p.. never hurt anyone

Here's my exciting moment for the day that happened yesterday.

So after I patiently awaited my sweet baby to slip off to dream land... I made a b-line for the shower in hopes I could successfully take a shower before she awoke & decided to cry out.

And guess what?  I made it through my shower without her crying.  What a relief.  Although she was wide awake, so it was at that moment I decided I would go ahead & give her a bath while she was in a good mood.  I was still in my robe when I stripped her down & she got a nice warm soothing bath.  I held her next to me & was fixing to throw a towel over when all of a sudden... she decided to pee.  Yep... all down the front of my robe & me.

The funny part is... my first thought wasn't the fact I was the one who was getting peed on... I immediately thought "oh no she just got a bath".  I quickly re-washed her bottom half, threw the towel over her & rushed her to the bedroom for a diaper & clothes.

I have another confession to make, while I'm telling pee stories.

This morning at 5am when Miss Kayla awoke for a diaper change & breakfast bottle... in the process of me taking the pee pee diaper off & placing a clean fresh diaper on her... she decided to pee again... like a small pool on the bed.  My bed.  Right where my legs are when I sleep.  So after I finished changing her & giving her a breakfast bottle, what did I do after I laid her back in her bassinet?

Not wanting to get up & change the bed sheets... I rolled over to Fred's side of the bed & went back to sleep.

Yeah I know, everyone is probably saying GROSS right now, but shut up... I was tired & hell a little pee never hurt anyone has it?

1 month

One month ago last Sunday, two things happened.  The birth of our little angel Kayla & the death of my Aunt Betty.  I guess you could say life made a full circle that day.

The past month has definitely been life changing to say the least... but in a good way.  Don't get me wrong, the lack of sleep has caught up to me & some days I'm a walking zombie.  Other than being sleep deprived, I'm enjoying every minute of my little angel.

She weighed 6lbz 14oz at birth & now she officially weighs 8lbz 15oz as of 01/10/2011.  It's amazing how fast they really grow.  I'm starting to wonder if she's going to get to wear some of the cute new born clothes in the closet, since a bunch of them are short sleeved & not really meant for this time of year.  Maybe I'll have to play dress up one day & take pictures of her in each outfit so at least I can say she wore them at least once.  I'm not sure she would enjoy playing dress up though...this might have to be a several day process.

I've been slowly making my appearance at work last week & getting back into some kind of work routine.  I'm not going to say I officially have any real routine down just yet, because the honest truth is that everything's been pretty crazy.  This brings us back to the sleep deprived issue at hand.  It's hard to get up early in the morning & get motivated to put yourself together enough to start the workday, when you've only had very few hours of sleep during the night.  Now this will get much easier once little miss angel decides to start going to bed at 8pm & sleeping until I decide it's time to get up...wait...I'm not sure that's exactly how that will work, but hey I can hope right?

Here lately I've been beating myself up thinking how much I wished I had my scrapbook stuff set up so I can start her books, unfortunately I have a lot of unpacking to do before I get things organized enough to even think about working on them though.  I know before I know it time will have slipped away & I'll be behind in her scrapbooks just like I am in all the other scrapbooks I have started & not finished too. Ugh.  I wish I could clone myself so that there would be enough of me to get everything done.  I'm not sure everyone would agree there should be two of me running around though, ha ha.

Today is a good day though, celebrating one month & 4 days since the birth of my baby girl.  I'm so thankful that she was born healthy & hasn't had any problems.  What else could we possibly want...other than a beautiful, healthy, precious, sweet baby.  I mean really...life is great isn't it?

Knowing that we're in charge of the up bringing of this little tiny human is simply amazing to take in & think about at times.  I already can't imagine my life without her.  I look forward to seeing her sweet face from the moment I wake up in the morning & when I'm sitting at the office I can't wait to get off work to pick her up.  It's just crazy how your life changes in so many ways when you have a child.  My whole thought process has changed as well.  Now these days, all I want to write about is her... & that's it.

Kayla officially went to her first rodeo meeting tonight with me.  It's never to early to start breaking her in, ha ha.  Staring in April she'll make her first apperance at the rodeo too... I'm just going to assume she's excited about that as well.

