needed to be there by 7am!  Basically he saw Kayla briefly yesterday morning and hasn't seen her since.  As he was leaving this morning, I awoke and followed him to the front door.  I said to him... "so I guess I need to call my parents to help watch Kayla today while i work since you're leaving again?"  His response was that he would be home by 1pm and he made an attempt to hug me before he left and the only thing I could say was, "just go."  With tears streaming down my face as he left, all I could think was the rough week I've had, the few nights I hadn't slept and was worn completely out... all I ask is for an extra hour of sleep on Saturday mornings and it's very rare that I have to work from home on the weekends and for him to make me a priority in his life for once instead of someone else.

The words Paula told me at our last meeting ring loud in my head today... "he's never going to change."  She simply told me that she was worried about the well-being for Kayla and I and said that she worries I'm holding on to someone who doesn't love his family enough to make the necessary changes in his life in order to hold this family together.  She reminded me of the times we've visited her together and we discussed the visits Fred and her had as well.  She said that she honestly believes he loves us... just not to the magnitude he needs to put us first in his life.  Then she told me, "you're not lost... you know where you're going or want to go in life... he's the one whose lost and needs to find himself."  Her last words that day were that she felt as if the marriage was already diminished and I was still holding out hope for something that was already lost.  Deep in my heart, I know she's right.

I've talked until I'm blue in the face to him about things and nothing seems to sink in.  I know that Kayla and I deserve to be someone's priority and I wish we were his.

After he walked out the door this morning, I kept thinking... why me?
Why does he have to be such an asshole to us?
Why is it 5pm and I still haven't heard from him?  Didn't he say he would be home at 1pm... once again ANOTHER LET DOWN!  Proving that we have no number on his list, hell... we aren't even on it.

I have a lot on my mind these days.  A lot of hurt inside for myself as well as Kayla.

This morning when Kayla crawled in bed with me shortly after he had left... she says "daddy isn't here and didn't come home?"  So I had to explain that he was home but had to leave again early.  Then my aunt stopped by for a few minutes earlier and she simply asked me if Fred was working and before I could say anything Kayla said to her, "daddy doesn't live here anymore!"  I had to remind myself to breathe because tears were about to fill my eyes.  My aunt just looked at me and asked if everything was ok and I said yes it's just been one of those days.  She could sense I didn't want to talk about it and didn't say anymore about it.  I told Kayla she was silly and said daddy still lives here why would you say that... she just said "ok haven't seen him."

Well I guess that's enough for today.  I have to make an attempt to get some work done while Kayla is awake... which is challenging!!!!

It's 2014 and I'm Back!

I am way past over due for blogging these days... in fact I had to end up resetting my password because it had been so long that I couldn't remember my old one, lol.  A year is a long time - I'm really going to make an effort to do better though.  I actually love blogging and I just need to make time to do it more often!

Weight Loss News:
I will start off with the good news... I lost 33 lbs in 2013 - woohoo for me!
It hasn't been an easy road and I still have a ways to go yet, however I'm proud of myself for the 33 lbs that I've lost so far.  It's a good start at least!!

Kayla update:
I'm struggling with the fact another year has come and gone.  My sweet baby turned 3 years old last month and she's growing up way to fast not to mention she's more adorable each and every day that passes.  I still can't get enough of her and I value each and every moment we can spend together.  She started Goat Undecorating at the Jr. Rodeo this year and she absolutely loved every minute of it.  It was just so cute to watch her.  After so many years of putting my heart into it for everyone else's children... I finally get to see the excitement on my own child's face when she participates, it's just an amazing feeling to have.  Everyone has their opinion's about the fact that it's a lot of time, work and stress - basically like having a second job sometimes to do what I do as a volunteer... however my payout doesn't come in cash form... it comes from the warmth of the children and parents who are appreciative when they know the time that's involved and how I pour my heart into the work I do there.  Truth be told there are some that like to challenge my sanity from time to time, however I try to take a few steps back and remind myself again why I'm really there and that I cannot change the negativity that some choose to carry and attempt to pass forward onto others around them.  I think in every organization no matter if it's rodeo, basketball, baseball, etc. - there are always going to be those people out there... and you can't always make everyone happy no matter how hard you try.  I've always been proud of our organization and look forward to many more years to come!

Bathroom Remodel:
Let me offer a little sound advice... if you only have one bathroom in your home... please consider adding on a second bathroom before deciding to put the only one you have almost completely out of commission for 2-3 weeks.  This my friends is a challenge I do not wish to do over again, LOL.  We ended up completely gutting it down to the studs... and so down the street I went to my parents house to take showers every evening, plus give my little honey bear a bath as well.  I have to say the good thing was that the toilet in our house was reset everyday so we weren't completely out of commission and we could use that when we needed to... just no showers or running water for the sink.  In a nutshell, we basically used the kitchen to brush teeth, wash hands, etc. until everything was back in order again.  For those that know me... I don't do well with everything out of sorts, so my sanity was pushed to the edge for this project.  I have to say I'm beyond thrilled with the final product and every time I walk in my bathroom now, I still can't believe it's our house, LOL.

One of my goals for 2014 is to blog more.  I really do enjoy it and it also helps me release thoughts I have even though some might question my stability at times, LOL.

~Until we meet again~