Week 5-6

Week 5 - September 28th

We had a little homework to do after our visit last week.  I finished mine & Fred was working on his as soon as we arrived at Paula's house.  I felt like he should've put a little more effort in to making sure he had his papers filled out before our appointment.  I didn't say anything though.

At every appointment it seems like I learn something new, or I see something in a different light.

Paula talked to us about having a "date night" a few weeks ago, but that has yet to happen.  It doesn't feel the same when you feel like you have to ask for a night out.  If he came up with the idea on his own, then it would mean so much more to me.  Like maybe if he felt like I deserved a night out & away from everything.  A special treat I guess.  A night thought.

Week 6 - October 5th

We ended up cancelling our appointment tonight.

Yesterday his truck decided to quit working, so I picked him up at his parents house on my way home from work.  Then after I dropped him off at home & headed to pick up Kayla... my truck decided not to start at my parents house, go figure right?  Anyways, Fred didn't feel good today & he was trying to get the broke truck loaded on the flatbed in order to take it to the shop tomorrow.  So with all of that, we decided to cancel our appointment with Paula tonight.  We re-scheduled for next Wednesday though, so we're still on track.

If it's not one thing, it's always something else, isn't it?

I've been working from home some in the evenings too.  So that cuts the evenings a little shorter than they already are.  I'm still in the process of cleaning up the den/office area & that's taking a lot longer than what I had hoped for.  It's just hard & impossible to do everything yourself though.  There are only so many hours in each day & only so many free hours in the evenings as well.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

VHS, DVD, Blue Ray?

Remember VHS?  I can remember when I got my first VHS player... I thought I was big time then.  I had a fair collection of VHS tapes too.  Some of which I still have as a matter of fact.  Sadly some of the movies I loved, haven't yet converted to DVD, otherwise the VHS would be no more in their dust covered box.

Then came the DVD.  Well, it took awhile for me to merge from the VHS to DVD, but it was a forced choice.  I started noticing every time I went to rent a movie, more & more DVDs were appearing on the shelves as apposed to VHS.  So I was basically forced in to buying a DVD player after a certain point.  That only seems like it's been a few years ago.

I swear the Blue Ray discs came out of no where!  Ugh.  Really?  Why do we have to upgrade every few years to something bigger & better & are forced to give up the electronics we currently have that are still in great working condition?  I know, it's a way for people to make more money I guess.  There are some of us out here that can't afford to upgrade that often though.  Of course, now I have a decent collection of DVDs & I've already merged & purchased a Blue Ray player, but ONLY because the DVD player we had... well it gave up & died one day & the sales dude at Best Buy basically was a great sales guy & ended up talking me into paying "just a few dollars more" & upgrading to the Blue Ray player instead of purchasing another plain ole' DVD player again.  Way to go Best Buy dude, apparently he's good at his job.

After having the Blue Ray player for awhile, Fred & I were curious to test the difference out.  So I rented a Blue Ray.  (this was a long time ago)  We get it home & it doesn't play... hmmm interesting.  Thinking there is something wrong with the DVD, I go back the Blockbuster the next day to exchange the DVD for the same movie in hopes this would fix the issue.  Nope.  Still wouldn't play.  A little confused at this point, again, the next day I go back to Blockbuster to return the DVD... this time I patiently wait at the front counter to ask the dude what's going on with this & explain this is the second time I've exchanged it, etc.

His response... "did you update your Blue Ray player?"

Did I what?  Huh?  Now I'm really confused.  What the flip are you talking about... did I update my Blue Ray player?  It's a few months brand new, why & how would I update it?

The "kid" looks at me with this shitty look on his face & says "ma'am you have to update your Blue Ray player ever so often, don't ya know?"  Excuse me, if I knew I was suppose to "update" it then why would I be here asking you this question in the first place?

Needless to say, I felt like an ancient old woman walking out of there & all I could think was, what the heck was he talking about, what a shitty attitude he had to top it off & that apparently I need to read the stupid manual that came with the damn Blue Ray player, which I still to this day haven't done.  Ugh.

Well that incident happened awhile back & I never figured out anything regarding the Blue Ray issues.  I've been renting the regular ole' DVDs ever since & they play just fine in our Blue Ray/DVD player.

So last weekend we rented a movie, which we hadn't done in quite some time now.  After really enjoying the movie we wanted to watch the extra stuff that's usually on every DVD... well to our surprise, WE COULDN'T!  That's not an option anymore when you rent movies.  You can only view the extra stuff if you purchase the DVD.  Can you believe that?  Seriously?  What the bleep.  Movie rental prices went up to, so now we have to pay the same price as we were paying before EXCEPT you only get the movie for 24 hours & not 3 days.  I'm so confused.  Why do we even have movie rental places anymore?