It's hard for me not to drag her everywhere to show her off to everyone I see.  I guess that's just the proud mommy coming out in me.  I also have this bad feeling that I'm going to be one of those over protective mommy's too... yikes... watch out Kayla.  (smile)

10 Tips for Relationship Bliss

I read this on a website & thought it was good, so I decided to put it in my blog.  I know that relationship/marriage can be hard sometimes... & as my mom & grandma always told me, it's a day to day job that you have to work at together to make it work long term.  My grandpa always told me to never give up & the most important part of a marriage is to remember to love each other... each & every day as if it were your last.  He was a very wise man.  My grandparents must have done something right to have been together 73 years before he passed.

10 Tips for Relationship Bliss

1.  Celebrate the small stuff.
"It's not enough that your partner knows that you take pride in his or her accomplishments. You have to show it. Making a fuss over the small, good things that happen everyday can boost the health of your marriage."

2.  Learn how to fight productively.
The key to fighting productively is to recognize when a disagreement is going in the wrong direction and to take steps to calm things down and repair rifts."

3.  Silence is not golden.
"By staying quiet and avoiding conflict when things bothered them, they had missed important opportunities to cultivate and grow their relationship."

4.  Don't put negative thoughts into the universe.
"Men and women who had pondered thoughts of divorce in 1980 were nine times more likely to have gotten divorced by the end of the study."

5.  Plan together.
"Couples who planned a baby's arrival or who were equally joyous at becoming parents were far more likely to maintain their marital happiness or even enjoy an increase after the baby was born."

6.  Maintain a circle of friends and support.
"Strong friendships outside the marriage can take the pressure off your relationship, help you work things out away from your spouse, and ultimately protect your marriage from unnecessary stress and discord."

7.  Overcompensate for mistakes.
"Do marriage math. Even when you make a mistake, tell yourself that you're going to do at least five positive things for your spouse to make up for it, and then do them. And don't wait until you bicker to turn on the charm. Nice gestures and comments go far in a marriage, they are easy to do, and they will help insulate your marriage from being damaged by the inevitable bad days."

8.  Set the marriage bar high.
"Husbands and wives who hold their partners to a reasonably high standard have better marriages. If you expect a better, more satisfying relationship, you improve your chances of having one."

9.  Give it a break.
"Sometimes, improving your marriage means giving it a break. Increasing your connections with family, friends and society is good for your marriage."

10.  Be aware of your body language.
"Eye rolling is a painfully obvious sign of contempt, and it's a powerful predictor that your relationship is in serious trouble."

Happy New Year 2011

Well here we are... it's officially 2011 now.  Whew.  (still hard to believe)

The official countdown starts to me making my appearance back at work this upcoming week.  I have to admit I'm a little nervous about going back to work & leaving Miss Kayla.  Even though I will be leaving her with my parents most of the time while I'm at work... it's still going to be hard to do.  Although I do look forward to getting back to work & back to a routine in some sense, it's just hard to think about.  I know that Kayla will be fine while I'm at work, it just sucks to have to leave her so soon.  Unfortunately I don't have the option of staying at home with her full time.  I'm not sure that would be healthy for me to do anyways, even if I did have the option.

I've only left her a few times so far & only for brief periods of time.  So we really haven't been apart much.  Luckily I'm only going back half days to start off with, so hopefully I don't have to much of a breakdown during that time frame.  I have a long list of things awaiting me when I return to work so hopefully that will keep me busy enough to keep my mind of Kayla while I'm away from her.

I can't say how glad I am that we moved right down the street from my parents.  It's been more than helpful to have them close & with the recent scare of dad being in the hospital again... it's let me realize their age & how living so close allows the opportunity for Kayla to develop a close relationship with them in their last years.  I was only 8 years old when my grandma (dad's mom) passed away & I'm thankful we lived close to her & I was able to have the bond I had with her, I will always cherish that.  This time dad's visit to the hospital was pretty bad & definitely a lot worse then the other visit 2 years ago was.  Even though he was released to go home yesterday, he still has several weeks to fully recover & get back on his feet again.

The truth is... I'm scared.  I'm scared to death of losing my dad.  The mere thought brings tears to my eyes & I can't even imagine how to begin to deal with it.  He's my dad.  He's always been my rock.  Even though he hasn't always agreed with decisions I made as an adult, he's always stood beside me.  When I've fallen face first in the dirt, he's always been there to tell me to get the hell up, wipe the dust off & keep going.  He's never been one to sugar coat things EVER.  That's where my strength comes from... is him.  That's where I learned to be strong & that if I'm determined enough to do something, then I can do it, nothing can stop me.

