It’s such a struggle. I can remember the days of thinking I was fat “way back when”… but what on earth was I thinking? I wish I could go back in time & slap myself for even having those thoughts, geez.
I always joke & say that this weight magically appeared over night, but that’s far from the truth. I’ve been struggling with some weight gain since around a year before I ever became pregnant with Kayla. So I can’t lay the complete blame on my pregnancy. I had started going to a weight clinic & had been going for a few months when I found out I was pregnant. Obviously that put an immediate halt on all diet pills & plans.
Now that Kayla is within days of the 9th month mark, I feel like I should’ve made a little better progress in my weight loss by now.
The brutal truth is that, it’s very depressing. Some days are better than others. I’m much better now then I was the first few months after Kayla was born. I’ll admit, there were some really rough days in there. I remember thinking that I was probably the only one who’s felt that way & that I shouldn’t be worrying about my body when I’m holding the most beautiful baby in the entire world in my arms. I was mourning the loss of my former body & I felt helpless.
I keep telling myself that before we even think about trying to get pregnant with another child, this weight has to disappear. No bones about it. My goal is to buy one of those bo-flex machines, as soon as I finish with the remodel of the office/den area. I know if I had a membership to a gym, I wouldn’t go. So working out at home is the only option for me. Surprisingly enough the weight doctor talked about a wii & how he’s had lots of women that have one & do the work outs & are very successful with it. I’ve browsed but haven’t seriously looked into buying one of those just yet. The thought is still in my mind though. I’m not much on video games or that type of thing.
My biggest fear is that hubby will be ready for another child before I’ve restored my body as close to its former glory as I can. I have a friend that said she didn’t worry about the weight loss until after the second child because she knew they wanted a second child & why go through all the work to lose all that weight when your just going to re-gain most of it back again. Good thought, but… my luck I would gain a ton more weight on top of what I already needed to lose. Ugh just the thought of that happening makes me wanna crawl in a hole somewhere.
Of course we don’t wanna wait too many years between Kayla & having another, because we want our children to be close. And I… of all people definitely know how so many years between can make a huge difference in so many ways. Since my brother is 20 years older than I am, it was just like being raised as an only child growing up.
So now I’m setting my weight loss goals for the next 6 months. I want to take some cute family pics for Christmas cards & mail them to our family & close friends this year. So I definitely want to be in skinny clothes by then. That’s the goal & I’m determined to achieve it.
All these years I’ve always said there is no way in hell I would ever consider any type of cosmetic surgery, but now days… I’m starting to re-consider. After we’re done having children & there’s been enough time for my body to heal… I’m thinking a little tummy tuck/liposuction/breast reduction might not be so bad. It’s not like I wanna be a size 00 again like I was back in high school. It was cool then, but now at 34 years old… not so cool, very un-healthy, not to mention totally un-realistic.
All in all… when it comes down to it… I’m working towards my weight loss goal. It just might take a little while to get where I need to be. I’m determined to get there though! So everyone cross your fingers & say a small prayer that I’ll have success.
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