I'm starting to think the "new thing" is now Netflix or one of those other online movie rental thingys.  Physically going to a store & renting a movie is soon to be history I'm affraid.  I'm not ready for this, but again I'm going to be left with no other choice soon.  Guess I should start opening up to all of this new age technology stuff & get with the program, huh!  Ugh.

Geez, I'm starting to feel old.

Week 4

Last Wednesday was week #4 to see Paula & our second appointment together.  We both had one-on-one visits with her over the past two weeks as well.

We had a great visit.  Our appointment lasted almost 2 hours, instead of the usual 1 hour.  It was a good thing though.

Paula is just the perfect counselor.  Fred couldn't have picked a better choice I swear it.  She is just so warm & we both feel absolutely comfortable with her.

I really feel like we're making some progress since we've started seeing her too.

There's no doubt that we've had a lot of bumps in the road & obsticles to overcome.  The most important thing though, is that we both want everything to work & we're determined to make things right & get our relationship on the right path again.

We've truly been blessed with a wonderful family & by that I mean, the two of us & our precious sweetheart Kayla.  We also have a great extended family as well, along with tons of supportive friends that always stand beside us.

Our next appointment is this Wednesday.

Fred & I both look forward to each visit now.

Looking back, one year ago

From time to time, I like to look back on a year ago & think about what has happened between then & now.

I remember it like it was yesterday... I had made the decision to switch jobs from a stable environment to what I thought was going to be the perfect job, with much better pay.  Then the Monday following our honeymoon weekend... I was informed I had no job.  We had such a wonderful honeymoon/vacation in Branson, MO I simply couldn't believe this would happen.  Not to mention I was 23 weeks pregnant at the time, so I was a complete emotional wreck.

At that moment, I kept telling myself that there had to be something better out there & that God must have a much bigger plan ahead.  Low & behold, that was exactly right.  I was so down on myself, but luckily the job that I had left originally... well they were happy to have me back again, so that was the first miracle.

The second miracle was that, a job I had turned down shortly after making the initial switch, well... it was re-opening & they wanted me!  Pregnant & all.  They knew when they hired me I was pregnant & would be taking leave in just a few short months.  That was just more than a miracle in my eyes.  And even better, the pay was good!

Well I'm still at the same job & I couldn't be more thankful to have it.  Like every job, it has its ups & downs, but honestly... I always step back & think about how truly thankful I am to have this job & work at this wonderful place.  If it wasn't for them accepting me while I was pregnant, I'm not sure financially where we would be at today.

There have been more than enough times in my life that I wasn't sure what was ahead or why did this have to happen to me situations.  I'm sure we've all been there.  It's nice to look back & see how many broken bridges you've conquered & realize that you can make it through anything if you build your strength to do so.

I have many mixed emotions revolving around the job that I lost over a year ago.  Sometimes I feel anger, because I know that certain individuals had a strong hand in the decision that was wrongfully made.  Maybe they felt a relief when I walked out the door that day, who knows.  I've learned a hard lesson from that experience.

When somebody has betrayed you as a friend several times over the years & then all of a sudden pops up & wants to not only make things right, but wants to offer you a swell job opportunity... you might want to take a step back & think things through in every way possible before you make that final decision.

I don't regret taking the job or making the switch.  I look at it as another stepping stone that I had to take to get to where I'm at today.  But I will say, that certain person who I left behind that day...  is now in the past where they will always remain.  It's their loss.  No need to mention names, they know who they are.

For my wonderful husband who stood beside me through those difficult times... I love you more than words can ever say & thank you so much for being there when I needed you the most!

Fred's One-on-One update

Sorry it has taken me a few days to write the update from almost a week ago...

Fred did call back later that evening & we talked about his meeting with Paula in more detail.  He was in a much better mood too.

Just one day at a time right now.  We are definitely making progress.  I just need to step back & realize that it's not all going to happen over night.  Even though I really wish that it would... that's not reality.

We have another appointment with Paula this Wednesday & we are both looking forward to it.

Rainy weather

What crazy weather we're having!  I had to turn the heater on in the house when I got home from work today... otherwise little pumpkin would have probably froze in her sleep, geez.

Talk about one extreme to another.  Last week it was in the 100's & above & it was miserable just to walk outside... but this morning you had to put a jacket on because it was chilly.

How is anyone suppose to know how to dress in this craziness?  I feel like I almost need to walk out of the house dressed in a short sleeve shirt, with a hoodie over that PLUS take along my winter coat, just to be on the safe side.  I guess this is Oklahoma & we should all be use to this by now.

The rainy crappy weather has put a damper on me & Kayla's evening stroll we've been taking every night.  She loves to be outside!  Hopefully the weather will do something nicer tomorrow & thru the weekend.

