support & understanding

Can anyone tell me that when you need comfort, support & understanding... it's no where to be found from the one person you need it to be from?  Am I losing my mind?  Ok... yeah maybe I am or hell maybe I've already lost it.

I've just had one of those days today.  One of those days where nothing seems to be going right what-so-ever & just continues to bottom out on me.  As a result, I've been extremely emotional.  One minute pissed off, next minute crying my eyes out & then feeling sorry for myself & wondering why me?

Where's the love at?  Where's the warm blanket that is supposed to wrap itself around me for comfort & make me feel better?  I can't seem to find it.

I feel like I'm typically a comforting person & try to be there thru thick & thin, but where is that in return for me?

My stomach has been in knots all damn day.  Twisting & turning sideways.  It just seems like if it can go wrong, it has today & it's completely out of my control, which makes it even worse.

The one good thing today... I received a buckle at the awards banquet & it's very pretty!  Unfortunately my current body shape will not allow me to wear it but hopefully a few months after Kayla arrives I will be able to.  Someone thought enough of me to order me a buckle this year & that means a lot to me.  I will write more & post pics later about it.

But for now... I'm venting & crying, so let's get back to that.

FYI, it's really hard to type when you can't see thru watery teary eyes.

Maybe I will get lucky & my knight in a shiny white dodge will arrive at some point & be here to snuggle & comfort me thru the rest of my evening before I decide to cry myself to sleep.  What are the odds that will happen... hell I'm not even sure.

Repeat after me... tomorrow is a new day & it will be much better... tomorrow is a new day & it will be much better.  Now if I could only believe that.  Ugh.

Time to blow my nose.

South Dakota jealousy

I'll admit it, I'm jealous.

I'm jealous that I don't get to go on road trips with my hubby.  First it was Montana a month ago & now South Dakota.

I wanna go on road trips.  I wanna get away & take a break.  When do I get to go?  Just the two of us.  A road trip... somewhere... anywhere.

We did go to Branson for our honeymoon & I enjoyed every minute of it, but I'm still jealous.  I wanna be the one going with him.

Maybe next time I will get invited to go.

I guess all I can do is keep my fingers crossed that I'll be included next time.

Glucose Drink

This has to be the worst part of the pregnancy tests you have to go through by far.

Several weeks ago I went through the first test & I found out last Monday that I failed my glucose test so I had to eat a special diet for 3 days & return Friday for additional glucose testing.  The first time around I had to drink a small bottle of this wonderful orange stuff & I was able to choke it down & get through the test fairly decent.  This time around I wasn't properly informed of what I would have to go through before I arrived.

The nurse told me to return first thing Friday morning for another blood test, but failed to mention that I was suppose to go directly to the lab which was across the street.  When I arrived at the lab, the sign on the door stated their hours were from 7:30am-1:00pm... I could have already been here, ugh oh well I guess.

I hadn't eaten anything since 6pm the day before so by the time 9am rolled around baby Kayla was ready for me to eat some breakfast or something.  As I sat down in the chair preparing to be stuck I made the comment that I was starving & the lab tech looked at me & said "well this is going to be a long day then".  So of course I'm thinking... what's that suppose to mean, so I asked what she was talking about & she informed me that this test was a 3 hour test & I wouldn't be able to leave the waiting room for that period of time.  I'm sure the look on my face was priceless but I was in total shock!  What... 3 hours... stuck here?  Then she followed up with the fact they would need to take my blood 4 times in that time frame.  Yikes.  Seriously?  Just shoot me.  I asked for a moment before I committed myself to this shocking disaster & called my new boss to ask if he wanted me to re-schedule or go ahead with the testing.  He said I should go ahead with it since I was already there & was very understanding, so as I hung up the phone I was thinking... great... I hate being stuck but I guess I don't have much of a choice.

I returned to my seat & informed the lab tech I was ready to get this over with.  She apologized & said that the nurse at the doctor's office should have told me before hand so I would be prepared.  She stuck my right arm first & was successful at draining a tube of blood.  Then my nightmare began!  She told me to sit tight & she would get me something to drink... I was excited for a moment thinking oh yeah a glass of cold ice water, or maybe some juice.  NOPE... I wanted to hit the floor when she sat that large awful bottle of orange stuff in front of me.  A much larger bottle than the one I had to drink before for the other test.  Yikes!  As I was trying to choke it down I didn't remember it being so thick or quick as yuck before either.  When I finished, they started my time since I had to get my blood taken exactly one hour after that for 3 more hours.  I was probably in the waiting room for a few minutes before I realized the orange yuck wasn't going to settle with me.  Baby Kayla kicked it back out immediately.  Then after exiting the bathroom thinking I was for sure dying... the lab tech told me I had to drink ANOTHER bottle & then they would re-start my time again.  You've gotta be kidding me!  Ugh.  I think my stomach felt sick again just hearing her say that I had a force myself to swallow another horrible bottle of that stuff.

