I've loved this song since the first time I heard it & I immediately thought of my hubby. I know that we've had our ups & downs lately, but the most important thing is that we love each other & I know that we will make it through these tough times & come out better & stronger afterwards. From the moment we got together, I've believed deep down that the man above was the one who put our hearts together from the very start. I love my hubby oh so very much... so this is for you honey. I love you.
God Gave Me You - Blake Shelton
I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be
But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you
There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Week 7
Week 7 - October 12th
Fred was not able to attend our appointment because he was out in western Oklahoma doing the cattle stuff. So I decided to go by myself to see Paula.
We had a really good chat, as we always do. I have to admit I was a little disappointed that Fred was unable to come with me, but I think it was good that I was able to have that time by myself to talk to Paula though.
She asked the typical questions about how everything had been going, have there been any arguments/disagreements, if we had date night yet, etc. I was sad to report that there still hasn't been a date night.
I expressed my frustrations with everything. Especially date night & how I feel that I'm over looked, put to the side, almost as if he doesn't feel I'm deserving of a night out or he would make more of an effort to schedule something.
How random tasks that I ask of him to help me with... somehow never get done. It feels like he hears my requests, but yet choses to put them to the side, ignore or completely forget about them altogether. Then I take on the "nagging" roll of kindly reminding him time & time again... but unfortunately that doesn't work either. The tasks still go undone. With some things, I typically go ahead & just do them myself, because well... I asked for help for a reason & if it's something that needs done in a timely manor, I'm left with no other choice than to figure it out myself & make the time or find someone else to help me (which is kinda embarressing).
Sometimes I feel like the maid, instead of a wife. I hate that feeling. Absolutely hate it.
I've tried to express my feelings to him so many times that I'm blue in the face. Again... he hears my frustrations, hurt & anger... and usually things get better for a few days, but then we go right back to the same mudhole. He always apologizes, says things will get better, that he is trying & will try harder. But I'm so tired of hearing I'm sorry, I want to actually see some effort. If he completes one project/task that I've requested help with, then nothing else gets done for weeks/months at a time after that. It's almost like he feels he's done his one good deed for the year & I should be satisfied with that. Ugh, frustration.
The stress of everything really gets to me sometimes. I want so badly for everything to be right with us again.
Some days I feel hope & others, I feel like I'm running into a brick wall at 100mph.
Fred was suppose to call Paula yesterday, then again today... to schedule our next appointment, but he hasn't yet. So I'm not real sure when our next appointment will be.
We had a really good chat, as we always do. I have to admit I was a little disappointed that Fred was unable to come with me, but I think it was good that I was able to have that time by myself to talk to Paula though.
She asked the typical questions about how everything had been going, have there been any arguments/disagreements, if we had date night yet, etc. I was sad to report that there still hasn't been a date night.
I expressed my frustrations with everything. Especially date night & how I feel that I'm over looked, put to the side, almost as if he doesn't feel I'm deserving of a night out or he would make more of an effort to schedule something.
How random tasks that I ask of him to help me with... somehow never get done. It feels like he hears my requests, but yet choses to put them to the side, ignore or completely forget about them altogether. Then I take on the "nagging" roll of kindly reminding him time & time again... but unfortunately that doesn't work either. The tasks still go undone. With some things, I typically go ahead & just do them myself, because well... I asked for help for a reason & if it's something that needs done in a timely manor, I'm left with no other choice than to figure it out myself & make the time or find someone else to help me (which is kinda embarressing).
Sometimes I feel like the maid, instead of a wife. I hate that feeling. Absolutely hate it.
I've tried to express my feelings to him so many times that I'm blue in the face. Again... he hears my frustrations, hurt & anger... and usually things get better for a few days, but then we go right back to the same mudhole. He always apologizes, says things will get better, that he is trying & will try harder. But I'm so tired of hearing I'm sorry, I want to actually see some effort. If he completes one project/task that I've requested help with, then nothing else gets done for weeks/months at a time after that. It's almost like he feels he's done his one good deed for the year & I should be satisfied with that. Ugh, frustration.
The stress of everything really gets to me sometimes. I want so badly for everything to be right with us again.
Some days I feel hope & others, I feel like I'm running into a brick wall at 100mph.
Fred was suppose to call Paula yesterday, then again today... to schedule our next appointment, but he hasn't yet. So I'm not real sure when our next appointment will be.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
First ring
It's hard to believe it's already been that long ago.
What a beautiful ring it is too!
It's been a while since I've been able to wear it, because my finger has simply been to fat for it. I tried it on a few weeks ago & low & behold... it fits again! Hurray. So the past week or so, I've been wearing it, just on on my right hand instead of the left. I really love that ring.
Thanks again honey for that beautiful ring, I love you!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Poor baby
Yesterday Kayla started getting a little snotty... then last night, she woke up off & on throughout the entire night. When I dropped her off at my parents house this morning I could tell my poor baby just wasn't feeling well at all.
Around 10am my mom called to tell me that little Kayla was unable to sleep because she was having a hard time breathing & thought I should try to get her into the dr today. So I called & luckily they were able to work her in this afternoon.
