Week 10 continued

Well we met with Paula yesterday.  It was extremely emotionally for both of us.

Sometimes I think it's easier to have a third-party involved to help both of us understand each other's point of view & to get our feelings across to each other better.  She has a way about her, that's very loving, caring, but yet pulls apart everything to allow us to see the light, so-to-say.  All in all, I really felt like we made some progress yesterday.

I know by the blog I wrote the other day... things seemed pretty bleak, but like I've said before, I write how I feel in the moment & that's just how it is.  People can judge me if they want, because it honestly doesn't affect me.

Some days are good & some days aren't so good for us.  We both have a lot of work to do in order for our marriage to succeed & I feel like we're both very aware of that.

Paula gave us a book to read.  It's called, "Living with the Passive Aggressive Man".  Basically from what she described yesterday, I think this hits the nail on the head.

The cover of the book reads... "Does he tell you he'll meet you at 7:30 and then show up an hour late?"  "Does he tell you he's angry but won't tell you why?"  Wow... I can't wait to read this book.  Fred already started reading it last night, so I decided that since we are apparently not going to read this one together... I will go buy my own, so I don't have to wait until he's finished before I can start on it.  I already called Barnes & Noble & they have it waiting for me at the front desk so I can stop by & pick it up tomorrow.

Paula suggested that Fred come by himself next time, so they can chat about a few things from his past that he really needs to be able to let go of, cope with & put behind him.  I couldn't agree more.  I love my husband more than anything & even though I know this is going to be a muddy road to walk down... I'm absolutely willing to do it, as long as he's willing to put forth the extremely hard effort it will take on his part.

I know that Paula could feel the desperate state that we're currently in.  I have faith that she will be able to lead us back to a better place with each other & on the road to building a strong foundation for our family.

Even though we've only been married a little over a year now & we are already going through some difficult times... I'm trying to look at this all in a positive way.  I'm glad that we are experiencing these things now in the beginning of our marriage, because I think this will not only bring us closer together, but I really think the bond between us could be truly amazing.  I have hope & I have faith in this.

I realized yesterday, that I'm just not willing to give up yet.  I'm not willing to throw in the towel on our marriage, despite what I say in my moments of frustration.  Although, I do know that I have to draw the line somewhere & if Fred decides to not step up to the plate & show he's willing to do what ever it takes then... well unfortunately I will have to draw the line & make that tough decision to go our seperate ways.  I strongly hope it doesn't come to that though.

Dear God, please give us the strength to over come these tough times & see us through to the better side.  Amen.