still hanging in there

Whew it's been a little while since I've blogged.  Things have been busy & crazy to say the least.  I didn't get lost I promise... I've been around just haven't had time to sit & write for awhile.

Baby Kayla is scheduled to arrive any day now.  We're just patiently awaiting her to decide to make her appearance into this world.  The Dr told me yesterday that if I haven't delivered her by Monday when I'm scheduled for my next appointment... then we will be scheduling to induce next week for sure.  So one way or another she will be here in less than two weeks.

Apparently she's a little stubborn, who knows.  I'm going to assume she gets that from her daddy, not me.  (evil laugh)

Physically today has probably been the most difficult so far.  I went to bed uncomfortable & woke up the exact same way & throughout the day it's continued to get worse & hasn't let up what-so-ever.  I'm starting to think everyone keeps jinxing me by saying "oh she's coming tonight for sure".  People have been saying that for over a week now & so far... no baby Kayla.

I know each day gets a little more challenging & today... yikes... walking was just plain uncomfortable.  All I wanted to do was crawl in to bed & not walk.  I thought about staying home from work but well the painful truth is that the bills don't suddenly go on hold to accommodate these types of situations.  Wish they did though.  It would be nice to have the option of taking a break or being able to relax & maybe not force myself to work through it.  Today for sure I could've used that break.

If all goes as I plan... I will only get to spend approximately two weeks completely off work with baby Kayla then I will have to start back to work again in order to not fall to far behind on bills.  Again I wish I had the option of spending a little more time but that's only a dream right now.  The good thing is that I will be able to work from home for awhile so that will be nice.

Instead of blogging, I guess I should be packing my to-go bag for the hospital, since I probably should've already had that done at this point.  These days it seems like I always put everything off until the last minute.  One day that will catch up with me & bite me in the butt I'm sure.

Don't worry I will be blogging more at a later time for sure.

Makin' Plans

I love Miranda Lambert & I really like this song... so I thought I would share.  It's one of my favorite ones off her album Revolution.

Makin' Plans

If I ever left this town
I’d never settle down
I’d just be wandering around
If I ever left this town

If I wasn’t by your side
I’d never be satisfied
Nothin’ would feel just right
If I wasn’t by your side

‘Cause I’m not easy to understand
But you know me like the back of your hand
I’m your girl and you’re my man
And we’re makin’ plans

We can go on and on
Won’t ever feel too long
I’ll always call you home
And we’ll go on and on

‘Cause I know you like the back of my hand
Got a heart of gold and a piece of land
I’m your girl and you’re my man
And we’re makin’ plans

The weekend is here

Well it's Friday again, woo hoo!

This has been quite a crazy week to put it lightly, but I'm sure glad that it's Friday... the weekend is here & I look forward to spending some quality time with my hubby.

With so many things going on all at the same time right now it's hard to keep up.  Typically I'm a serious multi-tasker, but now days I'm finding it a little harder to do.  It's a wonder I can remember my name sometimes, it's just the craziest thing.

From everything I've read, apparently forgetfulness is part of pregnancy... but why?  Why does pregnancy make you lose your mind?  That's just not cool & definitely not a good side-affect of carrying a child for 9 months.  Not only do I have to deal with the weight gain, I have to worry about losing my mind too... PERFECT!

My appetite has changed a lot in the past few weeks.  Baby Kayla is hungry more often, except I can't eat very much at one time.  After eating a small amount I feel absolutely miserable, well at least for another hour then all of a sudden my stomach starts growling again.  What's up with that?  Needless to say I have two boxes of crackers in my desk at work so that I don't have to deal with the hunger pains Kayla causes throughout the day.

The elevator was broken at work this morning when I arrived so I had to take the two flights of stairs & wow... slowly but surely I made it & once I reached the top I wanted to pass out.  Am I out of shape or what, geez.  This is just sad.  I should exercise more or something.  I waited until I caught my breathe before I opened the door to walk to my office.  I was so glad to sit down once I reached my desk chair though.

For the most part, I guess I feel pretty good.  Once we get settled & moved, I think I will finally get anxious for baby Kayla to arrive.  Until then I'm hoping she hangs in there with me & doesn't decide to show up earlier.  All we want is for Kayla to arrive healthy!  We already know she's going to be absolutely beautiful, especially if she has her daddy's eye lashes.  Oh gosh... he has the most gorgeous eye lashes I swear.  I'm in trouble, that's all I gotta say.

It's 8pm do you know where your man is?  As a matter of fact... he's on his way home haulding a loaded trailer behind him.  I can only guess, but I bet he's dirty from working all day & yet still looking good as always.  It's amazing how when you love someone so much, they can be dripping with sweat & mud & you still think... damn he's hot.  Call me crazy I guess, but it's the truth.

Now I will depart to await my sexy hubby's arrival.

earth shake

And here's the headline... Earthquake rating upgraded to magnitude 5.1

Seriously...this is Oklahoma right?  I'm so confused!  We're not supposed to have earth quakes here.  In Oklahoma we have tornados.  Weird.

Funniest part, I had just sat down at my desk at work when the "earth quake" hit.  Shook the entire building.  I reside on the second floor.  I literally thought I was having a nervous breakdown, losing my mind or something.  My relief came when everyone around me starting talking about how it was really an earth quake that had just happened.  Whew... I'M NOT CRAZY!  Although it left me confused, how does this happen & why are we having earth quakes?  Oh well... anyways... here's the scoop on NewsOk.com

An earthquake that struck central Oklahoma today was the second-strongest in the state's history, the Oklahoma Geological Survey reported. No significant damage or serious injuries have been reported with the quake, which was felt in three states.

