4 Teeth

Kayla officially has 4 teeth now... watch out I think in the next few days she might have a whole mouth full.  Seems like over night two more appeared on the bottom.  This morning is when the 4th one finally came through on the bottom.  I could tell it was fixing to make its appearance, but ya never know exactly when that will happen, you just have to keep checking every day.

Her teeth are so cute!  They are so little & adorable.

I bought her a toothbrush & toothpaste awhile back & tried to start brushing her first top teeth but she wasn't having any part of that.  She clinched her lips tight together & wouldn't even allow the toothbrush near her.  Guess we'll have to keep working on that one.  So far, I haven't been successful at even getting the toothbrush in her mouth yet.

I've been dying to get a picture of her itty bitty teeth, but I haven't been successful at that either.  Everytime I have the camera ready & snap a shot, she somehow closes her mouth at the exact moment the picture was snapped.  Go figure, right.

In less than a week, she will be 1 year old.  Ugh, I'm so not emotionally ready for this.  She's already growing to fast... what do I do?  I haven't heard the words mama yet either, so I'm still patiently awaiting that every day.  She's babbling more & more each day, so I'm sure it won't be long now.  I'm just so anxious to hear those words though!

I bought some of her birthday party stuff a few days ago, so I'm kinda prepared for next weekend.  We are just planning a small gathering with cake & ice cream, nothing to major.

Sadly, Friday on her actual birthday we have my company Christmas party that night.  It's only for a few hours though, so that won't be so bad.  My BFF Kat & her husband are coming up to spend the night & go to the party with us.  It's been really nice since Kat & I work together now, we get to see each other more than ever before & spend our lunches & breaks together.  Now if I could somehow convince them to move closer... hmmm... I'll have to keep working on that one.

Hopefully little Love Bug sleeps all night tonight.  Last night she slept from 8-midnight then decided to wake up & wasn't in the mood to go back to sleep for awhile.  I rocked her until she was content then she finally passed back out again.  This morning she didn't take a nap, then when I was getting ready to feed her lunch, she passed smooth out in her high-chair, so I scooped her up & laid her in bed for a much needed nap.  She slept for a little while, but then was back up & ready to play again.  When she awoke from her afternoon nap, she was crying & very upset.  I'm thinking her teeth were bothering her pretty bad.  She seemed so worn out & ended up passing back out in my arms while I was holding her, so I just held her & let her sleep in my arms for over an hour.  She needed the rest & of course I didn't mind holding her while she slept either.  I enjoy every single one of these moments.

Hopefully she'll be able to sleep better tonight & wake up happy in the morning!

4 day Thanksgiving

It was so incredibly nice to have 4 days off work for Thanksgiving!  I felt like we got a lot accomplished over the weekend too.

Thanksgiving Day we went to my brother's house for lunch & ended up staying until almost 3pm.  Then we stopped by Fred's parents house to say hi before heading home for the day.  Poor Kayla was absolutely exhausted by the time we arrived home.

She has a routine every day & when her routine gets out of whack, it takes her the whole day after to recoop & get back on track again.

I'm not one of those crazy Black Friday shoppers, so I didn't leave the house at all Friday except later that evening to go grab some dinner for us.  I will admit it was tempting, especially with all the good deals going on, but I just can't convince myself to actually get out & do it.

I spent most of the weekend working around the house, trying to get the den in order, cleaning & random other things.

Saturday my parents watched Kayla for a few hours while we went in search of a new bed.  A few weeks ago we stopped in Mathis Brothers & I have to say that I will never shop there again.  That place is completely nutts!  You barely get in the door & 90 sales people are waiting to attack you, oh I hate that.  I don't like being harrassed when I'm trying to shop, not to mention there's one million other people in the store at the same time & each with a sales person following them around everywhere. Ugh.  So Saturday we went to Bob Bills & we had a great experience there.  The sales guy that helped us, was nice.  The atmosphere was more calm & not so crazy.  The best part was that we found a bed & bought it!  Despite my reservations about buying a King size bed, that's what we ended up with.  They had a special deal going... King size for the price of the Queen & the King size came with sheets & pillows.  What a deal, huh!  Then we browsed the discount section & found a headboard for $68, woohoo.  Needless to say, Saturday was a great day for us.

We ordered the lower profile box springs so our bed wasn't ready to be picked up until yesterday.  After nurse Shirley left, Fred & I hooked up the trailer & headed to Bob Mills to claim our new bed.  By the time we got that loaded, back home again, then rushed around to get everything moved around & set up... it was 8pm by the time we picked Kayla back up from my parents house.  But let me tell you... that was the best nights sleep I've had in a long long time.  Just like sleeping on a cloud I tell ya!

Sunday I spent most of the day, cleaning house, doing laundry & all the usual house hold chores that come every week.