I did it though & returned to the waiting room once again... this time praying baby Kayla would just deal with it & not make me run to the bathroom again.  Luckily there was another girl in the waiting room going through the same test as I was so we became 3 hour friends.  We chatted & talked the entire time about a bunch of nothing & it made the time pass by much easier for sure.

I have to say it was still the longest 3 hours ever though!  The other girl was about 30 minutes ahead of me so she was able to leave before I did.

Baby Kayla was not exactly pleased with this experience & she let me know about it too.  She kicked the entire time as I sat in the waiting room chatting with my new 3 hour friend whose name I shockingly never got.

Let's just say I'm very glad this experience is over with & now I await the results, hoping that the tests went ok & I don't have to go through anything else.  Worst case scenario they will say I have gestational diabetes & then I will have to stick my finger several times a day to check my blood sugar & what ever else I will have to do along with that.  So everyone better keep your fingers crossed for me.  I really don't need anything else to go sideways at this point, geez.

Now we barely have two more months to go before Kayla's approximate arrival time is here.  Wow.  Still so much to do between now & then.  I'll be surprised if I haven't pulled all my hair out from the stress by that point.

Oompa Loompa

I used to have this picture in my head of how I would look when I became pregnant someday & well I have to say my body is turning in to not exactly what I had pictured.  Maybe every woman goes thru this phase but wow, every pregnant woman I see I can't help but think how cute they are & how extremely huge I am.  When I look in the mirror it's like looking at a Oompa Loompa or a short giant elephant.  I wasn't in exactly great shape before I found out I was pregnant so this extra added weight is taking a serious toll on my body.  I'm currently at 30 weeks... yeah... 30 weeks... whew that doesn't even seem right does it?  Kayla is going to be here before we know it.

Everyone keeps telling me to not stress, relax & rest a lot... well that's easier said than done.  I have to depend on everyone around me to do things that I would typically do myself & get done & that's annoying to me.  I hate having to ask for so much help.  Ugh.

I never even knew what heart burn was until now.  Seems like every day I have it & according to my nurse it will only get worse the closer time closes in on baby Kayla's arrival.  That's just what I wanted to hear, great.

I think the stress factor will end once we get moved into our new home & get settled in.  Right now everything's just crazy.  Between wrapping up rodeo season with the banquet less than a week away, trying to get everything at the house done so we can move, starting a new job (again), quitting the other job (again), cattle auction a little over a month away & well... I will have to pack & move at some point I'm hoping in the very near future... equals stress... stress... & more stress.  What does relax mean?  Hell if I know at this point.

The good thing is that I landed another good job & so far I love it.  Today was my first day at just the new job & not having to travel half a day at one job & a half day at the new job.  I'm so tired though, worn smooth out.  By 2pm every day it's almost like my body wants to shut down & sleep or take a power nap.

Well I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that we'll have everything done at the house & be moving in another week.  Everyone else needs to say a prayer & cross your fingers too, because at the rate we're going I'm starting to think we're never going to get moved in.

It's 11pm & I guess I should be hitting the bed for some much needed beauty rest.  God knows I need it.

Long week

Where does the time go anyways?  Tomorrow is Wednesday already... half way thru the week & I'm wondering where Monday & Tuesday went.  Geez.

Yesterday I went in for my glucose test (blood work).  After drinking the yucky orange drink an hour before showing up at the dr office, they do blood work & that's always fun.  On top of getting two tubes of blood sucked from my left arm, they decided to go ahead & do my other blood work again since my paperwork was never faxed over from the other clinic on my initial blood work.  Which equals 5 more tubes of blood being sucked from my right arm.  Nice huh!  Then I received my RhoGAM shot in my "cheek" to top off the dr visit.  Whew, talk about a busy morning.

My wonderful hubby then took me to Ted's to eat some lunch, we came home & ended up taking a much needed several hour nap, which ended up being the remainder of the afternoon.  Oops.  We felt a lot better after getting a few extra zzz's though.

Our big excitement for the day yesterday was buying a couch for our soon-to-be living room!  Oh yeah.  Thank you to CraigsList.  Now we have more seating for our future home.  Tomorrow night we go pick up our new couch.  I'm so excited, I can hardly wait to move in to our new home & start getting everything organized & in place.  The goal is to be moved in by the end of the month & then hopefully early October have a baby shower!  Whew, lots to get done between now & then, I just hope everything goes smoothly & we get everything done in time.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this weekend we can get several things knocked out & move a little closer to finishing everything up!  If it wasn't for my wonderful bff Kat & her husband, I don't know what we would do.  They've been so much help I can't even explain.  Let's just say I owe them bigtime!  So a HUGE thank you to them & I love ya both.

Guess I better head off to bed before I end up over sleeping in the morning.  Yikes.

magic tan... not so magic

As we all know, I can come up with some wonderful ideas from time to time... except for the fact sometimes they don't end up as I planned it out in my head.