I can't help but have some jealousy issues considering my brother is 20 years older then me & he's had 20 more years with our parents... then I have.  I know it may sound stupid to put it like that, but that's me being honest about how I feel.  I want my parents to see baby Kayla & any other children we may have, grow up to become young adults.  Both of my nieces have had that opportunity & even have children of their own now too.  I guess sometimes I take advantage of the fact my parents have always been there & I try not to think about the day when they won't be anymore.  That's a hard one.  It's hard to imagine living a life without them.

My sweet grandma has been gone almost 2 years now... & I still have her phone number programed in my cell phone.  Keep in mind I've gotten a new phone since she's been gone too.  I just couldn't bare the thought of removing her phone number.  I'm not sure why.  I don't have the answer to that.  Even though she's in a better place, that doesn't change the sadness in my heart that she's not here to hold my baby Kayla & wasn't able to attend my wedding.

I know... everyone is probably thinking that I'm on the sad train today & well maybe you're right.  It must be hormones, at least that's what I'm going to blame it on for now.  Talk about a roll-a-coaster somedays, wow.

I guess I had hopes of spending more quality time with my hubby this weekend, but as it looks like that's probably not going to happen.  It would be nice for him to come up with an idea for us to do something together or maybe surprise me with renting a movie I've been wanting to see, something, anything.  He has a slight addiction to ebay & craigslist... so I have to say that most of the time when he's home, he's on the laptop.  I'll admit it's kinda frustrating sometimes.  It's just nice to be recognized or have some extra attention right now.  I guess you could say I've fallen in to that same ole role every other mom has... nobody wonders about me, it's all about Kayla & suddently I've become transparent.  To a certain degree, I'm totally on board with that, because Miss Kayla is the center of my world no doubt.

Well I'm attempting to get some work done from home today, to hopefully knock out a few things in advance before I get to work next week & get some hours in too.  Although, Miss Kayla is only allowing me about 30 minutes at a time before becoming restless for some reason.  Go figure as soon as her daddy left earlier, she immediately woke up... like some kind of alarm went off or something, what's up with that.

I made the decision to write a quick blog today in between work & Kayla time.  Now I must return to my endless amount of paperwork to enter, ugh.

Well anyways... Happy New Years day everyone.  Let the new year begin!

the end of 2010

Well this is it... the end of the year 2010.  This will be my last blog for the year.  Crazy to think that another year has whizzed by so fast.

Our New Years evening consisted of hanging out at home, just the three of us.  I made cheese dip to snack on for dinner.  My hubby came home from being out west & I was ready to bring in the New Year with him when he got here.  Miss Kayla was a little fussy today & it was just one of those days.  I'm pretty exhausted & could use about a 10 hour nap, but somehow, someway I'm still functioning at this point.  I was hoping to not colapse before the clock dings midnight.  Then again... what's the big deal about staying up until midnight anyways?

I guess the older you get, the urge to party your ass off right up until midnight just fades away.  I remember those days, or should I say I lived through those days.  I look back & wonder how I did manage to survive all my New Years partying days, but I'm just sure glad that I did.  Heck, I haven't even had a drop of alcohol since somewhere around January-February 2010... that's almost a year!  It doesn't even bother me anymore.  Don't get me wrong, once in awhile a beer sounds damn good though.

I've had this re-occuring headache for the past few days, ugh.  I take tylenol & it goes away briefly but then returns hours later.  It's very annoying & I'm ready for it to go away & not come back again.  Maybe it's the lack of sleep, stress... who knows?  God knows I could use a nap right now, that's for sure.

Oh how I long for a long soak in a hot bath these days!  A shower would even be nice at this point.  I use to be one of those people who showered twice a day but since I've had Miss Kayla... well let's just say that I haven't showered since Wednesday night & this is now Friday.  I know, I know... everyone is probably saying YUCK right about now & I totally agree with you, trust me.  Even though I haven't done anything except sit here at home, starring at the same walls, just me & Kayla hanging out.  So it's not like I've really done anything to get dirty, sweaty, but still.  Truthfully, I long to have a large bathtub big enough for me & hubby to soak in together... now that would be nice!  Ok, lets not talk about that though.

However, I did manage to get my hair done yesterday, woohoo!  My roots were so long it was sad looking.  I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror without screaming in terror.  But now... my hair is looking good again, thankfully!

What are the odds that I will wake up tomorrow & 50 lbs would have magically fallen off while I slept?
Ok, I'll settle for 20 lbs falling off in my sleep.