It was just so nice to have enough days off work that I didn't feel rushed around to get everything done in two days like usual.  Since Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, we are only getting that following Monday off work.  I'm seriously considering taking off a few extra days in there somewhere, just to have a little extra time.  I'm not sure how or if I can swing that just yet, but I definitely plan on looking into it.

We have a lot to be thankful for this year as we always do.  Great family & friends & most of all our beautiful little love bug Kayla.  It warmed my heart to be able to spend more time with her over the 4 day holiday, I enjoyed every minute.

Living with the Passive Agressive Man

I've been reading the book, "Living with the Passive Aggressive Man".  I will admit... parts of this book feel like they wrote it based on Fred.
I was really starting to doubt myself & wonder if maybe I'm asking to much sometimes... maybe I'm pushy... maybe I'm bitchy... maybe all my complaints are truly ridiculous & I'm the one who needs to lighten up.  After I started reading this book, a bright light bulb shined in my face & said, "you aren't really a bitch after all".  Although reading a book doesn't exactly "fix" anything in my marriage, it does help me to feel better & not beat myself up so much about everything.

So far this book is truly amazing to me.  I never would have thought that anyone else would have understood exactly what I'm dealing with or going through, but as it turns out, I'm not alone!

Unfortunately I have an example from today.

Last night before we hung up the phone, he said he would call me this morning around 8-9am.

When I woke up this morning & Kayla got up & around... I noticed low & behold she had TWO teeth that came through.  How exciting right?  Well to me it was very exciting & I couldn't wait for Fred to call so I could tell him about her teeth finally coming through!

8am, 9am, 10am, 11am, 12pm... then 12:30pm rolls around... nothing.  In the meantime I had called at varies times & hadn't gotten any answer until he finally picked up at 12:30.

What are you doing?
Um... waiting for you to call...
Oh, just got cows off the neighbors property.
Um... you said you would call around 8-9ish this morning, but I hadn't heard from you.  I called several times & sent you a text earlier.
(yelling) Well I was getting cows off the neighbors property, so get over it!
Click... I hung up.

Seriously?  Anytime I call him out on anything, he has an immediate excuse in return.

So I sent him a text about an hour later letting him know that I was awaiting his phone call this morning to tell him the exciting news about Kayla's 2 teeth & that by acting the way he did, he's missing out on these things.  He did text me back & said he shouldn't have yelled at me & thanked me for letting him know about Kayla.

Originally he told me that he would be coming in around 3-4ish today.  He waited until 6pm to send me a text & let me know that he wouldn't be in until tomorrow.

I sent him a text back saying, "you said you would be here around 3-4ish today, then you wait until 6pm to text me you're not coming in until tomorrow.  Do you see where I'm coming from?  It's called communication."

His response:  Yes, I tried to send that earlier it did not go through.
My interpretation:  ANOTHER EXCUSE

Where do I draw the line?  We are going through counseling with Paula & just when I think we might be making some progress, we take 100 steps backwards & we're in the same mud hole again.

Maybe if he moves out he will be more motivated to make some changes.  Maybe just maybe he will realize he doesn't want to lose his family & then step up to the plate & do what ever it takes.

The honest truth is, I just don't know anymore.  I just simply don't know.
On one hand, I'm not willing to give up just yet, but on the other hand, I want to give up.

I just want to be able to comfortably breathe again.  I think I deserve at least that.

Dear God, please give me the strength I need right now.

OSU Tragedy

So sad... once again tragedy strikes OSU.  I first heard the news on the radio this morning.

Friday, November 18, 2011, Oklahoma State University women’s basketball coach Kurt Budke and assistant women’s basketball coach Miranda Serna were killed along with two others Thursday night in a plane crash in Perry County, Arkansas.

Now let's take a step back a few years...

On Jan. 27, 2001, three airplanes carrying nearly three dozen members of Oklahoma State's basketball program left Jefferson County Airport near Boulder, Colorado, on a snowy Saturday night bound for Stillwater.
One of the planes, a twin-engine Beech King Air 200, crashed on a snowy hillside near Denver. There were no survivors.  Ten men, ten lives. Gone in an instant.

Kendall Durfey, 38, was a radio engineer for the Cowboy Network. Bjorn Fahlstrom, 30, sat in the co-pilot's seat. Nate Fleming, 20, was a freshman guard. Will Hancock, 31, was the media relations coordinator. Daniel Lawson, 21, was a junior guard. Brian Luinstra, 29, was a trainer. Denver Mills, 55, was the pilot. Pat Noyes, 27, was the director of basketball operations. Bill Teegins, 48, was the play-by-play voice of the Cowboys. Jared Weiberg, 22, was a student manager.

