where's the light?

Do you ever think everything's going your way... and then surprise... you hit the bottom again?

Like maybe, just maybe... you can see the sun light finally shining down on you.

Then all of a sudden the sky turns black with no warning.

You start to wonder if anything will start looking in your favor.  Ever.

I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I'm starting to wonder if he has me mixed up with someone else.

I've tried to keep the faith.  I've cried.  I've crossed fingers & toes.  I've prayed.  I've lost sleep.  And now... I'm absolutely & completely worn smooth out.  The past few days have been rough, extremely rough on my mind & body.  I'm stressed to the max & it's making my stomach turn upside down.

Pregnancy hormones are a lot harder to handle then I had imagined.
If there's a stress test out there, I'm 100% sure that I'm off the charts right now.

I know I know... stressing out is not good for me or the baby, yada yada yada.

I've also been informed that someone is getting tired of hearing how stressed out I am also.
Sounds crazy... but that only just stressed me out more hearing that.  This is what it sounded like to me, "I know your stressed out, I don't care & I'm tired of hearing about it, so shut up".

1 or 2 absolutely amazing things can happen to me & then immediately afterwards, 3 or 4 bad things will follow.  It never ceases to amaze me how this works or why it works that way.

Maybe I need a break.  A road trip.  Just to get away for awhile, even just for a day.

All I want is for everything to work out & fall in to place.  It usually takes hard work & determination to make things work out & fall in to place though... that's typically what I'm made of too, but right now I just don't have it in me & I need someone else to step up to the plate & take charge for once.  I need to be the one with my feet up, relaxing & not stressing out.  I want to be the one whose being taken care of & not the one taking care of everyone else.

After two days in a row I've learned the hard way... don't try to eat lunch when your stomach is in knots.  Lunch doesn't like to stay down.  I guess I will be hitting the v8 bottle when I get home from work, as I'm crawling in to bed to hide under the covers for the evening.

If anyone finds my sanity, please let me know where it ran off to.  I'd like to have it back now.