I guess we should have figured the weather out on our own though... the State Fair started today & what does it do every year on the first day of the State Fair?  It rains.  Go figure.  Ugh.

Well that's my thoughts for the day!

4 legged update

Oh where do I even start with an update on all the 4 legged children...
(unfortunately not many are good updates)

I guess I will start with Spike.  Spike, was our adopted dog that came with our house when we moved here.  So sweet, but so old & I truly feel like he mourned the loss of Mr. & Mrs. Orr when they moved away & he slowly went down hill from there.  About a week after I came home from the hospital from having Kayla... well I found Spike dead.  I felt absolutely horrible.  I promised Mrs. Orr that I would take care of Spike in their absence & I felt as if I had let her down.  I know that poor Spike was suffering.  He was old & his health had declined greatly since they moved.  He had his good days, but towards the end... more bad then good.  Spike is in his forever home, out back behind the shed where he loved to lay in the warmth of the sun.  Most importantly, he was able to live his last days here at his home & didn't have to go live anywhere else.  RIP Spike, you'll always be loved!

The Charolais Girls.  Well they came along at a much needed time... so we thought.  Fred & his mom had picked them up at the stockyards when Montana II lost her first baby boy.  Then after bringing them home, low & behold up walks a baby & it turned out that Montana II had twins, we just didn't know it at the time she lost the first one!  The sad part was that the Charolais Girls were not needed then.  We kept them anyways at least for awhile, then Fred & I took them to the stockyards several months ago so see them on their way.

I just thought they were the cutest when I first saw them.  I couldn't help it.  Wish we didn't have to part ways, but unfortunately this is the life of cattle ranching I guess.  RIP Charolais Girls, I hope you are in a home with lots of love, plenty of hay, feed & water & not on someones dinner table.

Oh here is the saddest one of all.  I don't wanna go there, but I'm going to anyways.  Bruno & Dusty.  My very first bottle calves.  We bonded.  They were my children.  Oh how I loved them so much!  When it was time to slow down on bottle feeding them, I was so sad.  Then when it came time for them to go out west... I was even more sad.  I didn't want them to go anywhere.  I wanted them to stay close so I could see them anytime that I wanted to.  I was selfish & possibly a little unreasonable at times about them.

When I found out that Fred was taking them to the sale... I lost it.  I was a mess.  Even though I knew the time was coming eventually, I made him promise me time & time again that he would allow me to see them one more time before I never had that opportunity again.  Unfortunately that didn't happen.  He took them to the sale without me getting to see them, so you could say I was very upset.  Even though people might think I'm crazy... I was very hurt by this.  I felt a bond with them & all I wanted was to see them one last time.  Guess that was way to much to ask.  I would love to have had a few last pictures of them, but I don't.

However, this is one of my favorite pictures that I took of them.  They were just the cutest ever!  I have to admit that I was a little more partial towards Bruno, but Dusty definitely has a special place in my heart too.  I would love to think that they are currently living happily ever after at a new home where they are spoiled rotten, but unfortunately I'm pretty sure that's not the case.  This is just one of those things that I will never forget & probably my husband won't as well.  RIP Bruno & Dusty, you will forever be in my heart!

On a much brighter note... Katey Belle.  What a great dog!  Seriously she's so adorable.  I'm glad that she now has her permanent home in our yard & I don't have to worry about her living anywhere else, which is such a relief for me.  It had been 3+ long years that I had to leave her at our former residence because I didn't have the proper accommodations for her to move with me.  She has her own fenced area to herself to play & do as she pleases & she seems so happy not to be cooped up in a kennel anymore (which is how she was before).  She's the sweetest dog ever I swear it.  Very lovable too.  I think she might be affraid of the dark though... at night she likes to bark a lot, ugh.  I'm currently trying to figure out a solution to this.

Eventually we are going to create a bigger fenced area for Katey Belle to roam.  Right now she has a pretty big area that she seems happy with, but I would like to see her have a little more roaming freedom.  She just deserves it!

Then what can I say... there's Abigail.  The spoiled rotten dog of all times.  She has her own domain at our house, which is the office/former garage/laundry area.  Which Is blocked off from the rest of the house.  I haven't let Kayla & Abigail meet just yet.  I'm still a little nervous about that one.  I keep hoping & praying in the back of my mind that Abigail will settle down, maybe calm down a lot & wake up to be a relaxed, non-barking dog one day... so far that just hasn't happened though.  She's never really been to fond of children or anyone for that matter, so I'm kinda at a loss as to what to do.  Everyone has their opinions on this, but no matter what... I love her & I can't just get rid of her.  I will figure something out, I'm determined!

Well there we have it... three sad updates & two happy ones.  Wish I could give ya more right now, but my eyes feel like they should be bleeding because I'm so tired.  Wait... do you hear that?  It's my bed, calling out my name.  Guess I better go investigate.