So there ya have it.  That's the big scoop of the day.  An earth quake in Oklahoma!

kick boxer?

Here we are approaching 32 weeks now.  Wow.

So what's going on with baby Kayla these days?
According to "WhatToExpect.com"...
Currently should be tipping the scales at almost four pounds and could be topping out at just about 19 inches.

In my opinion, I think Kayla weighs at least 50 lbs now & she's currently practicing her kick boxing techniques.

As the weeks pass by, Kayla gets a little stronger.  It's a very different feeling to be lying in bed looking at my belly & watching her movements at this point.  Sometimes painful but still a really cool feeling to know that there's actually a human being in there that we've created.

When I think about the fact that last Christmas I had no plans, wasn't expecting or trying for children yet... and now this Christmas we'll have baby Kayla in our Christmas pictures & in our arms, that's just unbelievable.  It's wild how quickly life can change & how it seems to be that some things just happen for a reason without us understanding or knowing exactly why.

Yesterday I had a really bad day & unfortunately it continued thru the evening & into early morning as well.  For the most part I've been in good spirits thru the pregnancy, but of course I've had days of stress, depression & a roll-a-coaster of emotions.  Those few days that I experience those things, I tend to question myself in every way possible.

I've always wanted to be a mom & have children... but will I be a good mom?  Am I bad person for wanting to work a full time job & raise a child as well?  What if baby Kayla gets here & I have a hard time leaving her to go back to work?

A million questions that I'm sure go thru every pregnant woman's mind.  I guess when your going thru it you feel all alone for some reason.  Even though you know that close friends & family have been in your exact shoes before.

With the horrible day I had yesterday, followed a really rough day physically for me today.  This morning I questioned whether I could pull myself together enough to drive myself to work & make it thru the day without wanting to crawl in a hole.  Which I will admit was tempting several times.  Not sure why, but I was so dizzy this morning I just wanted to crawl back into bed & hope that it would go away.  It was almost 10am before I didn't feel as dizzy anymore, but when I got on the elevator to head downstairs for lunch break, the dizziness returned for a brief period.  Once I met my hubby for lunch & returned back to work I started to feel some better as the day progressed.

I realized today that my body is just not capable of being stressed out or upset like I was yesterday thru last night.  I had to drag myself thru the day with swollen eyes, a massive headache & hoping the knots in my stomach would eventually vanish completely.  It was just flat out rough in every sense & I know it's not healthy for me or baby Kayla.

I guess it really comes down to others around me realizing that right now is the time to make an extra effort to be kind & caring & to take care of me just like they know I would take care of them in return.  The last thing I ever want to do is cause anyone else around me severe stress or anxiety, so I hope that those closest to me feel the same way about me as well.  Physically I know that I can't experience another day like yesterday or last night.  It's just to much.  So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have to go thru that again.

On a much brighter note...
I'm looking forward to spending some much needed quality time with my hubby this evening.  Since his return from South Dakota we haven't gotten to do that & the only way to have time... is to make time, right?  I think sometimes we all let everyday life slip away to fast without taking a moment to stop & enjoy each other.

So that's my plan for this evening & I hope it works out.

support & understanding

Can anyone tell me that when you need comfort, support & understanding... it's no where to be found from the one person you need it to be from?  Am I losing my mind?  Ok... yeah maybe I am or hell maybe I've already lost it.

I've just had one of those days today.  One of those days where nothing seems to be going right what-so-ever & just continues to bottom out on me.  As a result, I've been extremely emotional.  One minute pissed off, next minute crying my eyes out & then feeling sorry for myself & wondering why me?

Where's the love at?  Where's the warm blanket that is supposed to wrap itself around me for comfort & make me feel better?  I can't seem to find it.

I feel like I'm typically a comforting person & try to be there thru thick & thin, but where is that in return for me?

My stomach has been in knots all damn day.  Twisting & turning sideways.  It just seems like if it can go wrong, it has today & it's completely out of my control, which makes it even worse.

The one good thing today... I received a buckle at the awards banquet & it's very pretty!  Unfortunately my current body shape will not allow me to wear it but hopefully a few months after Kayla arrives I will be able to.  Someone thought enough of me to order me a buckle this year & that means a lot to me.  I will write more & post pics later about it.

But for now... I'm venting & crying, so let's get back to that.

FYI, it's really hard to type when you can't see thru watery teary eyes.

Maybe I will get lucky & my knight in a shiny white dodge will arrive at some point & be here to snuggle & comfort me thru the rest of my evening before I decide to cry myself to sleep.  What are the odds that will happen... hell I'm not even sure.

Repeat after me... tomorrow is a new day & it will be much better... tomorrow is a new day & it will be much better.  Now if I could only believe that.  Ugh.

Time to blow my nose.

South Dakota jealousy

I'll admit it, I'm jealous.

I'm jealous that I don't get to go on road trips with my hubby.  First it was Montana a month ago & now South Dakota.

I wanna go on road trips.  I wanna get away & take a break.  When do I get to go?  Just the two of us.  A road trip... somewhere... anywhere.

We did go to Branson for our honeymoon & I enjoyed every minute of it, but I'm still jealous.  I wanna be the one going with him.

Maybe next time I will get invited to go.

I guess all I can do is keep my fingers crossed that I'll be included next time.