When I picked her up, she was just out of it. I loaded her in the truck & off to the dr office we went.
After waiting in the waiting room for almost an hour, they finally called us back. The diagnosis was she has a cold.
We got some saline solution & a new large snot sucker as the remedy.
Perfect... the one area of her body she doesn't like anyone to mess with & now I have to squirt saline up in each side & vacuum the snot out. Awesome. And, I need to do this 3-4 times a day for the next few days to help her get cleared up.
I dreaded even thinking about attempting it, but hey, it has to be done right?
Poor Kayla. I can't stand to see her cry & it kills me being the one whose causing her to cry in the first place. God help me. I managed to hold my emotions in the first attempt even though she was crying so hard she was turning red & it simply broke my heart.
Second attempt, well I almost lost it. I managed to get through it, but I almost started crying to.
I know, everyone is probably saying... oh what a weenie. Well you are probably right... maybe I am a weenie mom, but that's just how it is I guess. I never thought in a million years I would be a weenie mom, but hey... I guess you never know until you're actually there huh. So I'll admit it, I'm pretty soft when it comes to my sweet baby.
We hooked the humidifier up in her bedroom tonight, so I'm hoping that will help her breathe better.
So far, she hasn't slept an entire hour without waking up tonight. Poor baby. It's going to be another long night I'm affraid.
Hubby is sick, now baby is sick... = mommy has her hands full. Everyone please pray for me.
Around 10am my mom called to tell me that little Kayla was unable to sleep because she was having a hard time breathing & thought I should try to get her into the dr today. So I called & luckily they were able to work her in this afternoon.
When I picked her up, she was just out of it. I loaded her in the truck & off to the dr office we went.
After waiting in the waiting room for almost an hour, they finally called us back. The diagnosis was she has a cold.
We got some saline solution & a new large snot sucker as the remedy.
Perfect... the one area of her body she doesn't like anyone to mess with & now I have to squirt saline up in each side & vacuum the snot out. Awesome. And, I need to do this 3-4 times a day for the next few days to help her get cleared up.
I dreaded even thinking about attempting it, but hey, it has to be done right?
Poor Kayla. I can't stand to see her cry & it kills me being the one whose causing her to cry in the first place. God help me. I managed to hold my emotions in the first attempt even though she was crying so hard she was turning red & it simply broke my heart.
Second attempt, well I almost lost it. I managed to get through it, but I almost started crying to.
I know, everyone is probably saying... oh what a weenie. Well you are probably right... maybe I am a weenie mom, but that's just how it is I guess. I never thought in a million years I would be a weenie mom, but hey... I guess you never know until you're actually there huh. So I'll admit it, I'm pretty soft when it comes to my sweet baby.
We hooked the humidifier up in her bedroom tonight, so I'm hoping that will help her breathe better.
So far, she hasn't slept an entire hour without waking up tonight. Poor baby. It's going to be another long night I'm affraid.
Hubby is sick, now baby is sick... = mommy has her hands full. Everyone please pray for me.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Week 5-6
Week 5 - September 28th
We had a little homework to do after our visit last week. I finished mine & Fred was working on his as soon as we arrived at Paula's house. I felt like he should've put a little more effort in to making sure he had his papers filled out before our appointment. I didn't say anything though.
At every appointment it seems like I learn something new, or I see something in a different light.
Paula talked to us about having a "date night" a few weeks ago, but that has yet to happen. It doesn't feel the same when you feel like you have to ask for a night out. If he came up with the idea on his own, then it would mean so much more to me. Like maybe if he felt like I deserved a night out & away from everything. A special treat I guess. A night thought.
Week 6 - October 5th
We ended up cancelling our appointment tonight.
Yesterday his truck decided to quit working, so I picked him up at his parents house on my way home from work. Then after I dropped him off at home & headed to pick up Kayla... my truck decided not to start at my parents house, go figure right? Anyways, Fred didn't feel good today & he was trying to get the broke truck loaded on the flatbed in order to take it to the shop tomorrow. So with all of that, we decided to cancel our appointment with Paula tonight. We re-scheduled for next Wednesday though, so we're still on track.
If it's not one thing, it's always something else, isn't it?
I've been working from home some in the evenings too. So that cuts the evenings a little shorter than they already are. I'm still in the process of cleaning up the den/office area & that's taking a lot longer than what I had hoped for. It's just hard & impossible to do everything yourself though. There are only so many hours in each day & only so many free hours in the evenings as well.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
We had a little homework to do after our visit last week. I finished mine & Fred was working on his as soon as we arrived at Paula's house. I felt like he should've put a little more effort in to making sure he had his papers filled out before our appointment. I didn't say anything though.
At every appointment it seems like I learn something new, or I see something in a different light.
Paula talked to us about having a "date night" a few weeks ago, but that has yet to happen. It doesn't feel the same when you feel like you have to ask for a night out. If he came up with the idea on his own, then it would mean so much more to me. Like maybe if he felt like I deserved a night out & away from everything. A special treat I guess. A night thought.
Week 6 - October 5th
We ended up cancelling our appointment tonight.