Take this for instance... Magic Tan.
I had this brilliant idea that I wanted to do a little spray tanning before I attempted to stumble or walk down the aisle for my wedding.  Since I was getting married on a Tuesday evening... I figured I would go in on a Thursday evening & get my tan on.

Did I mention that not all my ideas always work out as planned?

This is what I consider a complete & total disaster.

So I arrive at Tan & Tone all ready & willing.  I watched a 10 minute video with all the details of what is going to take place behind the Magic Tan door.  The nice lady took me back to the room, went over some instructions, then the door shut.  At first glance I'm not quite sure what to think of this glass coffin I'm soon to be standing in.  I remove all clothing & do all the proper preparations then step into the coffin.  When the door shut I immediately notice the air is very stiff & the smell was a little over powering.

FYI:  If you have severe Asthma... Magic Tan is not a good idea.

I should have immediately known without having even pushed the green go button & already having trouble breathing... this was a bad idea.  But what was my decision?  Yep... I assumed my robot stance & hit the go button.  My first chosen position was to have my back towards the jets of which would be spraying me with my new soon-to-be tan.  When it started it sounded like the air breaks on a semi or a jet engine taking off in flight... loud & scary to say the least.

I immediately went from my robot stance to having my hands & arms directly over my head, saying "oh shit".  Then immediately followed up with "oh crap" because I then realize I'm not in the proper position for the spray tan to be evenly distributed.  In the process of all of that I can't breathe!  The spray tan smells atroshish & completely takes your breathe away.  So I make the quick choice to open & close the glass coffin door a few times to gasp for a quick fresh breathe as best I could, then hurry to assume the correct position again.

In the process of attempting to assume all 4 robot positions correctly, I would open & close the glass coffin door each time in attempt to receive as much fresh air as possible.  Let's just say by the time the last spray had finished I was never so glad to bail out of the glass coffin in to clean air again.  As I look in the mirror I find to my horror that I have wonderful dark streaks running down my legs, arms, face, chest, etc.  Fantastic!  I immediately start the blotting motions with the towel hoping to not smear my new tan but hoping to not have crazy stripe marks all over my body.  Whew.

Unfortunately I've had swelling issues from the start of my pregnancy & by the time I had finished blotting my entire body... I look down & realize I had forgotten to put the correct creme on my toe nails so they wouldn't stain.  Having swelling issues, prevents bending over to that extreme unless I would like to lose what ever I had eaten that day.  I decide it's not that big of a deal, stand there for a few minutes to relax & dry.  As I'm re-applying my clothing I hear the nice lady at the door say "is everything ok in there"?  Which I'm immediately thinking... oh crap she probably noticed the poof's of tanning solution rising from atop the walls, from me opening & closing the coffin door gasping for fresh air.  Oops.  I nicely reply back, "yes all done, getting dressed & fixing to come out".  She says ok then I hurry to finish getting dressed & exit the Magic Tan room & head towards the front.

She stops me to ask how my "experience" was.  Um... how should I reply to this?  Well instead of saying everything was fine, I reply... "it was horrible, total disaster".  She looked at me like I had lost my mind, but I then followed up with the fact, it was loud, smelled bad & I couldn't breathe, but none the less was hoping my new tan would turn out good.  I could tell she was speechless, so I took the opportunity to thank her for her help & wished her a good evening, then hurried out the front door.

Wow what an experience.  Definitely not something I will be participating in again in the future.

The best part is that it's been well over 2 months now since my "experience" with Magic Tan & my toe nails are still this awesome yellow color from the tanning solution soaking in.  Unfortunately there is nothing I can do to remove the yellow coloring, I've tried & nothing works.

So yes... I even walked down the aisle in my wedding with yellow toe nails, it was great, but my dress was long & I seriously don't think anyone noticed.

Some may ask why don't I just get my toe nails painted & well... I can't ever remember having my toe nails painted, because I'm just not that kinda girl.  In fact, I can't stand anyone messing with my feet at all.  I think feet are gross.  Don't touch mine & I won't touch yours, that's the rule.

Hopefully by this time next year, my toe nails will have returned to their original color & the fabulous yellow will be history.

Montana frustration

My hubby & his dad have been on a road trip to Montana since Wednesday.

I have to say I'm ready for him to return home now.

It's frustrating when the longest conversation we've had is approximately 6 minutes at any given time he calls, which is about twice a day.  I know he's with his dad & all.  I know they've been busy & tired.  It's just frustrating.

Especially when your ready to find out all the details of their day plus hopefully discuss the details of mine as well & it abruptly ends with "I gotta run, call ya tomorrow".  Ugh

I guess we're just different in that aspect.  Personally, I would make time every day to have a decent length of conversation with him if I were gone for that long away from home.

It just kind of feels like it's not a big deal to him if we even talk at all.  Or maybe he's so busy he's not missing me.  Heck I don't know.

I'm just ready for him to be home now.  Unfortunately that won't be tomorrow.
Guess I'll just have to deal with it.

Maybe someday I'll get the invite to go to Montana too.  Who knows.