No I'm not crazy, I'm just dilerious!  Surely I've mentioned that I could use a nap by now, right?

Well I guess that's my last post for 2010 everyone.  Woohoo for 2011... ready or not here we come!

a new body

With the birth of our precious baby Kayla... came a new body for me.  I have to admit that the first time I took a peak at my incision from my c-section in the hospital, I had a small emotional break down.  I guess it was just a little overwhelming for me at that moment.  The tears just poured down my face without control & as I walked out of the bathroom I saw Fred & I just cried even more.  As he put his arms around me trying to assure me that everything was ok & it would be ok, I felt a little relief but not completely.  The moment soon passed & I started thinking about the reason for the scar in the first place & how it was all well worth it & how I would do it again in a heart beat for my precious baby Kayla.

As the days have passed since that moment... I would still do it all over again because we have this most precious baby as a result.

Ever since I started gaining weight & my body started making adjustments to accommodate Kayla's home in my belly, my self esteem bottomed out & it's been rather hard to part with the fact my body will never be the same as it was once before.  I know losing the weight will be the hardest challenge for me & the question I keep asking myself over & over is... will I ever be sexy again?  Will my wonderful husband think I'm sexy or desire me as he once did?

After years of seeing all my good friends & family have babies & hearing all the emotions they've gone through... now I can understand it first hand myself.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade a moment of what I had to go through to bring baby Kayla into the world.  I just have this overwhelming desire to wake up in the morning & my body to have it's structure back & the pounds just have fallen off magically somehow.  I know, it's a dream world I guess, but that's just my thoughts.

I think we all question whether we will be good parents, when we haven't had the experience before.  Even I, who have taken kids under my wing as my own over the years, questioned myself as well.  Having the opportunity to become a mother is the greatest gift of all I strongly believe.  That overwhelming feeling of love you have for your child is just simply amazing to experience.  I can sit & stare at her for long periods of a time & just think of what a wonderful job my husband & I did to make this beautiful girl.

With all of that said, I'm learning to cope with all of the emotions that rush over me dealing with my new body I've been handed.  My goal is to be healthy & to lose the pounds that I should've kept off over the past two years to begin with.

2011 is going to be life changing for me & for our family for sure.  I'm not yet 100% sure that I'm quite up for the challenge just yet, but I'm definitely going to give it my all... as I always do.

I want to be the best wife I can be to my wonderful husband.
I want to be the best possible mother I can be to my precious baby Kayla.
I want to lose weight & obtain some type of desireable figure once again.
I wish to be successful at my new job & earn a decent income in which to help support my family.

All of these things & more are what I have on my goal list for 2011 & really... my goals for the rest of my life, how ever long that may be.

So my fingers & toes are crossed, hoping that I'm successful at everything I wish to accomplish for the upcoming year.

Christmas 2010

What a wonderful Christmas this has been for us.  So many wonderful things to be thankful for.

Christmas Eve...
We went to my brother's house for lunch at 1pm.  My parents brought along Uncle Earl & that was great to have him join us this year.  Otherwise he would've been sitting at home alone & well who wants to do that on the holiday.  This is my great-niece Katie's first Christmas, our first Christmas being married & our baby Kayla's first Christmas also.  So many great things to celebrate this year!

It's hard to believe the year is almost over already.  This year has gone by fast, very fast!  We've had ups & we've had downs this year, that's for sure.  I'd like to think there have been more goods then bads though.  I guess that's just life though.

All in all we have a lot to be thankful for.  Two things especially... our wonderful marriage & the birth of our first baby.

Christmas Day...
We spent the day at Fred's parents house with all of the family.  It's been a great Christmas this year.  I have to brag & say we both have wonderful families.  It's just nice to spend time with everyone for the holidays & be able to celebrate a new little life, baby Kayla.

This is officially our first Christmas as a married couple & to me that's very special.  To be able to spend the holidays with the love of my life, that's just priceless.  We have our moments of course that we want to ring each other's neck, but really there's no other person I can imagine spending the rest of my life next to.

Kayla had a great time getting to meet everyone & spend time in everyone's loving arms.  I could tell she was worn completely out by the time we retired back to home, but I know she had a good time.

I'm starting back to work this week... working from home part time that is.  I'm very lucky to have that option & I can't say how thankful I am for the loss of my last job to allow me this opportunity to arise.  It's amazing how things somehow just work themselves out... & like the saying goes... "everything happens for a reason".  So true... so true it is.

To all...
Merry Christmas with love from our family to yours!