Yesterday his truck decided to quit working, so I picked him up at his parents house on my way home from work. Then after I dropped him off at home & headed to pick up Kayla... my truck decided not to start at my parents house, go figure right? Anyways, Fred didn't feel good today & he was trying to get the broke truck loaded on the flatbed in order to take it to the shop tomorrow. So with all of that, we decided to cancel our appointment with Paula tonight. We re-scheduled for next Wednesday though, so we're still on track.
If it's not one thing, it's always something else, isn't it?
I've been working from home some in the evenings too. So that cuts the evenings a little shorter than they already are. I'm still in the process of cleaning up the den/office area & that's taking a lot longer than what I had hoped for. It's just hard & impossible to do everything yourself though. There are only so many hours in each day & only so many free hours in the evenings as well.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
Friday, September 30, 2011
VHS, DVD, Blue Ray?
Then came the DVD. Well, it took awhile for me to merge from the VHS to DVD, but it was a forced choice. I started noticing every time I went to rent a movie, more & more DVDs were appearing on the shelves as apposed to VHS. So I was basically forced in to buying a DVD player after a certain point. That only seems like it's been a few years ago.
I swear the Blue Ray discs came out of no where! Ugh. Really? Why do we have to upgrade every few years to something bigger & better & are forced to give up the electronics we currently have that are still in great working condition? I know, it's a way for people to make more money I guess. There are some of us out here that can't afford to upgrade that often though. Of course, now I have a decent collection of DVDs & I've already merged & purchased a Blue Ray player, but ONLY because the DVD player we had... well it gave up & died one day & the sales dude at Best Buy basically was a great sales guy & ended up talking me into paying "just a few dollars more" & upgrading to the Blue Ray player instead of purchasing another plain ole' DVD player again. Way to go Best Buy dude, apparently he's good at his job.
His response... "did you update your Blue Ray player?"
Did I what? Huh? Now I'm really confused. What the flip are you talking about... did I update my Blue Ray player? It's a few months brand new, why & how would I update it?
The "kid" looks at me with this shitty look on his face & says "ma'am you have to update your Blue Ray player ever so often, don't ya know?" Excuse me, if I knew I was suppose to "update" it then why would I be here asking you this question in the first place?
Needless to say, I felt like an ancient old woman walking out of there & all I could think was, what the heck was he talking about, what a shitty attitude he had to top it off & that apparently I need to read the stupid manual that came with the damn Blue Ray player, which I still to this day haven't done. Ugh.
Well that incident happened awhile back & I never figured out anything regarding the Blue Ray issues. I've been renting the regular ole' DVDs ever since & they play just fine in our Blue Ray/DVD player.
So last weekend we rented a movie, which we hadn't done in quite some time now. After really enjoying the movie we wanted to watch the extra stuff that's usually on every DVD... well to our surprise, WE COULDN'T! That's not an option anymore when you rent movies. You can only view the extra stuff if you purchase the DVD. Can you believe that? Seriously? What the bleep. Movie rental prices went up to, so now we have to pay the same price as we were paying before EXCEPT you only get the movie for 24 hours & not 3 days. I'm so confused. Why do we even have movie rental places anymore?
I'm starting to think the "new thing" is now Netflix or one of those other online movie rental thingys. Physically going to a store & renting a movie is soon to be history I'm affraid. I'm not ready for this, but again I'm going to be left with no other choice soon. Guess I should start opening up to all of this new age technology stuff & get with the program, huh! Ugh.
Geez, I'm starting to feel old.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Week 4
Last Wednesday was week #4 to see Paula & our second appointment together. We both had one-on-one visits with her over the past two weeks as well.
We had a great visit. Our appointment lasted almost 2 hours, instead of the usual 1 hour. It was a good thing though.
Paula is just the perfect counselor. Fred couldn't have picked a better choice I swear it. She is just so warm & we both feel absolutely comfortable with her.
I really feel like we're making some progress since we've started seeing her too.
There's no doubt that we've had a lot of bumps in the road & obsticles to overcome. The most important thing though, is that we both want everything to work & we're determined to make things right & get our relationship on the right path again.
We've truly been blessed with a wonderful family & by that I mean, the two of us & our precious sweetheart Kayla. We also have a great extended family as well, along with tons of supportive friends that always stand beside us.
Our next appointment is this Wednesday.
Fred & I both look forward to each visit now.
We had a great visit. Our appointment lasted almost 2 hours, instead of the usual 1 hour. It was a good thing though.
Paula is just the perfect counselor. Fred couldn't have picked a better choice I swear it. She is just so warm & we both feel absolutely comfortable with her.
I really feel like we're making some progress since we've started seeing her too.
There's no doubt that we've had a lot of bumps in the road & obsticles to overcome. The most important thing though, is that we both want everything to work & we're determined to make things right & get our relationship on the right path again.
We've truly been blessed with a wonderful family & by that I mean, the two of us & our precious sweetheart Kayla. We also have a great extended family as well, along with tons of supportive friends that always stand beside us.
Our next appointment is this Wednesday.
Fred & I both look forward to each visit now.
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