When tragedy strikes... it makes you take a step back & think about how short life can be.  Nobody knows when their last day will arrive.  All those who passed were still young.  Most were younger than I am.  It definitely puts a lump in my throat thinking about it.

To top it off OSU lost their game tonight.  Boo.  Winning might have brought a little sunshine to a gloomy day for them.  That just sucks.

Well I hope everyone says a prayer tonight for all the families of those lost in the plane crash.  So very sad.

OSU fan in the making

Well here is our OSU fan in the making!  She is sporting an OSU hoodie that was handed down to her from her cousins.  Very cute, huh!

To go along with the awesome OSU hoodie... well there is that precious heart melting smile of hers!

We still haven't seen any teeth poke through yet.  I'm also still patiently waiting to here "mama" come out of her mouth.

Her birthday is coming up quickly & I'm not even remotely prepared.  I'm thinking she needs a zebra theme, but I haven't made up my mind just yet.  My plan is to make a cake for the adults & cupcakes for the kids.  That way Kayla can have a cupcake to distroy instead of a chunk of cake.  We don't plan on having a big shin-dig or anything.  Just immediate family & a few friends.

I am looking forward to the future when she wants to have girl sleep overs & girly birthday parties though.  I'm sure that will be fun but possibly exhausting for me, ha ha.

Everyone keeps saying we need to cut her hair because it's grown so long in the back & looks funny... well... I'm not cutting it because I don't want to & that's what I have to say about that!  Even though she has some what of a mullet going on... personally I think it's cute & when the time is right, then we will cut it.  Until then, it's perfect the way that it is!

The one thing I am dreading that is coming up... is her one year shots.  Ugh.  She's done so well the past two times, I hope this time is just as good.

Week 12

Fred had his one-on-one appointment with Paula today.  When I asked him about it, he didn't really discuss any details.  However, he did tell me that they talked about his wreck mostly & I know that's a very emotional part of his past that is VERY hard for him to talk about with anyone.

I'm glad that he was able to discuss his emotions with Paula & hopefully it helped him.

He is suppose to call Paula & set an appointment for next week.  I'm not sure if it is going to be another one-on-one or if she wants to see both of us just yet.  I guess we'll find out when he calls.

Conner is officially 1

Well it's official... tomorrow my sweet little grandbaby Conner is 1 year old now.  How is this even possible?

I think the funniest thing is that Kayla was suppose to be born before him & everything turned out the opposite & Conner decided to show up early.  Thankfully though, he was healthy & absolutely perfect.  He ended up staying a few nights in the hospital, but of course we were all just very thankful for his healthy arrival.

I know it might seem a little weird that I call him my grandbaby even though he's not technically flesh & blood to me, but hey... I love him just like he might as well be.  In my opinion that's all that matters.

Rach had his birthday party on Sunday, so Kayla & I headed to the big town of Orlando for the party.  Fred didn't end up going with me.  He was suppose to head out to Carter with a load of hay.  There was a ton of people there.  Conner got so many presents he got tired of opening them, ha ha.  I guess you can say, he's very loved... that's for sure!  I'm crossing my fingers that Kayla doesn't end up with near that many.  She's only turning 1 - she doesn't need that much, right?

I didn't get to really spend any time with Conner, because there was so many people there & so much was going on it was overwhelming for him I'm sure.  He got a little cranky after awhile but once he got into the cake he was happy & content again.  I know for a little one... it must be hard to open a present & not be able to just concentrate on playing with that one for awhile before having to move onto opening another one.  I can see the frustration there.  I would have to say overall though, he did great with everything!

I was hoping to get a few pics of him & Kayla together, but unfortunately I didn't.  Hopefully at Kayla's upcoming birthday party I can get some though.  I think that would be too cute.

I'm so proud of Rach.  She's done so well in her life & that just makes me so happy.  Especially to watch her with Conner, it's cute.  She informed me the other day that if all goes well, she will finally be graduating college in December... woohoo!  The funny part is that she won't find out how she did on her finals until after she walks across the stage, but hey I think if she gets to walk across the stage then that should be a for sure graduation, don't ya think?

People who don't know our situation, well it's sometimes hard to explain to them.  I typically get a funny look of confusion, but that doesn't bother me.  The fact is, that Rach & I have a strong bond & I truly believe it will always be that way.  We've gone through some difficult times together & always came out better on the other side.  I made a promise to her many many years ago that no matter what I would always be a part of her life & that was a promise that I planned on keeping.  Rach means the world to me & I love her as if she is my very own.

I believe that even though sometimes we may not understand the way our lives twist & turn, there is always a reason for the road in which we end up taking.  Sometimes it's a bumpy one, no doubt.  I have to say though... it's always worked out for the better.

Happy birthday to my sweet Conner - nana loves you!